Hello, Snarklings. The Lady of the Manners has indeed returned from the much-needed sabbatical she took from updating things here at Gothic Charm School. Thank you to everyone who sent their condolences and words of support.
The Gothic Charm School mailbox gets a large-ish amount of mail from younger Goths, all of whom are struggling with concerns about somehow not being a “real” Goth. While the Lady of the Manners does understand these worries, she wishes she could hold some sort of enormous, spooky tea party so she could reassure all of you that yes, you are Goths, and to encourage all of you to explore your interests without fear of being bullied or mocked.
Dear : Lady Of The Manners
I’m A Goth . And I Love Being One!
But People In My School Belive That I Am Too Young Im 12 Years Old But I Cant Help How I Feel Inside .
They Dont Understand What A Goth Is .
They Think Im Weird . They Say Thing’s Too Me Like ” You Seriously Need Jesus In Your Life ”
But I Am A Christian Goth.
They Automaticaly Think Because I wear Black And And Refer Too Things In A Dark Way That I Worship Saten !
But I Dont . What Am I Suposed Too Do And Am I Too Young Please Help !
Oh Snarkling, no, you are not too young to be a Goth. While most people associate the Gothic subculture with people in their teens and twenties, there is no age limit for Goth in either direction. You are never too young (or too old) to look for beauty in dark places, to have a morbid sense of humor, or to be able to look at the magic and monstrousness of the world around you.
But! The Lady of the Manners does have an inkling as to why people at your school think you are too young to be a Goth, and probably why they think that because you wear black you worship Satan. To many people, Goth means dangerous and deranged; someone who has, to put it euphemistically, grown up too fast, and is a menace to society and themselves. (In other words, “Mad, bad, and dangerous to know”, and if you don’t know the origins of that quote, go look it up now, Snarklings.) The people who believe that tend to think all Goths are interested in rebellious posturing and partying, and have a constant air of weary disdain for almost everyone and everything, none of which are particularly “age-appropriate” for someone who is twelve years old.
Is that what Goth is about? No, don’t be silly. Mind you, there are a few seeds of truth in those misconceptions, because Goths are very, very fond of all things dark and decadent. But those are some of the ideas which leap to people’s minds when they think “Goth”, so it’s no surprise people at your school say you’re too young to be a Goth. It’s also probably why people say things like “You need Jesus in your life”.
So! What can you do? First, talk to your parents about what it is about Goth that draws you to it. Yes, talk to your parents. Because if you can explain your fondness for the velvet-shrouded world of Goth to your parents, then they will (the Lady of the Manners hopes) help you in dealing with your classmates who are making clueless, but possibly well-meaning comments. (Of course, the Lady of the Manners is fairly certain that your classmates are making those sorts of comments not to be helpful, but tries to give people the benefit of the doubt.)
You say the people at your school don’t understand what Goth is. Have you tried explaining to them what you feel Goth is? This is why the Lady of the Manners suggests talking to your parents about this first, because (again, the Lady of the Manners hopes) your parents would be more inclined to have a conversation with you and not just turn to name-calling and bullying. Who knows, some of the people at school might realize they too are interested in gothy things, and you’ll have made some more friends. (Which is rather optimistic of the Lady of the Manners, but as she said previously, she tries to give people the benefit of the doubt.)
The Lady of the Manners is always a bit mystified by people who make pronouncements about someone being Too Young To Be Goth. Have they never heard of The Addams Family? Wednesday and Pugsley Addams are iconic Goth figures for a reason. Good heavens, in the original TV show, Wednesday was all of, what, six years old? There are always going to be youngsters who are drawn to the darker, creepier things in life, who are going to want to read stories about monsters and ghosts, and who would rather grow up to be, say, the Wicked Witch of the West than a princess.
Being a babygoth doesn’t make you a bad or troubled kid. There are gothy books, movies, and music for all age groups, and while the Lady of the Manners does hold Strong Views about whether certain articles of clothing are for all ages (no, the Lady of the Manners wouldn’t let you wear only a corset, bloomers, and stockings to a concert or to school), there is no age limit on wearing dark clothing with a elegantly romantic or rakishly punk twist.
Since you say that you are a Christian Goth, the Lady of the Manners feels she should point you in the direction of a previous installment of Gothic Charm School, about Goths and Religion . That particular post has an assortment of links to resources, including the ever-helpful Christian Goth website.
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Coming soon to Gothic Charm School: a report of the 9th Annual Vampire Masquerade Ball in Portland (a favorite event of the Lady of the Manners’), a review of clothing and jewelry from dark fashion darlings Heavy Red, and letters from readers in Turkey and Venezuela.
(The Lady of the Manners wishes she could answer all of the letters that are sent to Gothic Charm School, but she does have to pay attention to her non-writing life some times. She does love reading your letters though, so please feel free to write!)