Category Archives: Being Mannerly

Polite Honesty, or Why Speaking Your Mind Doesn’t Always Work.

Oh dear, the Lady of the Manners hasn’t quite grasped the idea of “timely updates”, has she? The Lady of the Manners is very sorry about that, Snarklings, and promises to try and stay on top of things in the future.

Now the Lady of the Manners had thought that this lesson was going to be about volunteering to help with events, and that perhaps one should examine one’s motivations for doing so. But that lesson is going to be saved for another time, because a very interesting bit of e-mail was sent to Gothic Charm School: Continue reading

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Fitting In and Tag-Alongs

Belonging. Fitting in. Though they won’t admit it, even the bitterest misanthrope secretly cherishes faint dreams of finding a (very, very small) group of people they feel accepted by. Some people are so eager to fit in that they don’t stop to think about whether or not the social group they’ve targeted is the right one for them; some of them want so very badly to belong that they do things that maybe they shouldn’t.

Relax, Snarklings, this isn’t the Lady of the Manners’ big after-school special on the perils of peer pressure; the Lady of the Manners hasn’t gotten that desperate for lesson topics. Continue reading

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Tourist Season in GothyLand

So! This time around the Lady of the Manners is going to look at one of the perennial topics of conversation in the Goth universe, a topic that she gets a fair amount of mail about: tourists. No, not the type of tourists who go visiting other cities and historical landmarks, but people who aren’t goth (and have no interest in ever being a goth), but who go to goth clubs.

Why is this a topic of never-ending discussion in the Goth world? Well, because opinions about scene tourists are pretty sharply divided. More people in the clubs means that the clubs are making money, thus the gothic club nights will flourish, not to mention that many club-goers feel that strict dress codes and ”˜scene-only’ door policies are ever-so-slightly on the ”˜bad’ side of elitist. On the other hand, swarms of non-goths take away from the ambience and atmosphere of a club, and it’s more than a little annoying to be treated like a zoo exhibit when you’re someplace that you go to almost every week. Continue reading

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Being Nice To People You Don’t Like

Hello, Faithful Readers, and welcome to September’s edition of Gothic Charm School. This month, the Lady of the Manners has something very very important to talk to all of you about, something the Lady of the Manners believes is a basic idea that frequently gets ignored in the gothic communities (and in the “real world,” but she’s not going to try to fix that). “What,” you may be asking yourself, “is she harping on about this time?” Well, it’s very simple, really. Are you ready?

You should strive to be polite to people, even if you don’t like them. Continue reading

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Offering An Apology

Hellooooo Faithful Readers, and welcome to February’s edition of Gothic Charm School. Readers who have been visiting for ages will remember that during February, the Lady of the Manners likes to give all of you advice on romance (or the death of romance). Now, this month is going to be a little different””just a little””because a nice young man named David is asking for help in talking to a girl. A goth girl, to be precise, while he is NOT a goth. What makes this different from advice given in previous Februarys is that David doesn’t say that he’s, y’know, “interested” in this lady. No, he just wants to apologize for previous boorish behavior on his part. Mind you, the Lady of the Manners has her suspicions about what is motivating young David to try to make amends, but the Lady of the Manners will keep her suspicions to herself (for once, some of the Lady of the Manners’ friends would add). Continue reading

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Why Goths Must Be Polite

Hellllloooo, Faithful Readers, and welcome to your usual monthly visit to Gothic Charm School. This time around, the Lady of the Manners is going to talk to you about the reason behind her writing this column month after month. Yes, Goths and Manners; how clever of you to have guessed.

Now, the Lady of the Manners is sure there are a few of you out there in Gothy Internet Land are scratching your heads in a perplexed manner, thinking, “But she writes about this all the time. Now what is she doing?” That’s fine ”” go get a cup of coffee, then sit back down and let the Lady of the Manners chat with you. Continue reading

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Compliments and Catty Comments – how to take them gracefully

Greetings Faithful Readers, and welcome to September’s Gothic Charm School. Those of you who stopped by last month will remember that the Lady of the Manners talked about compliments, questions, insults, and how to deal with them. This month is about the other side of that topic ”” not the receiving of said things, but the giving.
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Comments from the Unenlightened

Greetings, Faithful Readers, and welcome to another month’s chat at Gothic Charm School. As she’s been strolling around the city, parasol held aloft, the Lady of the Manners has been having experiences that (surprise, surprise) mirror those which a lot of the Faithful Readers have been emailing her about. Therefore, this month’s column is about Compliments, Questions, and (sad to say) Insults from those who are Not Goths, and how to respond to them.
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