Of Elegant Gothic Lolita, Deathrock, and Victorian Fashion

Posted on October, 2007 by Lady of the Manners

Apparently some of you Snarklings have figured out that the Lady of the Manners loves loves loves to blither on about clothes and the aesthetics of Goth fashion. Why does the Lady of the Manners say this? Because several of you have sent fashion-related questions to Gothic Charm School. And not just those of the ”Am I still a Goth if I don’t wear all black?!” type questions either, thank goodness.

(The Lady of the Manners would like to reassure the readers who aren’t terribly fascinated with clothing that no, Gothic Charm School isn’t going to turn into an all-fashion all-the-time site. Really. The Lady of the Manners solemnly promises this.)

The first fashion dilemma is from Bunny, asking about Gothic Lolita and Victorian clothing:

I really need your wonderful fashion advice. I love Gothic clothing, and especially favour a mixture of Lolita and milkmaid-style clothes (think little porcelain doll in Victorian-style dress with more cleavage, extra ribbons and big cute buttons).

Unfortunately, I don’t really fit the, er, “standard” mold. To put it bluntly, I am 5 foot 2, and although not particularly big (English size 12 waist), have FF-G cup breasts and matching buttocks. This makes it difficult to buy any clothing to fit (except from very expensive specialists and tailors- out of my budget for all but the most occasional of treats- and I already spend most of my clothing budget on reinforced bras) let alone Gothic clothing.

I cannot, simply cannot wear most high-necked blouses or tops. The lovely frilly Gothic lacy ones that are currently so popular pop at the seams across my bust and a high-necked jumper or ordinary top makes my already too-large breasts appear to double in size, along with my waist. I must be careful not to cover up too much or wear too long skirts or I look even shorter and start to appear dumpy. If I expose too much (usually modest-yet-appealing tops make me look like a porn star in a cheap “Gothic” porn movie) I look easy and find that local men see this as free license to grab whatever they like the look of.

Please tell this overly-bouncy bunny how she can appear as an elegant porcelain doll instead of a frump or a barbie-in-black.

Yours,

Bunny.

Let the Lady of the Manners start off by reassuring Bunny that the Lady of the Manners’ figure is not too different from Bunny’s own. (The Lady of the Manners is a smidge taller, but that’s about it.) The Lady of the Manners is (rather infamously) devoted to frilly Victorian-style clothing, and has learned what needs to be done to make that style work for those who don’t possess model-like figures.

Firstly, learn to sew. Wait, don’t run away in terror. While learning how to sew things completely from scratch is the ideal path, learning how to sew just enough so you can do your own alterations is essential. If you can do your own alterations, you can buy tops that fit properly in the bust and then tailor them to fit properly in the waist. Knowing how to sew also means that you can add as much frilly lace trim as your heart desires to a garment, which is Very Important to those who want to dress like pretty Victorian dolls.

Speaking of frills””Bunny, when one has the sort of figure that you do, there is sadly such a thing as Too Many Frills. The Lady of the Manners suspects this might be part of the reason you say that you can’t cover up too much or wear long skirts. A lady of your shape needs to be very aware of where an outfit adds bulk, visually. You should look for garments that are extremely well-fitted through the bust and waist, and save the explosions of ruffles and frills for below the hips.

Along the same line as Too Many Frills is the problem of Giant Puffy Sleeves. The Lady of the Manners has learned that while blouses and jackets with puffed sleeves (usually known as “leg-o-mutton” sleeves”) look darling on the hanger, they can make an already busty figure look unfortunately wide. A garment that is close-fitting through the bust and waist will avoid the “dumpy” problem, and instead make you look slimmer and taller. Another way to avoid the “dumpy” problem, of course, is corsetry, be it wearing a well-fitted corset as the underpinnings for your outfit or wearing a cincher to emphasize the waistline. Do keep in mind that corsets are one of those garments where you get what you pay for; if a deal on a corset or cincher seems too good to be true, it probably is.

What this means is that many of the ready-made Elegant Gothic Lolita and Elegant Gothic Aristocrat outfits that are available just won’t work for you. Most of them are designed for people who are not of an hourglass shape, and while they can be made to work on that sort of figure, it will involve hours of alterations. Which, again, is why the Lady of the Manners really thinks that learning to sew is your best option. If you’re absolutely fumble-fingered and have an irrational terror of sewing machines, then start saving your pennies and have things custom made for you. (An Aside: Please do not be One of Those People that complains about “how expensive” custom clothing is. Custom clothing is made by small businesses run by artisans, and they don’t have the cost-cutting tricks that larger clothing companies do. Those artisans deserve every penny they earn, so please don’t try and haggle with them or whine about the cost. The properly mannered thing to do would be to thank them for their time, effort, and creativity, which is all devoted to making you look beautiful.)

Another thing you must remember, if you are going to be a devotee of more elaborate styles, is that you must pay attention to the details. It is not enough to throw on a frilly dress or blouse and skirt; make sure you’ve put the same thought into the rest of your look. Do your socks (or stockings, or tights) and footwear go with the rest of your outfit? Or if not, do they give the impression that you are deliberately going for a mixed-up look? The same ideas apply to the rest of your look: hair, make up, hats, gloves, jewelry, and any other bits and bobs. It’s paying attention to the details that will keep you from looking like you’re wearing a Goth costume instead of being a member of the subculture.

The final word of advice the Lady of the Manners has for you is to try to avoid the mutton dressed as lamb trap. The Lady of the Manners has seen far too many frilly Victorian-esque outfits that make the wearer look like they’re desperately trying to appear younger than they are. Looking like one has escaped from a re-make of a Shirley Temple movie, even a Goth-tinged one, flatters no one. Looking like an elegantly spooky Victorian doll is one thing, but looking like a spooky baby doll is an entirely different type of disturbing.

The next question, from a young gentleman named Tim, is about how to dress in a stylish and spooky manner while still working within rules set by one’s parents. (Well, questions, really, because Tim also asked for some advice on dealing with an argumentative classmate.)


Dear Lady of the Manners,

I have two issues. I will try to make this to-the point. I’m a seventh grader, and I have been having trouble with a kid named {name removed}. At school, he often makes rude comments about my gothic lifestyle. He claims to be a Christian, but he is incredibly self-righteous and claims that rock music, and anything non-traditional is evil. He won’t listen to anything I have to say.

My second issue is that my Mother is rather limiting on how I dress. I’m a fan of both the deathrock and Victorian looks (strange mix, yes?)

