Welcome to 2016, Snarklings! To kick the new year off, here’s a question about going to goth events at nightclubs:
question: Dear Lady of Manners,
I have a dilemma. I attend a school that doesn’t allow its students to frequent night clubs. Normally, I wouldn’t want to go to one, but there is a gothic event at one next month that I am dying to attend. I’ve never really known any other Goths, so I would love to go. (Disclaimer: I would not be going to gawk. I dress goth or punk about 50 percent of the time and used to in high school as well, but I have had a pull to the gothic things for years.) However, naturally, it is in a seedy part of the city, and I would be going alone. Should I go or not? And if so, what are the best ways to ensure my safety both in the city and in the club? (I have never been to a club before.)
Thank you so much,
The Lady of the Manners is going to say right off the bat that because your school doesn’t allow students to frequent nightclubs, if there is any chance that a trip out to explore the nighttime goth scene will jeopardize your scholastic career, DON’T GO. Yes, the Lady of the Manners is being a repressive worrywart, but she can’t imagine that any school that forbids students to go to nightclubs would be very understanding about the “but I’ll finally be able to meet people like me!” aspect of your desire to go.
Should you go? Snarkling, that’s for you and only you to decide. If you are determined to go to the goth night, and think you can manage not to alert the scholastic authorities to your excursion, then the Lady of the Manners won’t dissuade you. But again, she will state that going out to this one event may have disastrous consequences with regard to your schooling, especially if you’re there on a scholarship. Review your school rules. Review them thoroughly. What are the repercussions of breaking the rules? Is it worth risking those repercussions for one night of dancing and socializing?
However, if you do decide to go, some things to keep in mind:
- How are you planning on getting to the venue and back? If you are driving your own vehicle, take enough cash (in small bills!) to pay for any parking so you can be as close to the venue as possible. If you aren’t driving, keep in mind that public transport may not be reliable or may add a not-inconsequential amount of travel time; consider budgeting for taxis to and from the event. (Or Uber, Lyft, or other such options, but only if you feel safe about using one of those services!)
- Don’t drink any alcohol. (That is, assuming you are of legal age.) You will be there on your own, and traveling to & from on your own. Don’t do anything that would impair your senses or judgment. Yes, you’ll be nervous and meeting new people, and the Lady of the Manners is sure that a shot or two of liquid courage sounds enticing. But it’s more important that you are completely aware of your environment and those new people!
- Stay hydrated!
- Do not leave your beverage unattended! Do not leave your beverage with someone you do not already know well. Yes, this means the Lady of the Manners is suggesting you take your beverage onto the dancefloor; she trusts that if you do that, you will keep exuberant arm movements to a minimum. But better a spilled drink than the chance of it being dosed!
- Make sure you have a secure place to keep your ID, phone, money, and keys. Interior pockets, some sort of small purse or pouch that will securely attach to your person, or so on. Keeping track of a large purse or bag at a club is tedious at the best of times, and doing so at a venue you haven’t been to before is even more aggravating.
Even if you’re not drinking alcohol, it’s easy to become dehydrated from dancing a lot. Make sure you drink some water, not just sodas.
Now that the Lady of the Manners has worried at you and possibly come across as wildly overprotective, it’s time for the fun advice!
- Dress up! Adorn and armor yourself in your favorite gothy outfit. Spend hours on your makeup, if you want. This is a chance to express your ties to the goth aesthetic, so do what makes you happy!
- Contrariwise, don’t feel you have to dress up or look like a goth-punk fashion plate if that’s not what makes you comfortable or doesn’t express who you are. The most important thing is to be true to yourself, and if that means battered combat boots, black jeans, and a black t-shirt, then wear that and be proud of it.
- Talk to people! Complement their outfit, ask them if they’ve been to this club before, ask them if the DJ has played a certain song you like yet. The Lady of the Manners realizes that her telling you to do this is easy, because she’s an extrovert and has no real qualms about talking to people she doesn’t know, but for some of you, the idea of talking to a stranger is terrifying. There’s no shame in feeling that way, there really isn’t! But if you’re at this event, part of the reason you went is to meet people who share your interests. Be a brave Snarkling, and strike up conversations with people.
- Dance! Don’t worry about if anyone is looking at you; while someone might be, they’re also just as worried about the same thing. So squash any insecurities you may have, and when a song you like comes on, go stomp and swirl around the dance floor.
And now is the time when the Lady of the Manners asks for input from the readers! Do any of you have advice for first-time club-goers in our spooky scene? Talk about it in the comments! (Which are, of course, moderated.)