Of Goths and Aging

Oh good lord, it’s 2025. The Lady of the Manners isn’t quite sure where the time has gone, but she is of the strong opinion that it’s moving too fast. Especially after she looked through the archives and discovered the last time she addressed this topic was sixteen years ago.

Anyhow! Let’s get one thing out of the way right off the bat: there is no age limit to being a goth. Goth is an all-ages subculture, no matter what a lot of social media tends to focus on or present. One of the great joys of aging is that you become more comfortable with yourself, and (hopefully) care less and less about what others may think about you. Embrace and show your weirdness! Be comfortable in your spooky skin!

With that said, there are certain things about aging that will possibly impact your gothy life. A lot of this applies to the goth population who are over 45, but younger goths and anyone dealing with a chronic illness may find some useful tidbits in this article. 

Socializing

• You have to plan around your energy levels. If you’re one of the very lucky, you won’t have to think about this. For the rest of us, we may need additional rest. The Lady of the Manners has learned that she needs one or two days to recover from an event. But there is no shame in needing that additional rest! Listen to your body. 

• This also means doing things you may never have considered. Take care of those aging knees and sit down when you can. If you’re indulging in Adult Beverages, make sure you’re drinking lots of water in between. Remember those days when we could stay out all night dancing and drinking then head to class or to work the next morning and get through the day by having some extra coffee and aspirin? Those days are almost certainly behind you. Speaking of coffee, your aging body may require you to cut back on that. (The Lady of the Manners hasn’t suffered that yet, but she dreads the very notion of it.)  
• Sleep. You will need more of it. Remember, you don’t have to stay up all night to be goth!
• You no longer may be able to Do All The Things or Go To All The Events. This realization will almost certainly make you melancholy (at the mild end of the scale) or depressed (at the far end of that same scale). That’s normal. Let yourself look back at previous years with nostalgia, but also know in your black heart that you aren’t less of a goth just because you aren’t participating in every goth and goth-adjacent event that comes along. 

Music

• Directly support the artists when you can. Ordering music directly from the artist’s website or Bandcamp helps them earn more money, and also means you can order physical media. 
• Streaming services don’t pay artists what they deserve, but are a good way to find new music via the “suggested for you” features of whatever service you use. If you find a new artist you like, then refer back to the previous point of “Directly support the artists when you can”.
• Compilations! While, from what the Lady of the Manners has experienced, are less available than before, they still are a useful way of finding new music. Revisit any you already have and see if you rediscover bands you had forgotten.  

Social Media, AKA “I’m too old for this nonsense”.

• Arguments and discourse about What Is Goth, Who Is Goth, Is This Band Goth, etc. haven’t gone away, no matter how much we all wish they would. They also haven’t fundamentally changed, just the examples being argued about discussed. If you decide to wade into the discussion, try to remember that many of the people participating in the discussion may only have experienced goth life online, and their opinions may be formed by the latest thing that scrolled across their social media. 

• Try to be kind and level-headed in these discussions or arguments, but stomp out gatekeeping as soon as it raises its ugly head. If the phrase “You can’t be goth if …” appears, either get ready to repeatedly tell that person they’re wrong, or decide to leave the discussion to avoid frustration and possibly a headache.

Appearance

Makeup

Do what you want! There are no rules! Keep drawing on that swirly eyeliner, keep applying that glitter. However, some Aging Goth Makeup Tips:

• Avoid sharp lines. The Lady of the Manners has (mostly) given up liquid eyeliner and has switched to a smokey, smudged style of eyeshadow. (She especially likes doing this with dark burgundy and bright pink shades.)
• Stop using heavy, thick foundations, and instead switch to a tinted moisturizer or BB cream. You can still build up the coverage with these sorts of products, but using a product that doesn’t immediately sink into wrinkles makes things easier. An added bonus to these types of products is that they usually include sunscreen! Which leads us to the Lady of the Manners’ next tip: 

Hair

• It’s sad but true that unnatural blue-black hair color can look harsh on aging bats. If you want that effect, fantastic, keep doing that! But if you decide otherwise be aware that removing black dye (especially decades of black dye) is a long and difficult process fraught with peril. If you’re determined to do so, the Lady of the Manners recommends saving up and going to a professional.