These are a list of things she won’t let me wear.
-no fishnet
-no black hair, no mowhawks
-no makeup
-nothing “weird”.

I think this leaves me with few options. How can I look spooky within her limitations?? Please help!!

First things first: You must simply try and ignore the kid who is making rude comments to you. Of course he won’t listen to anything you have to say. It sounds like he thinks he’s in the right about everything, and that you (being different) are wrong, and must be reminded of that. There is nothing you could say to change his mind, so the Lady of the Manners thinks you shouldn’t even bother. If there isn’t any real reason you need to talk with him, then don’t. If he makes rude comments about or to you, ignore them, or make vague, non-committal answers. (“Hmmm” in a thoughtful tone is always a safe bet.) If you have to talk to him because of a class assignment or something similar, only talk to him about the schoolwork.

Now, on to your clothing questions. The Lady of the Manners has seen some deathrock-tinged Victorian looks, and has been delighted with them. Admittedly, your mother’s restrictions will make it a bit more difficult for you to fully indulge in your preferred looks, but there are still ways to show your spooky tastes.

Since your mother has said nothing “weird”, that means you will probably need to stick with a more Victorian look instead of deathrock. Start searching through thrift stores for a black suit coat. The fabric doesn’t really matter; velvet, wool, a poly/rayon blend of some sort, just as long as it’s in good condition and is close-fitting.
While you’re at the thrift stores, also look for nice shirts and ties. (The Lady of the Manners is sure you know to look for them in black, white, and jewel tones, but thinks one can never be too clear about these sorts of things.) Once you have those basics (along with black jeans, slacks, and combat boots), you can start to customize them! Safety-pin patches for bands you like to the jacket, or smaller patches to a tie. (You can make your own designs for patches by using iron-on transfer paper with an ink-jet printer, or you can paint or stencil designs onto fabric, cut them out, and use them for patches.) If your school’s dress code would allow such a thing, run lines of safety pins down the seams of the jacket or down the side seams of your jeans.

As to your mother’s rules about no black hair, Mohawks, or makeup; yes, this will put a bit of a damper on achieving a true deathrock look. But be patient, and see if you can’t strike a bargain with her: she’ll allow you to dye your hair or have a Mohawk if you get consistently good grades, or help out more with household chores.

With that, Snarklings, the Lady of the Manners is going to wander off, drink a cup of tea, and contemplate the alterations she wants to make to a recently-acquired jacket. The next lesson here at Gothic Charm School will concern a Goth parent who needs some advice on how to deal with other parents who are less than supportive or welcoming to her daughter. The Lady of the Manners has been delighted with all the letters you Snarklings have been sending her; please keep writing!

Posted in Being Fashionable | Leave a comment

New Designs at the Gothic Charm School Store!

Posted on September, 2007 by Lady of the Manners

Merchandise, Snarklings! There are 14 designs to choose from, including stunning new bat designs, the classic Gothic Charm School crest, the ever-popular Friends don’t let friends dress like The Crow motto, and Snarkling. At long last! Black Gothic Charm School apparel for ladies, gentlemen, and babybats. 

Buy your Gothic Charm School goodies here!

Coming Soon: the Housewares section, home to mugs, mousepads, buttons, and stickers! 

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Of Book Reviews Concerning Gothic Fantasy, and of Disapproving Parents

Posted on September, 2007 by Lady of the Manners

Hello Snarklings! The Lady of the Manners apologizes for not posting anything for a bit, but would like to make it up to you all with a book review and a reply to a reader letter.

(“Waitaminute”, the perceptive among you might be thinking, “At the end of the last lesson, she said she was going to review a book, and answer reader mail! How is this making it up to all of us?” You would be absolutely correct. But the Lady of the Manners isn’t able to bring all of you cupcakes or bat cookies, and so begs you to accept her heartfelt apologies.)

So, book reviews! The charming people at Immanion Press sent the Lady of the Manners a copy of Tourniquet: Tales from the Renegade City, by Kim Lakin-Smith. The Lady of the Manners is very thankful that they did, because it is a marvelous book. A dark urban fantasy, it imagines a world where a wildly successful Gothic Rock band called Origin devotes themselves to creating a Mecca for those of a dark and flamboyant temperament. An entire city populated by various stripes of subcultures, all held together by the magic of Belief and consensual reality. Oh yes, Snarklings; the denizens of Renegade City have recreated themselves into their dreams and nightmares, and divided into tribes. But Roses, the lead singer of Origin, is dead. Signs of turmoil and decay are creeping around the edges of the tribes, and Druid, Roses’ brother, finally drags himself out of his self-imposed reclusive ways to try and find some answers.

Now, the Lady of the Manners feels she must state very clearly that Tourniquet: Tales from the Renegade City may not be to every-one’s tastes. The writing is lush and overblown, if not verging on lurid and over the top in some sections. If you are a reader that does not want to wallow in descriptive and purple prose, the Lady of the Manners regretfully must tell you that this is not a book you would enjoy. However, if, like the Lady of the Manners, you are a fan of authors such as Tanith Lee, Storm Constantine, and Ray Bradbury, then Tourniquet is for you.

The book is short (237 pages), and ends in a way which doesn’t so much telegraph “sequel” as shout it while waving its arms, but is a satisfying story that doesn’t spend pages and pages on dry exposition or backstory. The conceit of a city of Goths and other subcultures founded on consensual reality (Belief with a capital B, as it is referred to in the book) is simultaneously new and familiar; familiar, at least, to the Lady of the Manners, who has long entertained idle daydreams of such a thing. The descriptions of the denizens and tribes of Renegade City are note-perfect: when the Lady of the Manners re-read the book, she amused herself by figuring out which tribe would apply to various friends. The Lady of the Manners also amused herself by playing “spot the influence”; Kim Lakin-Smith is obviously immersed in the Goth subculture, and her sly references throughout to songs, movies, and bands are obviously meant as heartfelt compliments, and never cross over that nebulous line into “cheap gimmick” territory. The Lady of the Manners has placed Tourniquet: Tales from the Renegade City on her “Books to Re-Read” shelf, which is as high of praise as the Lady of the Manners can give.

Next is a letter from a young lady calling herself “A rather exasperated Snarkling”. The Lady of the Manners is asked this sort of question fairly often, but the Lady of the Manners felt it was time for another round of answers:

Dear Lady of the Manners,
I am impressed with your site and the advice that you give to the Gothic community.
So now I have decided to write to you with a question that you most likely get all
the time from teenagers.

