Of Parents Disapproving Of Your Evolving Style, With A Short Tangent About Emilie Autumn

Posted on October, 2009 by Lady of the Manners

Goodness, Snarklings! The Lady of the Manners is sure that all of you have seen the photos all around the Web of President Obama and his family with the Spanish Prime Minister and his family, including his two gothling teen daughters. The Lady of the Manners thinks the photo is adorable, and fervently hopes that the Spanish Prime Minister has been keeping his daughters out of the media spotlight because he wants them to have some privacy, not because he is possibly embarrassed by the girls’ Goth appearance. Because (by the Lady of the Manners’ logic), if the Spanish Prime Minister was apprehensive about his daughters’ gothy tendencies, he would have done what parents of Goths have done for ages, and informed his daughters that they were not going to attend the event dressed like that. But obviously he didn’t, and the whole photo just makes the Lady of the Manners beam fondly.

Speaking of possible parental disapproval, this edition of Gothic Charm School involves a question that caught the Lady of the Manners’ eye because not only is it about a Snarkling trying to get her mother to accept her evolving style, but it is also (tangentially) about a musical artist that the Lady of the Manners is quite fond of. Here, read the quandary Megan finds herself mired in:


Hello,

First, let me say I adore what you’re doing. I picked up your book while studying at the book store/cafe near me and have since found your site and been reading for three days straight. You have the most fabulous style and advice.

Now, onto my problem. My mother has always accepted that I was and am a… Strange child. When I was 14 I began the whole phase of what I and some friends lovingly refer to as ‘gawfik’. It boils down to ‘Goth-In-A-Box’ and mimicking what the cool goth kids wore. Needless to say it was pathetic, uncomfortable and didn’t win me many friends.

But my mother took all this in stride and while she would roll her eyes at my insistence that I just had to wear my Tripp pants to the store just in case someone I knew was there, she’d allow it and deal because I wasn’t harming anyone. Though through this whole time I had failing grades, isolated myself and was just generally horrible to everyone.

Now however…
I’ve grown up. I’m a well-rounded young lady of 18 years and have taken my studies to heart, I don’t party, I make all A’s and study four different languages while being an artist and musician and planning to go to college for forensic science.

Now here is where my problem starts. My style has evolved now. I’m finally back into things and instead of off the rack Hot Topic clothes I want a style something like yours, only if your style went through the Apocalypse. Victoriandustrial is the name, inspired by a lovely woman by the name of Emilie Autumn.

I just have problems doing it with confidence and my mom has problems with all of it. I love the style, I want to search thrift stores for everything possible I can use, I collect patterns and horde material for when I can use it. I just get so scared to dress that way… In front of my mom. I can take the stupid comments from strangers, but it’s my mother’s looks of… Well, near disgust. Her little comments about corsets or my stompy boots or stripped stockings. It makes me want to run to my room, throw on jeans and a rainbow tee and present myself at her mercy.

You’ll see in some of Emilie Autumn’s pictures her shorts get quite short, not quite what I’m doing. I like my pants a bit longer, my skirts too, and more full of gathering and trains… And bustles and… Well, you get the idea. Yet she has a problem with this. I look far more elegant now, approachable and when out with friends dressed how I want I am fine, I feel like a rule the world and get tons of compliments on what I wear. It is only with my mother I feel shame.

Of course, now that I am a good student she decides I am not allowed to go to the museum wearing a corset, even if it is over a white silk shirt with pageboy pants and riding boots. No, I can not do smudgy black liner all around my eyes. No, bright red lipstick is not acceptable. Oh, but I can dye my hair teal and chop it all off if I want, so long as she gets to make comments on how it looks like cotton candy and make me want to hide in my room.

Sorry, started getting into a tangent there.

How can I explain this is what makes me happy? That long skirts with lace, corsets and boots and stripe stockings and a undead Victorian look makes me happy and warm inside and that her looks of disapproval make me feel ashamed?

I have a good relationship with her and I’d love to keep it that way, I just have no idea how to tell her this when she goes on and on about how our house is full of acceptance. I mean, my best friend is allow to run around in drag and do make up all over himself if he wishes, but I can’t even wear a corset over my long sleeved, hip length silk shirt.

Any advice would be wonderful,
Megan

Oh you dear Snarkling. The Lady of the Manners is very aware of Emilie Autumn and her Victorianindustrial style. In fact, the Lady of the Manners is looking forward to seeing Emilie Autumn and her Bloomer Brigade in concert, and is also eagerly awaiting the release of the Asylum For Wayward Victorian Girls book. The Lady of the Manners is quite charmed by Emilie Autumn’s tattered, post-apocalyptic, and mad-girl take on Victorian styles, and thinks day-to-day life would be much more interesting and entertaining if other people decided to decorate themselves in a similar fashion.

