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Meta
Category Archives: Being Mannerly
Of Goths and Religion
Snarklings, why do so many people (including ones who should know better) think that Goth has some sort of religious affiliation? Is it because so many Goths like wearing large, ornate cross pendants or intricately-beaded rosaries? Wait no; that, while possibly a small part of it, can’t be the main impetus for so many people assuming that Goth comes with a particular religious requirement. Because if that was the case, the accessorizing with crosses and rosaries would cause people to assume that all Goths are particularly flamboyant Catholics or Christians, and this poor Snarkling wouldn’t have written in with the following letter: Continue reading
Posted in Being Mannerly, General
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Of Conflicts About Cosmetics, Requests For Fashion Advice, and Dealing With Copy-Cats
Hello Snarklings! Goodness, the Lady of the Manners has a whole bundle of letters to answer from readers. Yes, the Lady of the Manners had intended to sit down and write up replies to them in a slightly more timely fashion, but was distracted by such things as squee-ing over a new sewing machine and needing to bake gingerbread bats. Not to mention that whole day job thing. But! The Lady of the Manners has resolved to resist the siren calls of new fabric (pink skull brocade!) and a recipe for absinthe-flavored marshmallows, and instead focus on answering Snarklings’ questions. (Because she does like doing that just as much as sewing or baking; it’s just that sewing and baking require a smidge less concentration.) Continue reading
Posted in Being Fashionable, Being Mannerly, General, Growing Pains
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Of Reactions to Goths, and How the Goths Should Respond
Oh Snarklings, this time around the Lady of the Manners is answering two different letters about people’s reactions to Goths, and how Goths should react to them. One letter concerns Goths in public places and the town’s reaction to them; the second letter features a more personal plight, with someone questioning their commitment to the Gothic subculture after some annoying comments directed at them.
Goths banned from the town square in Glasgow? A reader called Aristocat wrote in to ask the Lady of the Manners her opinion:
Dear Lady,
I am an avid reader of your etiquette lessons, and enjoy them very much. While I find all your lessons to be extremely useful, apparently it isn’t enough in our council’s eyes…
http://scotlandonsunday.scotsman.com/latestnews?articleid=3588556
This happened a few months ago now…In case the link doesn’t work, the short version is this: the council has decided that goths are anti-social, and a blight on the fabric of the square, and has moved them from their customary seating area, even going to the lengths of cordoning off the seating area and stationing security guards round it. I wondered if you had any thoughts upon what to do and how to react to this?
Well, the Lady of the Manners’ first suggestion is that the Goths in that town go to the open meetings of the council and present their side of the story. Make sure the most even-tempered and responsible of the local Goth community be the ones to actually speak to any officials. Ask the council for any documented proof that the Goths were responsible for any disruptions, for any proof of those allegations of drinking, drugs, and inappropriate behavior. Also ask the council if they have any documented complaints from shopkeepers. As a final question, ask if the council intends to ban any other social groups from town square if they seem to be disruptive. Remember, as a taxpayer to your town council, you have the right to free congress in public, council-maintained areas unless you are violating laws or guidelines, and that you are entitled to be heard fairly. (The Lady of the Manners would like to give a heartfelt “Thank You!” to her UK-dwelling friend who gave her advice about UK town councils.)
Another suggestion is for the Goths in the area to continue to peaceably congregate in the square outside of the cordoned-off area. The Lady of the Manners would like to stress peaceably; everyone on their best behavior, and very clearly not in the area that the council has deemed Off Limits, but right by that area. If the Goths that used to congregate in the square are school-age, make VERY sure to do this during free time, not when you should be in classes.
The Lady of the Manners is dismayed to hear that the town council thinks that the Goths are causing a disruption, and echos the sentiments of one of the young ladies quoted in the linked newspaper article in that there surely must be more important issues that the city council should be addressing than a group of eccentrically-dressed youngsters gathering in a public place. Please keep the Lady of the Manners updated on what happens with this.
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The second letter is from a young creature named Wolfbane, who seems to be suffering from a crisis of confidence or faith in their dedication to the Gothic subculture: Continue reading
Posted in Being Mannerly, Being Social, General, Growing Pains
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Of Goths Suffering Harassment, of Vampires, and of Skull Accessories
Oh dear, Goths are in the news again. A Goth couple in England was banned from the bus because the driver objected to their appearance, which included the young lady being led on a leash by her fiancee. Several of you Snarklings sent the link to the the Lady of the Manners with letters much like the following one, sent by Mordicus: Continue reading
Posted in Being Fashionable, Being Mannerly, General
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Of Gently Refusing Gifts, and of Reality TV
Oh goodness, Snarklings. The Lady of the Manners knew exactly what she was going to write about; a letter from someone in the vampire subculture, and the long-threatened holding-forth about the sparkly skull accessory trend. But then things got busy (as they do), and then one of you wrote in with a question about a delicate situation concerning holiday gifts. The Lady of the Manners realized she absolutely needed to try and help, which brings us to this: Continue reading
Of Treating People Civilly, of Labels, and of White Foundation
Oh Snarklings, the Lady of the Manners didn’t mean to take such a long break. Alas, these things do happen. But the Lady of the Manners is not going to dwell upon that, and instead dive right into answering two different letters from readers. One letter with two separate questions, even!