What do you do when you’ve tried your best to explain the Gothic subculture to your
parental units either by (please forgive my long list with run on sentences)
-patiently explaining that you are not in a cult, worshipping the devil or ‘evil’,
-redirecting them to your site with your article on the advice to parents, and in a last ditch attempt,
-try to get them to get to know the Gothic English teacher at your school on a band trip to prove that not all goths are satanists.

BUT they still are (again I apologize for the length);
-prejudice against all things creepy and macabre because they weren’t “raised around that sort of stuff”
-make a point of flat out saying in front of your friends that the way you dress embarrasses them (even though you could introduce them to more than 5 people who are more hard core)
-Playing the guilt card to come to family reunions with cousins who live in preppy land and actually got on a hit list for tormenting the goth/emo/hardcore/alternative/other kids at their school
-makes a show of standing outside Hot Topic declaring it an “evil devil-worshipping store” loud enough for the people walking by to glance?

I’ve tried and tried and tried. Although my problem is mainly with my mom. My dad
doesn’t really care as long as I don’t get anything pierced that God did not intend
to be pierced or walk out of the house inappropriately dressed. But my mom on the
other hand has done everything on the list in my question. I tried redirecting her
to your page, but she said she only got about a third through it because it was late
and she was tired and has not gone back to read it since (this was about 2 months
ago).

I guess what I’m trying to ask, is there any other way to educate my extremely
stubborn mother about the Gothic subculture and hope she understands my personality
and see that I’m more comfortable in black velvet skirts and lace instead of short
skirts and polos, or should I wait a few years until I’m in college to get back into
the Goth scene when I’ve moved out and she can’t complain?

-Sincerely,
A rather exasperated Snarkling

Oh you poor dear. It sounds like your mother has very firmly Made Up Her Mind that the Gothic subculture is Something To Be Frightened Of, and that she is not in the slightest bit interested in being shown differently. The Lady of the Manners hates to break it to you, but it doesn’t really sound like there is any other way for you to try and change your mother’s views. According to your letter, you’ve already tried the various things the Lady of the Manners would have suggested. Does this mean the Lady of the Manners is going to tell you that you will need to wait until you’re in college to get back into the Goth scene? Heavens no. What the Lady of the Manners suggests is a combination of stealth and boundary-setting.

Stealth, because the Lady of the Manners feels that you are probably going to have to tone down your Gothy ways a bit. No, not by dressing in short skirts and polos, but by trying not to discuss anything connected to Goth when your mother is around. That isn’t going to stop her making comments, you understand, but by not bringing up the subject, you might cut down on the number of comments and rants. Also, do everything you can to prove you are a Good Kid. Do well in school. Do all your chores and help out around the house without grumbling. Don’t break any curfews, and avoid being untruthful about where you are going or what you are doing. Try to make sure that the only thing your mother could object to is your appearance and your “creepy and macabre” tastes, and when she does object to them, point out what a Good Kid you are in other areas. Perhaps over time, she’ll realize how lucky she is to have a child that is smart, articulate, and has a strong sense of self. If she doesn’t come to realize how lucky she is, perhaps she’ll at least notice the marked contrast between your behavior and the behavior of other “normal” kids. Yes, the Lady of the Manners is aware that she is telling to you to try and become an unnaturally perfect person. The Lady of the Manners doesn’t actually expect that you will be completely flawless, but wants to stress that the fewer “normal teen” things your mother has to complain about, the more ludicrous her reaction to your Gothy self will be. Just be sure that there are people you can safely vent to when the stress of trying to appease your mother occasionally drives you mad.

You also need to start … oh goodness, the Lady of the Manners doesn’t want to say “talking back to your mother”, because that conjures up images of disrespect and arguments, but you do need to handle her as you would handle anyone else making rude or unkind comments. The next time your mother says she’s embarrassed by the way you are dressed, reply that you are embarrassed for her when she insults you or shows how close-minded she is. But! DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS IF YOU CANNOT KEEP YOUR TEMPER UNDER CONTROL. (Yes Snarklings, that statement absolutely needed to be in capital letters and bolded.) The Lady of the Manners realizes that it is a hugely difficult task to keep one’s temper when a parent is being condescending, insulting, or dismissive about one’s interests. But the instant you switch from a matter-of-fact tone to one that sounds upset or angry, your parent can (and probably will) retort with something like “You’re being childish and over-emotional!”, and will not take what you’re saying seriously.

The Lady of the Manners is afraid to say that keeping your temper in check is something you’re going to to need to practice often, because in addition to trying to make it clear to your mother that you do not appreciate being insulted and harassed by her, you are also going to need to make it clear that you are your own person with your own interests and tastes, and that you are not going to stop being your own person just because your mother doesn’t approve. You say that your father doesn’t really care; have you tried talking to him about why your mother is so hysterical about and afraid of the Gothic subculture? Even if he says that he can’t change your mother’s opinion (or, heaven forbid, that he doesn’t want to get involved), perhaps your talking to him about Goth and why it interests you will help in making communication with your mother less fraught with tension.

The Lady of the Manners would like to finally remind you that while it seems like you are going through endless suffering and annoyance right now, it really will be only a few short years until you can flee to college and start being your own person without constant parental criticism. Just try to remember that your mother probably thinks she has your best interests at heart, and that she is trying to make you happy. Of course, her idea of happy does not AT ALL match yours, but at the heart of everything she probably means well.

Upcoming installments at Gothic Charm School (which will, the Lady of the Manners hopes, happen much sooner rather than later) include a question from a Goth-inclined mother who wants to know what she should do when other parents make false assumptions about her spooky youngster, and possibly a brief digression about the seemingly never-ending pop fashion trend for adorning everything with skulls (and why that is both gratifying and a smidge annoying.) And just like the Lady of the Manners says at the end of every lesson, please feel free to send her a letter!

Posted in Book Reviews, Growing Pains | Leave a comment

The Lady of the Manners on Internet Radio!

Posted on September, 2007 by Lady of the Manners

The Lady of the Manners will be a guest on The Eclectic Word together with Allyson Beatrice (author of Will the Vampire People Please Leave the Lobby) on Friday, Sept. 7th at 7 p.m. EST/4 p.m. PST.

