Look, Snarklings! A new lesson at Gothic Charm School, even if it was somewhat later that the Lady of the Manners had hoped for. (The flu, dear Snarklings, makes doing anything very difficult. Try not to contract whichever strain of it that is going around.)
As promised in the previous lesson, the Lady of the Manners carries on with the second round of questions from the younger readers of Gothic Charm School. Questions about talking to parents, being called emo, and not being allowed to wear Goth clothing to school.
Hello my name is Catherine and i have a problem. I am going to take your advice on talking to my parents about my wanting to be goth,but when i say wanting to is that i am at heart. My mother somwhat gets a glimpse at understanding me but my father is an old-school strict spanish father.I am 12 years old going on 13 but he still call me his little princess and rabbit i know thats just how dads are sopposed to act like, but oh the irony just by talking to him about this talk is frightening well i know the will shuuder and shake but i can’t just help it i am a goth at heart and i want them to accept it please oh please can you help me on a way to open up this coversation to my parents.
Sincerly,
Catherine
Good for you, Catherine, that you are going to talk to your parents about your interest in Goth! The Lady of the Manners completely understands why doing that is so frightening, but it really is something that every young gothling should do. As to how to open up this conversation with your parents: start by keeping in mind that the main thing you will need to do is to reassure your parents that Goth isn’t something to worry about. They will probably be concerned that your interest in a subculture known for it’s dark and morbid sensibility means that you’re depressed or angry. So be clear with them about what it is that draws you to Goth. Is it the music, the literature, the fashions? Or is it that you have a blacker-than-black sense of humor and a fondness for graveyards and morbid imagery? Explain that to your parents. Share examples with them, through artwork, photos, or music.
Be sure to tell them that being a Goth makes you happy, and makes you feel self-confident. (If it does, that is. The Lady of the Manners is assuming that those things are true, since that is what she hears from other babybats and how the Lady of the Manners feels herself.)
You’re absolutely right about that’s just how dads are supposed to act with his habit of calling you his little princess and rabbit. No matter how old you are, your parents will always, just a little bit, consider you to be that tiny baby they started out with. They call you pet names out of love, not out of a desire to keep you a little girl. The Lady of the Manners’ very wonderful parents still call her by nicknames from her childhood, and the Lady of the Manners knows that no matter what age her adoptive nieces and nephews are, she will still call them by their childhood monikers. (Sorry, Trip and Princess Tickybox! ) Also, the Lady of the Manners feels that Goths who have affectionate relationships which involve pet names should take enjoyment from them, not be mortified. Look, a large number of us and our fellow Goths dress up in wildly extravagant clothing in order to give the impression that we’ve just strolled out from our gloom-shrouded castle; if that doesn’t give any of us pause, then we certainly shouldn’t throw a tizzy when someone close to us calls us by an affectionate name. Even if it is “Rabbit” or “JilliBean”.
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The next question is from Nikki, asking about the difference between Goth and emo:
question: dear lady of the manner,
i happen to be (very proudly) a thirteen year old gothic young lady, but every day the kids at school give me a lable that bothers me to no end. Every day they call me “emo” i know some people who lable themselves this and they look nothing like me. While they wear things like tight blue skinny jeans and neon pink t-shirts im wearing black bondage pants and “siouxsie and the banshees” shirts please verify the difference i would apriciate it very much,
in shadows forever,
nikki
It sounds like, Nikki, that you are suffering from the dreaded “All of you weirdos look the same” problem. To outsiders, emo kids and Goths all look strange, there’s no difference between them. Which is absolutely untrue, of course, but people who can’t tell the difference between Goth and emo don’t really care.
Of course, there is a bit of cross-over between the two subcultures, with emo usually being regarded as the sullen younger sibling of Goth. (The Lady of the Manners talks about this in a previous Gothic Charm School lesson, Goth vs. emo.) That doesn’t mean that the emo label should be applied to a Goth, no matter what their age. However, it sounds like the skinny blue jeans and neon pink t-shirt wearing people at your school who are calling themselves “emo” have more in common with “scene kids”. Who, as far as the Lady of the Manners can tell, are fairly similar to emo kids, but wear a lot of neon colors, bright plastic jewelry, and multiple colored streaks in their wildly-teased hair. (In other words, to the Lady of the Manners and other ElderGoths, a cluster of scene kids is disturbingly like looking at a funhouse mirror reflection of the 1980s. Complete with leggings worn as pants and clashing neon colors.) (For more information about scene kids, the Lady of the Manners found this WikiHow article on how to be a scene kid fascinating reading.)
However, the most important thing you should keep in mind is that you needn’t bother with paying attention to the labels your classmates attempt to affix to you. So they’re calling you by the wrong subculture name? So what? Try not to let it bother you, and instead concentrate on the things you like. When your clueless classmates call you an emo, smile icily at them and ignore them.
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The final question for this edition of the Gothic Charm School for Babybats is from a Snarkling (with an email of “gothicgirl”) asking about wearing gothic dress at school:
question: hey?
I’m gothic but at my school you can not wear gothic dress so what should I do now
Hmmm. The Lady of the Manners is not exactly sure what all you mean by “gothic dress”, Snarkling. Do you mean that you’re not allowed to wear wildly extravagant Gothic dresses to school? Or perhaps that your school has a dress code or uniform? The Lady of the Manners is going to go with the latter meaning, with an aside that wearing wildly extravagant Gothic dresses to school would possibly become unwieldy, not to mention be poorly accessorized with a messenger bag or backpack full of text books.
So! How to show your allegiance to the Goth aesthetic while bound by a dress code? As the Lady of the Manners has said before, while she is not familiar with current school dress-codes, she is willing to bet that if you stick to the more formal, modest, or Victorian-influenced looks, you should be able to get away with them. Fitted black jackets or blazers worn with frilly blouses should be acceptable by most schools’ dress codes, along with full skirts (knee-length or longer) worn with tights. If your school’s dress-code allows for patterned tights or socks, by all means indulge yourself in stripy tights. (For male Snarklings, just substitute “nice dress shirt and perhaps a tie” for “frilly blouse” and “well-fitting black trousers” for “full skirts”.) Many school dress codes forbid piercings or “unnatural” colored hair, so before you invest in an ear full of metal rings or break out the purple hair dye, first do some research! (Also, you probably should check with your parents before doing either of those things.)
But what can you do if you have a school uniform? The whole point of school uniforms to to make kids’ appearances more homogeneous, to theoretically cut down on bullying and distractions from studying. (The Lady of the Manners isn’t entirely convinced that this approach works, but she’s not the one making the rules, here.) So with that sort of even narrower dress code, what’s a young Gothling to do? Sadly, not a lot. Indulge in the small loopholes for expression that you can find, such as darkly-decorated book covers, striped socks, dark eyeliner, or perhaps small pins with bats, skulls, and for favorite dark bands, accept that you’ll have to wait until the weekends to really indulge your sartorial fancies, and grit your teeth and wait until you’re done with school. While the Lady of the Manners is very, very fond of self-expression through one’s wardrobe, she doesn’t think it takes precedence over getting an education.
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With that, Snarklings, the Lady of the Manners is going to make up her mind as to whether she’s going to re-read that nice Gail Carriger’s Parasol Protectorate books, and go take a bubble bath. Next up at Gothic Charm School, reviews! Music (Toy-Box Trio and the Sepiachord Compilation) and makeup (Aromaleigh’s “Victoria’s Revenge” collection)! And as always, if you have questions of your own, Snarklings, please do write!