Category Archives: General

Announcing the New Look of Gothic Charm School!

Look, Snarklings! Look at the new website, lovingly re-designed to complement the upcoming Gothic Charm School book! Continue reading

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More Advice For Aging Goths. And Clicky-links Of Coveting.

Snarklings, the Lady of the Manners has been quite touched by the flood of complimentary mail about the previous column on Aging Goths. Mail from fellow ElderGoths, and from younger Goths who are glad for the reassurance that Goth doesn’t have an age limit. Because the Lady of the Manners does tend to get letters like the following one from a young lady named Carrie: Continue reading

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Of Goths and Religion

Snarklings, why do so many people (including ones who should know better) think that Goth has some sort of religious affiliation? Is it because so many Goths like wearing large, ornate cross pendants or intricately-beaded rosaries? Wait no; that, while possibly a small part of it, can’t be the main impetus for so many people assuming that Goth comes with a particular religious requirement. Because if that was the case, the accessorizing with crosses and rosaries would cause people to assume that all Goths are particularly flamboyant Catholics or Christians, and this poor Snarkling wouldn’t have written in with the following letter: Continue reading

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Of Conflicts About Cosmetics, Requests For Fashion Advice, and Dealing With Copy-Cats

Hello Snarklings! Goodness, the Lady of the Manners has a whole bundle of letters to answer from readers. Yes, the Lady of the Manners had intended to sit down and write up replies to them in a slightly more timely fashion, but was distracted by such things as squee-ing over a new sewing machine and needing to bake gingerbread bats. Not to mention that whole day job thing. But! The Lady of the Manners has resolved to resist the siren calls of new fabric (pink skull brocade!) and a recipe for absinthe-flavored marshmallows, and instead focus on answering Snarklings’ questions. (Because she does like doing that just as much as sewing or baking; it’s just that sewing and baking require a smidge less concentration.) Continue reading

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Of Goths and School Dress Codes

Autumn means back to school, or it least it does according to most calendars and retail establishments. Of course, for many school-age Goths, back to school also means back to being harassed about what they prefer to wear. The Lady … Continue reading

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Of Goths and Pregnancy, the Follow-Up

Goodness, Snarklings! The Lady of the Manners has always been impressed with the Power Of The Internet that our shadowy subculture has at its communal fingers, but didn’t expect quite such the flurry of helpful responses when she asked for … Continue reading

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Of Goths and Pregnancy

Snarklings, remember all those jokes the Lady of the Manners has made over the years about how there is no Goth Cabal or Gothic Hivemind? The Lady of the Manners is starting to entertain some doubts about that. Around the same time that some of the Lady of the Manners’ friends announced they were pregnant, various letters started pitter-pattering into the Gothic Charm School mailbox, full of questions about the unique dilemmas that Goth moms-to-be face. Well. The Lady of the Manners is not one to ignore serendipity, especially when it lands in her mailbox. Continue reading

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Of Self Harm (There’s More To This Lesson Than “Please Don’t”)

Snarklings, the Lady of the Manners has to ask: what on earth have you creatures been doing to yourselves? The Lady of the Manners has gotten an absolute slew of letters recently from Snarklings worried about their friends. Even worse has been the flurry of letters from Snarklings who are worried about themselves. The common point of worry? Cutting.

Now, the Lady of the Manners wants to make it quite clear to all of you that she is not about to turn Gothic Charm School into a syrupy after-school special.

However.

The Lady of the Manners also wants to make it quite clear that self harm is not good. No matter what sort of stress you or people close to you may be suffering, hurting yourself is not going to improve the situation. Oh, the Lady of the Manners understands the train of thought that can lead to cutting or other self-damaging habits. When one is extremely upset or near panic from stress, the idea of inflicting a small amount of damage that one can control as a release is terribly seductive. But the idea is a trap, because that small, controlled amount of self-harm can lead to larger problems: the need to keep secrets from people you are close to, for fear that they won’t understand; the shame, because maybe you feel that you should be able to cope with everything, and that cutting yourself is just one more failure on your part; the fear that if people knew you did this sort of thing, they wouldn’t understand why, and perhaps think that you’re just doing it as a manipulative ploy for attention. Or they’ll think that you are in life-threatening danger and in need of constant supervision.
Continue reading

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Of Reactions to Goths, and How the Goths Should Respond

Oh Snarklings, this time around the Lady of the Manners is answering two different letters about people’s reactions to Goths, and how Goths should react to them. One letter concerns Goths in public places and the town’s reaction to them; the second letter features a more personal plight, with someone questioning their commitment to the Gothic subculture after some annoying comments directed at them.

Goths banned from the town square in Glasgow? A reader called Aristocat wrote in to ask the Lady of the Manners her opinion:

Dear Lady,
I am an avid reader of your etiquette lessons, and enjoy them very much. While I find all your lessons to be extremely useful, apparently it isn’t enough in our council’s eyes…

http://scotlandonsunday.scotsman.com/latestnews?articleid=3588556

This happened a few months ago now…In case the link doesn’t work, the short version is this: the council has decided that goths are anti-social, and a blight on the fabric of the square, and has moved them from their customary seating area, even going to the lengths of cordoning off the seating area and stationing security guards round it. I wondered if you had any thoughts upon what to do and how to react to this?

Well, the Lady of the Manners’ first suggestion is that the Goths in that town go to the open meetings of the council and present their side of the story. Make sure the most even-tempered and responsible of the local Goth community be the ones to actually speak to any officials. Ask the council for any documented proof that the Goths were responsible for any disruptions, for any proof of those allegations of drinking, drugs, and inappropriate behavior. Also ask the council if they have any documented complaints from shopkeepers. As a final question, ask if the council intends to ban any other social groups from town square if they seem to be disruptive. Remember, as a taxpayer to your town council, you have the right to free congress in public, council-maintained areas unless you are violating laws or guidelines, and that you are entitled to be heard fairly. (The Lady of the Manners would like to give a heartfelt “Thank You!” to her UK-dwelling friend who gave her advice about UK town councils.)

Another suggestion is for the Goths in the area to continue to peaceably congregate in the square outside of the cordoned-off area. The Lady of the Manners would like to stress peaceably; everyone on their best behavior, and very clearly not in the area that the council has deemed Off Limits, but right by that area. If the Goths that used to congregate in the square are school-age, make VERY sure to do this during free time, not when you should be in classes.

The Lady of the Manners is dismayed to hear that the town council thinks that the Goths are causing a disruption, and echos the sentiments of one of the young ladies quoted in the linked newspaper article in that there surely must be more important issues that the city council should be addressing than a group of eccentrically-dressed youngsters gathering in a public place. Please keep the Lady of the Manners updated on what happens with this.

The second letter is from a young creature named Wolfbane, who seems to be suffering from a crisis of confidence or faith in their dedication to the Gothic subculture: Continue reading

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Of Gothic Lolita Fashion and Lifestyle

The Lady of the Manners didn’t mean to misplace all of February, truly she didn’t. The Lady of the Manners was just so engrossed in reading all of your letters, Snarklings, that she was, er, too distracted to reply to them. The Lady of the Manners has resolved to start March out properly, so on to answering questions!

Dear Lady of Manners,I’m writing because I have a question that arose out of curiosity. I’m not quite sure if you’re aware of the Lolita style of clothing. If not, please allow me to educate you: Lolita is both a lifestyle and fashion statement. It’s about being ladylike and refined, and dressing modestly and sweetly, with ribbons and lace and bows. Continue reading

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