Despite the Lady of the Manners’ best intentions, a post for September just didn’t happen, and the Lady of the Manners would like to apologize to you Snarklings for that. Of course, with October being THE goth month of celebration, things have been extremely busy around here at the Gothic Charm School lair, so while the Lady of the Manners is working on a new post, have a piece of ”¦ bonus content, as it were. ”
Elitists. Gatekeepers. People who say “You’re not a REAL goth unless”. The Gother-Than-Thou scourge of our subculture, and a persistent problem that many of you keep running into. So here: A selection of questions and (slightly rewritten) answers, taken from the gothiccharmschool tumblr, about how to deal with those types of lowly wretches.
Anonymous asked: What’s the difference between being a poseur and being new to the gothy culture? Sometimes it feels like the same thing… =/
Honestly? The Lady of the Manners thinks that “poseur” is a term thrown around by elitist types who are feeling a teensy bit insecure about their “coolness” in comparison to everyone else.
The only thing that would make the Lady of the Manners even consider using the term “poseur” is if someone professed interest or knowledge in something (anything, not just things to do with goth) but were fibbing in order to make themselves feel cooler. If you’re new to gothy culture, fantastic! Go forth and explore, and be thrilled that you will get to experience it for the first time! Don’t feel you have to act knowledgable and jaded; if someone mentions something you haven’t heard of, ask them about it. If they scoff at you or call you a “poseur” in response, the problem is with them, not you.
(There is no Elder Goth Cabal, and if there was, it would be more interested in introducing people to our spooky wonderland, not in being cranky gother-than-thou gatekeepers.)
Anonymous asked: As an eldergoth, what’s your opinion on the recent topic going around YouTube on whether or not you can be goth or not if you don’t like the music? There seems to be a mix of “yes, goth is more than music!” and “no, goth is ALL music.”, and even both “Maybe, just know the history.” Have you ever seen something like this in the past when you were a younger goth?
Of course the Lady of the Manners saw that sort of thing when she was a younger goth. There were people drawing arbitrary lines in the black sand and shouting at each other from both sides: “You’re not a real goth if you don’t know all of the bands and have the limited edition bat-shaped vinyl release of “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang” by Specimen!” vs. “You’re not a real goth unless you are constantly clad in fishnets, black lace, and velvet, with your hair sky-high and perfect swirly eyeliner!”
For the record, both sides are absolutely wrong. The goth subculture is a combination of the music and the fashion, and ALSO includes the books, art, and movies that provided the loamy cemetery soil for the modern goth subculture to claw its way out from.
You don’t have to like all the music. You don’t have to embrace the every aspect of the fashion. But YES, please know at least a little bit about where the whole thing came from.
Finally, if any elitist gatekeepers try to tell you otherwise, laugh at them and tell them that your Auntie Jilli and the Elder Goth Cabal (which doesn’t exist) says they’re wrong. Then ignore them forevermore.
Of course, there are other ways you can deal with elitist gatekeeping types, if you don’t quite feel like laughing at them:
Anonymous asked: Do you have tips on how to handle with elitist goths?
Ignore them. If they insist on interacting with you, smile coldly at them and practice saying things like, “That’s your opinion” and “How nice for you”, in as disinterested a tone of voice you can manage. Smother your words with as much bored sarcasm as you possibly can manage.
With that, the Lady of the Manners is going to throw the (as always, moderated) comments open! How do you Snarklings deal with elitists in our subculture?