Poet and journalist Victor D. Infante hosts The Eclectic Word, an Internet radio show that delves into literature’s fringe with poets, satirists, alternative journalists and even (gasp!) bloggers, stepping off the beaten path of literature, taking a close look at the odd, the eccentric and the cutting-edge.

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Of Reader Mail Concerning Mourning, the Military, and Teachers

Posted on September, 2007 by Lady of the Manners

Reader mail, Snarklings! Yes, it’s time for another lesson full of questions taken from the Gothic Charm School mailbox. The Lady of the Manners wishes she was able to reply to each and every letter you delightful Snarklings send, but pesky realities such as sleeping and going to work seem to take up more time then they should. But, dear Snarklings, the Lady of the Manners is going to have more lessons that will feature reader mail, with only occasional breaks for book reviews and topics the Lady of the Manners wants to rant hold forth about.

The first reader letter is from a young man calling himself Lost Recruit:

I have a slight dilemma. You see, I have fallen under the…title, for lack of another way too put it, of Goth. But my future career could strip me of the ‘title’ I’ve actually come to accept. You see I’ve enlisted into our United States Marine Corps just this July. I am worried about losing the spirit that has earned me such a unique view from my peers. Any advice Ma’am? I would’ve looked through the archives but couldn’t find anything that looked like it would work.
Thank you much.

Firstly, the Lady of the Manners would like to congratulate you on your enlistment, and hopes that your military career is both fulfilling and safe. As to being worried about having to forsake your gothy nature upon joining the military: at first glance, a life of military service does seem incompatible with such a thing. But the Lady of the Manners wants to reassure you that your joining the military DOES NOT mean you will have to turn your back on the Goth subculture which you call your home. The Lady of the Manners knows many Goths who have been in the military, and none of them lost their dark spirit and unique views. However, be aware that your different outlook on things will most likely earn you attention and comments from your fellow service people. Be prepared for sarcastic questions and sometimes even outright hostility, and try not to respond in kind. Be polite and matter-of-fact about who you are, and please don’t feel that you have to change your personality or views to fit in or to succeed, because that isn’t the case at all. Again, the best of luck to you!

—–

The next question is from a young lady named Kat. A question that the Lady of the Manners spent a very long time researching in order to find a good answer. While this answer is the best one the Lady of the Manners was able to come up with, the Lady of the Manners still isn’t wholly satisfied with it and is a bit disheartened as a result:

My mother in law died, and I found it difficult to portray to the public that I was in mourning. As a goth, I already wear black. It is no longer appropriate to put on a hat with a veil to indicate mourning (though we love it for the club), and looks silly with my casual outfits for the grocery store, etc.

How, as a goth-in-black, can I indicate to the world that yes, someone DID die, and please treat me with gentleness as I’m sad.

Kat, the Lady of the Manners is very sorry for your loss. The Lady of the Manners is also sorry to say that there no longer seem to be any appropriate and real social conventions for indicating that someone is mourning, which is a shame. Wearing black clothing all the time is no longer a sign of mourning OR of being a Goth; it frequently means that the person simply prefers a monochromatic wardrobe. As to veils, and black-edged handkerchiefs and writing paper, those things seem to only be used by people with a taste for antique costuming. The Lady of the Manners suspects that if the average person were to receive a note on black-edged stationary, they wouldn’t realize the symbolic meaning of that black border.

After much researching and discussion with other wise people, the best suggestion the Lady of the Manners has is to create and wear a black armband, edged in grey or lavender. It is a subtle gesture, but it would be distinctive enough that people would ask you about it and then you could respond that there had been a death in the family, and you wished to indicate both your state of mourning and your need to be treated gently. As the Lady of the Manners said, it is not an entirely satisfactory answer, but is at least a small signifier of what you are feeling. Please do let the Lady of the Manners know if you decide to follow this bit of advice, and what sort of reactions you receive because of it.

—-

The third and final reader question of this Gothic Charm School Lesson is from Abrar, and is about how to find a balance between one’s true self and living and working in a conservative community:

I hope you’re doing very well. I want to congratulate you on The Yahoo Picks Profile article. Being an avid reader for so long, it was really exciting to read it, and put a face to your wise words.

I don’t really think I have an inquiry as much as puzzlement about a certain matter that has to do with the irony in life.

You see, I lived as Goth individual in a conservative community – now when I say “conservative”, I unfortunately mean a bigot and a narrow minded one. I have never really paid much attention to their frequent lapses of scorn and disapproval or their endless gossiping. I never committed any ill deed nor attempted to persuade any of my opinions, so I had no one to answer to; but the responsibilities in life force interactions. I’m 23 years of age and will soon be working as a high school teacher. I never wish to change who I am to suit their ways, but, being a Libra, I want to balance between who I am and what is expected of me. Being deprived of my gothic clothes and accessories will set me to panic mood! Yet, I know I can compensate for my loss later in the day. But I know this state of duality will make anxious, let alone miserable.

How can I compromise between myself and who they expect me to be? You have talked about young Goths in schools, students who are ostracized and ridiculed for being who they want to be. This might sound funny, but what about teachers?! I personally have never met, nor heard of a Goth teacher. I have no idea what to expect, except for abiding general guidelines meant for every teacher.

I felt silly for most of the time I was writing this email. I really don’t expect a column responding to it since it’s really a subject of minority. I honestly am happy with the thought of you, the Lady of the Manners, reading my little email.
Thank you for your great columns! I wish you the very best.
Abrar

Good heavens, working as a high school teacher? The Lady of the Manners respects anyone who decides to work as a teacher, and that respect is even higher for anyone who decides to work in the crazy environment that is a modern high school.

Goth teachers? While the Lady of the Manners is fortunate enough to be friends with several charming and brilliant teachers, none of them are Goth. They are, however, all very much their own people, and the Lady of the Manners is certain that they do not dampen or stifle their personalities at work. They obviously don’t share all of their thoughts and enthusiasms with their students, but they don’t try and stuff themselves into a cookie-cutter template of A Normal Teacher. In fact, the Lady of the Manners thinks that your being one of the Black-Clad and Spooky Masses might be an asset to your teaching! You will be living breathing proof to students that it is possible to be unconventional in personality and interests AND be a success as a “grown-up”. With luck, you can be a teacher and a confidant to your students; the sort of cool teacher that everyone hopes they have at some point in their time at school.