The first letter, from a Miss Lolita, is about labeling oneself, and whether or not one should be polite to people who’ve done nothing to deserve such treatment: Continue reading
Posted in Being Fashionable, Being Mannerly
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Of Reader Mail Concerning Mourning, the Military, and Teachers
Reader mail, Snarklings! Yes, it’s time for another lesson full of questions taken from the Gothic Charm School mailbox. The Lady of the Manners wishes she was able to reply to each and every letter you delightful Snarklings send, but pesky realities such as sleeping and going to work seem to take up more time then they should. But, dear Snarklings, the Lady of the Manners is going to have more lessons that will feature reader mail, with only occasional breaks for book reviews and topics the Lady of the Manners wants to rant hold forth about.
The first reader letter is from a young man calling himself Lost Recruit:
I have a slight dilemma. You see, I have fallen under the…title, for lack of another way too put it, of Goth. But my future career could strip me of the ‘title’ I’ve actually come to accept. You see I’ve enlisted into our United States Marine Corps just this July. I am worried about losing the spirit that has earned me such a unique view from my peers. Any advice Ma’am? I would’ve looked through the archives but couldn’t find anything that looked like it would work.
Thank you much.
Firstly, the Lady of the Manners would like to congratulate you on your enlistment, and hopes that your military career is both fulfilling and safe. As to being worried about having to forsake your gothy nature upon joining the military: at first glance, a life of military service does seem incompatible with such a thing. But the Lady of the Manners wants to reassure you that your joining the military DOES NOT mean you will have to turn your back on the Goth subculture which you call your home. The Lady of the Manners knows many Goths who have been in the military, and none of them lost their dark spirit and unique views. However, be aware that your different outlook on things will most likely earn you attention and comments from your fellow service people. Be prepared for sarcastic questions and sometimes even outright hostility, and try not to respond in kind. Be polite and matter-of-fact about who you are, and please don’t feel that you have to change your personality or views to fit in or to succeed, because that isn’t the case at all. Again, the best of luck to you!
Posted in Being Mannerly, General, Growing Pains
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Of Differences of Opinion. And IKEA.
Why is it, Snarklings, that Some People are compelled to respond to any difference of opinion by being rude and abrasive? Why Some People, when faced with someone who doesn’t agree with them, resort to insults, which are usually quickly followed by “OMG, it’s a JOKE!!! You’re SO stupid for getting upset!”
You see, what the Lady of the Manners is trying to figure out is why Those Sorts don’t understand that indulging in that sort of behavior is rude. Mocking people who disagree with you doesn’t make you look clever, and it certainly doesn’t sway people to agree with you.
Hmmm. Perhaps the Lady of the Manners should back up a bit, and explain what prompted this particular post. Did all of you know about the IKEA advertisement that mentioned Goths, Snarklings? Oh yes, last week IKEA had an ad with the text ”Brightens up your grad’s dorm. Unlike a creepy gothic roommate, who can be a bad influence.” Continue reading
Posted in Being Mannerly, General
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Why the Month of May Didn’t Exist Here, Plus Answering a Reader Letter
The Lady of the Manners is very sorry for not posting anything during May, Snarklings. May was a bit of a blur of work chaos, concerts, preparing for and then attending Convergence 13. The Lady of the Manners has swarms of letters to answer, and is going to try to post helpful (but possibly quick!) replies to them in the very near future. Continue reading
Posted in Being Mannerly, General, Stuff & Oddments
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Goodbye Cruel Internets; or The Great Flounce-Off
Hello Snarklings! The Lady of the Manners knows that this is a rare occurrence, but this month’s lesson is indeed the one the Lady of the Manners threatened … er promised last month. Not because the Lady of the Manners doesn’t have other topics to address; good heavens, no! (In fact, the Lady of the Manners has been noticing an upswing in letters from readers, which is very gratifying.) But the Lady of the Manners feels she absolutely needs to do her part to help stop a particular epidemic of bad behavior.
The Lady of the Manners is sure that all of you have seen the horrible and petty behavior the Lady of the Manners is speaking of; if you’ve spent any time at all on the Internet, you’ve encountered this behavior many times. (The Lady of the Manners fervently hopes you haven’t indulged in it yourselves; if you have, don’t spoil her illusions.) Wherever there are multiple people posting, be it on blogs, message boards, LiveJournal, MySpace, or newsgroups, a version of the following will happen at some point:
“No one understands me / You are all SO MEAN / I am misunderstood! I am GOING TO LEAVE (delete my journal / user profile / stomp off in a huff)!”
This sort of behavior is commonly referred to as “Goodbye Cruel Internets!” or “I’m taking my toys and going home!” Continue reading
Posted in Being Mannerly, Being Social, General
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