• Thinning hair is a thing that can happen no matter what you do. Hair extensions and falls may be your friend, but be aware that too much tension on your existing hair may also cause it to shed. Wigs are another great option, allowing you to explore different hair colors and styles without committing to them. The Lady of the Manners is seriously thinking about emulating Anna Varney of SOPOR AETERNUS & The Ensemble of Shadows and shaving her head when she hits her 70s. 

Clothing, or how to embrace comfort while still looking spooky

• Go for flowing lines and draped layers of light fabrics Tunics! Leggings and floaty skirts! Elastic belts! Long dusters! All of these things can be worn by any gender and help give that “creature of darkness” air while not being strapped and cinched in.
• Speaking of air, try to find things made from natural fibers. Even if that duster is made from a beautiful chiffon or flocked mesh, if it’s a polyester fabric, it won’t breathe as well and you run the risk of overheating.
• Related to overheating, if you’re AFAB and a certain age, you’re probably going to want to carry a fan with you. And possibly blotting papers for your face and a handkerchief. Hot flashes are a real thing, and they are miserable. 
• However, there’s also the chance that you’re on the opposite side of the temperature range and will randomly feel too cold. This means you may want to have a cardigan in every room of your house, and possibly carry gloves and a scarf or shawl with you when you go out.
• Most “lifestyle” goth brands don’t cater to the aging goth demographic. Remember that goth fashion doesn’t have a strict definition, and goth-friendly clothing can be found from almost any retailer. Especially during autumn and winter, which is when some version of goth style tends to show up in mainstream fashion. (Along with the articles about “the return of goth” or how this year’s incarnation of goth-influenced fashion is better than goth fashion because it’s for adults. Almost all of these articles are written by people who aren’t aware that goth has no age limit, and there are almost certainly goths who have been this way for longer than that author has been alive.)

• You can gothify your wardrobe with accessories. Leggings and an oversized black shirt are a great base to show off layers of jewelry, belts, scarves or shawls, hats, etc.
• The comfort level of your footwear will become something you think about. You may have to give up tall heels and platforms, but don’t despair! There are companies out there, such as Strange Cult, who make spooky flats and low-heeled boots. (The Lady of the Manners still tends not to purchase those spooky flats and boots because she’s determined to only buy leather footwear, but that’s a discussion for another time.)

Nostalgia 

• Wallow in it. Look at those old photos, reread those old journals, poetry, and letters. Don’t let them make you less accepting or feel bad about who you now are, but also make sure you look back at your younger self with kindness. CRINGE IS DEAD, EMBRACE YOUR YOUNGER SELF.
• But don’t gloss over the bad things from that era; yes, a lot of it sucked, but it also made you the Eldergoth you now are. 

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What if you’re older and have never been goth, but you want to explore the subculture? Lucky you! There is no age limit!  But the same advice for the youngsters and baby bats out there  applies to you:

• Learn the basic history of the subculture; where it came from in terms of the music and aesthetic, then use that information as a jumping-off point for finding even more goth-related things you enjoy.
• Remember that you don’t have to be Gother Than Thou 24/7. You don’t have to always “dress the part” or listen to nothing but the spookiest of dark music in order to be a goth.
• Being yourself is much more important than trying to squash yourself into a “this is how to be goth” template you learned from social media. Yes, those images defining what types of goth exist (Corporate Goth, Trad Goth, Vampire Goth, Romantic Goth, etc.) and micro-style labels can help you explore and refine the things you’re interested in, but they aren’t boxes you have to fit into.

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Are you an Eldergoth with additional advice? Do you have other questions around aging while goth? The comment section is OPEN. Be respectful and polite, but discuss!