In terms of your appearance, no, you probably shouldn’t wear all of your extremely Goth clothing and accessories to the school. But there is nothing wrong with following in many a Corporate Goth’s footsteps and wearing classically-cut clothing in black or dark jewel tones, and accessorizing them with some elegantly designed Gothic jewelry. You should try to avoid the more clichéd and perhaps controversial designs that incorporate any religious symbols or coffins, but the Lady of the Manners sees absolutely nothing wrong with silver bats. Or, for that matter, skulls, but that is partially due to mainstream fashion deeming that skulls are merely an “edgy” motif. In fact, the fashion industry’s interest in dark and Gothic styles will work to your advantage when it comes to dressing for work; as long as you don’t wear anything that is obviously meant to be worn to a night club (PVC, corsets, fishnet, extremely tight or revealing clothing), a work-appropriate Goth wardrobe shouldn’t cause you any problems.

Will there be parents and other teachers who look askance at you? Absolutely. But don’t let other people’s reactions make you think you must change who you are. You stated that ”I have never really paid much attention to their frequent lapses of scorn and disapproval or their endless gossiping. I never committed any ill deed nor attempted to persuade any of my opinions”; the Lady of the Manners encourages you to continue with that, and to show by your behavior that you are above that sort of petty thinking. The Lady of the Manners is not going to fib to you: being polite and acting unconcerned by the disapproval of others isn’t always easy. (The Lady of the Manners has found that having a few trusted friends one can vent to privately in person or by other means of communication is vital.) But being true to yourself while not being antagonistic or impolite to people determined to upset you is an important skill to polish, and an even more important skill to instruct teenagers in. Good luck in the coming school year!

—

That, Snarklings, is that for this Gothic Charm School lesson. The next one will include more letters from readers (including a very heartfelt one from a “rather exasperated Snarkling” who has run into a dead end in trying to convince their mother that being a Goth isn’t a bad thing), and a book review for Tourniquet by Kim Lakin-Smith. (The very quick version of the upcoming review is that the Lady of the Manners adored Tourniquet, and is quite looking forward to the next book by this author. But the Lady of the Manners will happily burble in detail about it in the next lesson.)

And as always Snarklings, please feel free to write to Gothic Charm School!

Posted in Being Mannerly, General, Growing Pains | Leave a comment

Of Reader Mail Concerning Religion, the Sun, Scars, and Fashion

Posted on August, 2007 by Lady of the Manners

Hello Snarklings! Things have been very exciting around Gothic Charm School of late, what with the Yahoo Picks Profile and the floods of email that it generated. The Lady of the Manners had several different topics she was all set to hold forth upon, but decided that an assortment of answers to reader mail would be much more entertaining.

The first question is from Cordelia Rose, who has apparently been reading Gothic Charm School for a while now:

question: As a long time reader I knew you were the perfect person to petition for advice when I received a message on facebook about a week ago (I know I should have replied sooner, but between work and perpetrations for moving countries it’s been busy.)
A long time acquaintance of mine sent me a very nice and polite message inquiring about my relations ship with Jesus Christ.

I’m touched that she cares about me enough to send me the message, and I respect how intimidating it must have been. However, being an Atheist, I don’t know how to respond in a way that expresses my high regards for her while firmly putting a stop to this sort of thing in the future.

Any advice you can offer would be much appreciated.

You have part of the answer right there in your letter, Snarkling. You should respond to your acquaintance with something along the lines of “I’m touched that you care about me enough to ask me this sort of question. While I am happy with my spiritual choices, I prefer not to discuss them”, and then go on with other conversational topics. If your acquaintance attempts to revisit the topic in following messages, be polite but firm in your refusal to discuss it. Be warned, you may have to repeat that you don’t want to discuss the topic several times. Of course, your acquaintance may not be inquiring because she wants to preach at you, but because she thinks you would be an interesting person to discuss religion and spirituality with. Perhaps you may want to subtly attempt to find out what she’d like to talk about before completely stopping the conversation.

—-

From a reader who calls themselves Photophobic, a question about how to deal with the Burning Orb in the Sky:

As a faithful reader, I rely on your socially adept yet totally workable solutions to everyday etiquette problems.

Here is my quandary – I currently live in the South. Due to the climate, I prefer to spend my time indoors, avoiding sun and/or heat. This always irritates friends and family who are inviting me to incessant pool parties, barbeques, trips to the lake and other outings which require exposure to the unkind elements. Even night outings can be uncomfortable when temperatures scarcely drop below 90.

When asked to explain my refusal to participate in these sorts of events, the anti-sun, no-sweat stance is usually met with disbelief if not outright contempt. After all, “IT’S SUMMER! IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE HOT.”

I’m left feeling whiny and anti-social; each refusal makes me think the invitations will stop coming altogether. Yet I refuse to lie and say I’m sick or need to spend time with my cat. There must be a way to reconcile social expectations with personal preference. How can I graciously decline invitations on account of the season?

The Lady of the Manners is in complete sympathy with you, dear. Summer is the Lady of the Manners’ least favorite season of all; not even the delights of ripe strawberries and cherries can make up for the glaring sun. The Lady of the Manners knows she’s lucky to live in an area renowned for its mild climate, and shudders at the notion of the sort of weather you have to put up with.

As to how to graciously decline invitations due to the season? Frame your declination in terms of you not wanting to be a killjoy at whatever event it is. ”Oh, I would love to go, but I just don’t seem to cope with heat well at all, and I become beastly to be around. Please tell me all the good stories afterward!”

However, if you keep declining invitations, you will run the risk of the invitations stopping. The Lady of the Manners isn’t going to dismiss your fears about that, because there is some truth to them. Which means, oh Photophobic Snarkling, that you will need to develop some strategies for coping with the heat and the sun. Wear loose, billowy clothing in white, ivory, or pale grey. You can wear loose, billowy clothing in all black (Heaven knows the Lady of the Manners doesn’t give up her black dresses during the summer), just understand that a lighter color would help deflect the heat better. Summer is an excellent time to scamper around in lightweight bloomers, chemises, and petticoats. Yes, the Lady of the Manners realizes this suggestion isn’t of much use to the gentlemen reading. Perhaps shirts and trousers made from lightweight cotton or linen? But Goths of all genders should carry a parasol; not only will you look delightfully antique, but you’ll have shade with you wherever you are. Also carry a folding fan to make your own cooling breeze, coat yourself in sunblock, and be sure to drink plenty of water.

—
A rather serious and heartfelt question comes from a young lady:

Hello there,

There is a question that has been on mind for sometime, I recently came across your site, and was quite impressed with the tasteful, and practical advice you give, and was hoping you could help me with a particular quandary that continues to puzzle me.
I used to self injure (burning, cutting, etc). I am now in the process of quitting. However, this practice left me with scars along visible parts of my body, I use leather cuffs with studs and other stylish accessories to cover them up, or long sleeves. But there are not always places I can wear such things (bridesmaid dresses, poolsâ _) My question to you then is, how to answer people when they ask with a certain judgmental snideness what happened. I know I could just tell them, but not wishing to give elderly people a heart attack, or be treated as a person with a problem, I change the subject. So any advice as to how to politely answer the question without coming off offensively would be greatly appreciated. Thanks 🙂

Well first, the Lady of the Manners wants to offer you very sincere congratulations on deciding to stop harming yourself. That’s wonderful, and hopefully the scars will be a reminder of why you wouldn’t want to go back to such behavior.

As for how to politely answer questions about the scars, it will depend on the situation. An answer of “They’re from a time when I made some poor decisions” (delivered in a polite, friendly manner, of course!) should be enough of an answer for most people. However, if the person asks for more information, you will need to decide if you want to explain things or simply change the subject. If you want to give a short explanation, you could say something like “I used to injure myself. I’ve stopped”. The important thing here is to be very matter-of-fact about it; try not to sound defensive. The Lady of the Manners wants to be certain that you understand that the fact that you previously injured yourself doesn’t make you a bad or broken person; it merely means you were confused and hurting, and now you’re learning better ways to deal with things. Please write back to the Lady of the Manners and let her know if you try this advice and how it works for you.

—
For something a bit lighter, a reader by the name of Paul asks about a subject the Lady of the Manners is very fond of:
I have a clothing question. I am 19 and I have been wanting to become a goth for sometime now and I am wondering were you buy gothic clothes. Now a lot of people saw hot topic but their is always a limited selection. I was wonder if their are other places to go to buy gothic clothing.

—
Where to buy Gothic clothes? Why, everywhere! Everywhere, that is, if you’re willing to put a smidge of effort into assembling your wardrobe, and not just looking to buy pre-packaged GAWTHICK items. Just about every place that sells clothing offers items in black; black slacks, a black blazer, and a dress shirt in black, white, or a deep jewel tone would look elegantly spooky. Not to mention those basics are easy to customize: change the buttons on the blazer or shirt. Add band patches and pins; find someplace that sells safety pins in bulk quantities and cover side seams in them. If you’re skillful at drawing, use fabric paint or bleach pens to add designs to the blazer. The ladies have it even easier, for not only do they have a wider selection of clothing styles to play with, but adding yards and yards of lace trim or ribbons to an item of clothing won’t get them as many odd looks as if a gentleman indulged himself similarly.

The Lady of the Manners’ favorite stores are thrift shops, consignment boutiques, and eBay. In fact, when the Lady of the Manners isn’t writing, she is sure to be found altering and decorating her latest clothing find. Yes, searching through thrift stores and customizing items does take time and patience, but is worth the effort if you want to avoid looking like a run-of-the-mill Mall Goth.

—
The Lady of the Manners could go on for hours and hours about Assembling Your Gothic Wardrobe, and very well might indulge herself in a full lesson here at Gothic Charm School in the near future. Will it be the very next one? Who knows! The Lady of the Manners is still working her way through the droves and droves of email all you lovely creatures have been sending her. But please, Snarklings, always feel free to write!

Posted in Being Fashionable, Being Social, Stuff & Oddments | Leave a comment

Gothic Charm School is featured at Yahoo Picks

Posted on August, 2007 by Lady of the Manners

“Long before we first reviewed her site in 2003, she’d been dispensing acclaimed etiquette advice to velvet-clad denizens of the night. Recently, we left our calling card at her door and were soon welcomed into Jilli’s virtual parlor to chat about politeness, romance, cupcakes, and the Crow.”

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Of Book Reviews Concerning Vampire People, with an Addendum Concerning Sex and Gossip

Posted on July, 2007 by Lady of the Manners

Yes, Snarklings, this episode of Gothic Charm School is a book review. A review for a book that the Lady of the Manners thinks is wonderful, but in case some of you aren’t interested in books or book reviews (and if that’s the case, the Lady of the Manners feels very sad for you), the Lady of the Manners does also answer some mail from readers afterward.

So. Remember in the last installment of Gothic Charm School, when the Lady of the Manners mentioned her friend Allyson Beatrice, author of Will the Vampire People Please Leave the Lobby? Why yes, that was foreshadowing, because that is indeed the book the Lady of the Manners has been exclaiming delightedly about, to anyone who will hold still for even a few seconds. Will the Vampire People Please Leave the Lobby? (From Sourcebooks, Inc.) is a collection of essays about what life is like on the Internet; specifically, what life is like on the Internet and what sort of friendships and connections can made in fandom.

(The Lady of the Manners can hear one of you muttering “Fandom? Wait, like those people who are obsessed with Harry Potter and stuff?” Well, yes, that’s one tiny branch of fandom. But any social network where people gather and talk about things they like can be classified as a fandom, whether they’re talking about books, comics, movies, TV shows, or makeup. Or even about being part of a black-clad, frequently misunderstood subculture.)

Allyson knows fandom and the Internet. She’s been involved in projects such as placing a “For Your Consideration” Emmy ad for the Buffy the Vampire Slayer series, organizing Buffy-related charity fundraisers, and was one of the key people behind the “Save Firefly” campaign. And while those experiences are a big part of her book, the heart of Will the Vampire People Please Leave the Lobby? is about friendships, and how meeting people online shouldn’t be perceived as any odder than making friends at a coffee shop.

The book is full of affectionate snark; Allyson doesn’t shy away from pointing out that with the good comes the crazy or outright bad, nor does she avoid talking about her own moments of self-doubt. But whether talking about her own fears that no one actually likes her, or what happens when fans start writing hate mail to the writers of TV shows because of story choices, it’s all done with fond (if beyond razor-sharp) wit.

A good friend of the Lady of the Manners once commented “A lot of what you get from the Internet corresponds to what you put in. It won’t make you any crazier than you were to start.” Allyson’s book is proof of this. For every person who wants to do nothing more than be an obnoxious, vitriol-spewing troll bent on disrupting communities, there are swarms of people who will band together to celebrate each other’s large and small successes, and who will open their hearts, homes, and sometimes even their PayPal accounts to the invisible people on the other side of the glowing screen.

——–

Goodness, Snarklings, what have you lot been getting up to when the Lady of the Manners has been distracted by books and hasn’t been paying attention? Over the past couple months, the Lady of the Manners has received a steady trickle of letters much like the following two:

I have read many of your articles and I have found them all helpful. Now, I am curious as to your views on propriety when dealing with the opposite sex (or for some folks, the same sex). In other words, what makes one “easy”?
Additionally, how does one best handle gossip in regards to their reputation? Is it better to (politely) speak in one’s own defense or to not entertain such gossip at all?

-A curious reader

——-

Have you got any suggestions on how to get rid of an ill repute when you kind of do deserve it?

A little background: I arrived at the local goth scene a few months ago, and entered a relationship pretty much immediately. after this relationship ended, I ended up having several brief flings (or, to put it bluntly, one night stands) from both the goth scene and the metal scene. Although these do not cross much here, there is enough that when I finally started talking to certain people again, I found out I had gained something of a bad name – I am sure you can guess what was said about me, “loose” being probably the nicest thing.

Any suggestions, dear lady, how to start undoing the damage to my reputation? I don’t really CARE about what is being said – I don’t find sexuality to be something ashamed of. but this is playing havoc with my social life and even though I have no particular desire to have a “standing” I would rather be in a situation where people will not avoid me or new people get warned away from me based on what is a hell of a lot of embellishment.

Oh good heavens. Well, to start with, the Lady of the Manners has some very simple advice: if you don’t want people to talk about what you’re doing, don’t do it. Or learn to be extremely private and circumspect about it. In a perfect world, such things would only matter to the people involved, and pointed comments and whispers wouldn’t be bandied about. But people are always going to talk about what others get up to, and if you don’t want your sex life to become the subject of speculation and gossip, then you need to do everything you can to become a very private person. Or decide that you don’t care what other people are saying. The Lady of the Manners has said this about a lot of things, but it is especially true in this regard: everything has consequences, and you have to decide if those consequences outweigh whatever fun you’re having. If you’re “mature” enough to have multiple romantic or sexual partners, you need to be mature enough to ignore the inevitable gossip.

Yes, ignore the gossip. If you try and defend your behavior, the people gossiping about you will gleefully assume they’ve made you upset and defensive. As to worrying about what new people might be told about you, that’s another exercise in frustration. The best you can do is hope that new people you meet will not have already heard tales about you. If they have, there’s nothing you can do about it except show that you’re a delightful person to know, and should act like the gossip has no impact on your life.

As to what makes one “easy”? Oh, that’s a simple answer. “Easy” is defined by whatever behavior the speaker doesn’t particularly care for or approve of in others. Which is to say, there is no definition for “easy”, and what one person would consider perfectly normal would be scandalous and beyond the pale to another. Or, in the case of people with double standards, what they think is appropriate behavior for them is something they will reject others for indulging in. The best advice the Lady of the Manners can offer is (again!) to ignore any gossip or rumors that may get back to you, and concentrate on being the person you want to be. (The Lady of the Manners doesn’t need to make the statement about “as long as you’re not hurting anyone else”, does she? The Lady of the Manners likes to think that sort of thing is self-evident, but does occasionally worry.)

With that, Snarklings, the Lady of the Manners is going to spend the rest of the day re-reading Will the Vampire People Please Leave the Lobby? and avoiding various Internet Dramas. The next installment of Gothic Charm School is probably going to be a grab-bag of answers to assorted letters from readers. Which, as always, means you (yes, you!) should write to the Lady of the Manners.

Posted in Book Reviews, Love & Romance | Leave a comment

Goth vs. Emo

Posted on July, 2007 by Lady of the Manners

So. Goth vs. Emo. Oh yes, Snarklings, the Lady of the Manners has been receiving quite the flurry of mail about this topic. And the Lady of the Manners must admit that at first, she had no earthly clue why. But then the Lady of the Manners did a little poking around, and discovered that some of the sullen looking babybats that the Lady of the Manners had been smiling at were very likely emo kids. (Or so the Lady of the Manners was told by others.)

And then the Lady of the Manners did some more poking around, and discovered that very few of those kidlings would describe themselves as emo. That “emo” was frequently used as a derogatory term to be hurled at someone who was being open about their emotions, usually of the Woe, Pain, and Suffering variety.

Well. All of this poking around did was further befuddle the Lady of the Manners. Was there indeed an emo subculture? Or was it a handy buzzword that was being slapped on everything that could be related to black-clad kids? And how on earth was the Lady of the Manners supposed to be able to tell the difference between black-clad, eyeliner-smudged gothlings and black-clad, eyeliner-smudged emo kids?

Some handy history: According to the very informative “what the heck *is* emo, anyway?” website (run by Andy Radin), the short version is this: emo (short for “emotional”) is a rock genre. However, it’s often used to refer to a style of dress, a kind of (usually bad) poetry, etc. And like any subculture or scene that springs up, there is a particular look or style that seems to go along with it. In the case of emo, that means tight black jeans, tight t-shirts, layers of hoodies and/or thrift store jackets, asymmetrical hair (usually dyed black and loaded with product to make it even more asymmetrical), and eyeliner on everyone.

You see, at first glance that look isn’t too far off from the sort of appearance that a lot of young Goths present. Especially if they’re aiming for the punk/deathrock side of the Goth scene, instead of the more historical-inspired fashions. And because emo is the buzzword of the moment, that label is being applied to just about anyone who wears black, a lot of eyeliner, and doesn’t present a Shiny Happy demeanor to the world at all times.

There are many differences between Goth and emo, even if the casual observer can’t spot them right away. One of the Lady of the Manners’ friends, Allyson Beatrice, author of “Would the Vampire People Please Leave the Lobby”, once asked the Lady of the Manners if “goth = getting laid in a coffin and emo = listening to sad music while crying about not getting laid in a coffin” was an accurate summary of the main difference. And while the Lady of the Manners winced a tiny bit at the stereotypes that were screamingly front and center in that statement, the Lady of the Manners also had to admit that for a flippant, off-the-cuff summary, it did sum up the core difference. Goths are spooky, emo kids (the Lady of the Manners just can’t bring herself to write “emos”) are angry and depressed.

(Of course, if we’re going to talk about bad stereotypes, Goth supposedly leads to violence, and emo supposedly leads to cutting and self-harm. Neither of which are true, but you knew that. You did know that, didn’t you? There is no subculture the Lady of the Manners can think of that requires violence and harm toward yourself or others. Why some people seem determined to believe otherwise, the Lady of the Manners isn’t sure.)

Goth, as the Lady of the Manners has said before, is in many ways about finding beauty, romance, and decadence in dark or unexpected places. While, to the Lady of the Manners’ eyes, emo seems to be more about expressing (or, in fact, wallowing in) one’s own sad and angry emotions rather than looking for the darkly beautiful.

Because emo seems to be all about wallowing in the Woe and Grrr!, emo has become an easy target for mocking. Deservedly so? The Lady of the Manners doesn’t really think so. In fact, when the Lady of the Manners sees other Goths mocking or making fun of people from the emo scene, the Lady of the Manners gets a bit annoyed. Goths are rather infamous for Looking Different From Other People and have to deal with fear and suspicion about ourselves; mocking other people because of how they look or because you think they’re whiny is a touch of “pot, meet kettle”. Besides, the Lady of the Manners remembers when Goths were the ones labeled as whiny, depressed, and a danger to themselves; not to mention the fact that Goth kids are still getting bullied and picked on. How is picking on the emo kids any better than what bullies are doing to our own?

For those of you Snarklings that have written asking what to do about people who call you “emo”, the Lady of the Manners has a very simple piece of advice. Ignore them. Don’t get all huffy about how you’re NOT, and don’t get defensive. The Lady of the Manners has no idea if the people calling you emo really think that you are, but suspects that they’re just trying to get a reaction from you. That if they weren’t calling you “emo”, they’d be calling you “vampire” or asking if you know that it’s not Halloween yet. They’re trying to upset you, and trying to get a rise out of you. Don’t give them that satisfaction. Ignore them. Act as if whatever they say is of no importance to you whatsoever.

With that last bit of advice, the Lady of the Manners thinks she’s blithered on about Goth vs. emo enough now, and is going to wander off to try and organize the Lady of the Manners’ boxes of black lace trims. Upcoming posts to Gothic Charm School include book reviews and advice on how to deal with gossip about one’s romantic and sexual habits. If you have a question or a book recommendation for the Lady of the Manners, please, Snarklings, write!

Posted in General, Stuff & Oddments | Leave a comment

Of Differences of Opinion. And IKEA.

Posted on July, 2007 by Lady of the Manners

Why is it, Snarklings, that Some People are compelled to respond to any difference of opinion by being rude and abrasive? Why Some People, when faced with someone who doesn’t agree with them, resort to insults, which are usually quickly followed by “OMG, it’s a JOKE!!! You’re SO stupid for getting upset!”

You see, what the Lady of the Manners is trying to figure out is why Those Sorts don’t understand that indulging in that sort of behavior is rude. Mocking people who disagree with you doesn’t make you look clever, and it certainly doesn’t sway people to agree with you.

Hmmm. Perhaps the Lady of the Manners should back up a bit, and explain what prompted this particular post. Did all of you know about the IKEA advertisement that mentioned Goths, Snarklings? Oh yes, last week IKEA had an ad with the text ”Brightens up your grad’s dorm. Unlike a creepy gothic roommate, who can be a bad influence.”

You can imagine, Snarklings, the uproar that this advertisement caused in the Goth community. The Lady of the Manners herself wasn’t terribly pleased by that advertisement. “Creepy” is just fine; creepy is one of the key adjectives for anyone in the Goth subculture. (If you don’t agree, the Lady of the Manners would like to gently suggest that you go listen to the theme song for the Addams Family again.) No, the Lady of the Manners raised an eyebrow at the “bad influence” bit of nonsense. As the Lady of the Manners frequently says, Goths are no more of a bad influence than anyone else, no matter what the strident and hysterical news media keeps trying to tell everyone.

Many other people were annoyed by the “bad influence” line, or upset by the ad in general. Letters were sent to IKEA to express disappointment and to explain that many Goths would no longer be shopping at IKEA. Naturally segueing to discussions online, which seemed to be made up of those who were annoyed or upset by the ad ”¦ and those who thought the whole thing was a big joke. That anyone who felt differently were stupid drama queens with no senses of humor. Which, you may notice, brings the Lady of the Manners right back to where she started this column.

Telling someone that their reaction to something is stupid is never a good idea. Everyone has their own opinion, and no one is going to agree about everything all the time. But there are worlds of difference between telling someone you don’t agree with them and telling someone that they are stupid for caring about something. One leads to a potentially interesting discussion, while the other leads to pointless drama and snippy comments hurled to and fro.

Oh, and about the pointless drama and to-and-fro-ing of snippy comments: look Snarklings, the Lady of the Manners is going to be very blunt. Spending time mocking people for not thinking like you do makes you seem like a sad loser. Sure, you may think you’re being terribly clever and funny and oh-so-superior; what you’re actually doing is showing people that your life is very empty and that you have nothing better to do with yourself. Proclaiming that you’re only behaving this way because you think it’s all so terribly funny isn’t a good excuse, either. In short, you’re acting like a troll. Why should anyone take you seriously?

As for those of you who encounter someone behaving in that manner, the Lady of the Manners has a simple piece of advice for you: ignore them. Nothing you say or do will change their minds, and they’re probably being so inflammatory because they have nothing else to fill the empty hours of their life. So don’t give them the validation of your time or attention. Let them broadcast their tedious and boring flame-bait comments in ALL CAPS to an uncaring universe. Don’t bother trying to reason with them, or take anything they say seriously. Ignore them.

Back to the IKEA ad: as the Lady of the Manners said earlier, she was not thrilled about the “bad influence” comment, and thought the ad was poorly-worded and not in the slightest bit funny. The Lady of the Manners is disappointed that a major corporation didn’t stop to think about the implications of what their advertisements say, and hopes that the deluge of irate letters they suffered will make them pay closer attention to such things. And no, the Lady of the Manners doesn’t think that being concerned over poorly-worded and unfunny ad copy is a sign of taking things too seriously, or that everyone who was concerned about the ad has lost their senses of humor and/or their minds, but understands why someone else might feel that way.

—
Coming soon! The Lady of the Manners is going to indulge in a few book reviews, and finally write that long-threatened column of “Goths vs. Emo”. If you have a question (or a book recommendation, or if you just want to express your opinions on Goths or Emo), by all means, please write!

Posted in Being Mannerly, General | Leave a comment