So why is your mother so disapproving of your wanting to adorn yourself like an undead Victorian? At a guess, probably because when you were a wee “gawfik” babybat of 14, your mother was convinced that it was all just a phase you were going through. Especially because you say that you were also isolating yourself and being horrible to people at that time; your mother probably thought that if she didn’t make a fuss over how you looked, that you would figure out who you were and how you wanted to present yourself to the world. Which is wonderful, and the Lady of the Manners wants to encourage all parents of younger gothlings to just shrug and accept their babybat’s oh-so-spookypants ways.

But. Underneath all of that shrugging, rolling her eyes, and letting you wear your Tripp pants to the store just in case there was someone you knew there, your mother probably held onto the idea that as you got older, you would grow out of it. Not grow into an even more elaborate, elegant, and somewhat theatrical sense of style. The fact that you have applied yourself to your studies, are getting straight As, and have decided what you want to do with your life are apparently not enough to rid your mother of the notion that Goth is something that you were supposed to grow out of. Which, as you well know, is ridiculous. The Lady of the Manners is of the opinion that while many youngsters use Goth as something of a template for expressing rebellion and teen angst, the ones who stay in the Goth subculture grow into it and make it their own. They go on to put their own twists and takes on this velvet-lined, gloom-limned world and become their own persons, which is absolutely as it should be.

So what can Megan do? You know what the Lady of the Manners’ suggestion is going to be, don’t you, Snarklings? Megan, sit down with your mother and ask her what her objections to your personal style are. Don’t feel that you have to defend or justify the way you want to present yourself, not at all! But as you talk with your mother about why she seems so against your expressing yourself, be prepared to … er … well, perhaps not correct her, but to point out where her fears might be not based in reality. Explain to her that dressing this way makes you feel happy and confident and truly yourself, and that corsets, bustles, and stripy stockings do not change the fact that you are a good person. Tell her (as you told the Lady of the Manners) that you feel you have a good relationship with her and you don’t want that to change; then tell her that you are hurt that her acceptance seems to apply to everyone but her own daughter.

Now, no matter how carefully you word this, your mother will still probably be a bit defensive. The Lady of the Manners hopes that your mother doesn’t realize how upsetting her comments have been, and once she gets past the first flash of defensiveness, she will try her best to not make you feel small and ashamed any longer. But if she continues to make those sorts of comments about how you choose to present yourself, then you must learn to ignore her. Yes, ignore your mother. There are always going to be people who don’t approve of or agree with you about, well, just about anything, and sometimes those people are family members. Sometimes all you can do is nod and acknowledge that you have heard their comments, and ignore those comments and be the person you want to be. Yes, it will be difficult, and yes, sometimes it may be painful to ignore what people are saying, but it’s something you must learn to do.

Of course, the Lady of the Manners very much hopes that this is all simply a case of your mother not realizing that her reactions to your wardrobe have been chipping away at your self esteem, and that once you sit down and talk to her, she will wholeheartedly support you and your self-expression. Please write back to the Lady of the Manners and let her know how the conversation goes!

Next time at Gothic Charm School, the Lady of the Manners rather suspects that it’s time for a Where To Find Gothy Clothing post. At least, there seems to have been a great many questions asking that in the Gothic Charm School mailbox of late! You know, that Gothic Charm School mailbox that you can send emails to …?

Posted in Being Fashionable, Growing Pains | 1 Comment

Of Nicknames. And Of Fan Art!

Posted on September, 2009 by Lady of the Manners

Forgive the delay between posts, Snarklings. Firstly, the Lady of the Manners wanted to make sure that the post about Goths of Color had a goodly stay on the front page. Secondly, the Lady of the Manners is recovering from the flu, and has not felt up to writing anything more in depth than the occasional ennui-laden LiveJournal entry. But! The aches, chills, and fever have finally gone away, and the Lady of the Manners feels clear-headed enough to do more than glance fuzzily at her inbox!

One very flattering question that appears in the Gothic Charm School mailbox frequently is if there are going to be more Gothic Charm School videos on YouTube. Yes, Snarklings, eventually. The Lady of the Manners has been discussing some ideas with her brilliant and talented friends who helped create the first three videos, and there are Plans Afoot! But the Lady of the Manners is unable to give you even a vague projection of when a new video may appear, as there is much wrangling with the schedules of everyone involved to be dealt with, first. But yes, more videos are going to happen!

Fan art! Oh, the Lady of the Manners has been tickled to death to be given fan art!

The stripy jacket! The tiny fangs! The bats! Yes, the Lady of the Manners has cheerfully embraced the notion that she’s somewhat of a zany cartoon character, and thus absolutely adores receiving fan art, especially manga-esque fan art. (When the Lady of the Manners attended the Innocente Seraphim Gothic Lolita convention, one of the items she purchased was a chibi-style portrait.)

But enough of the Lady of the Manners squeaking and clapping her hands over cartoons, Snarklings. Onward to reader mail!


question: Hello dear Lady!

I have a question concerning names.

I have a longstanding nickname I generally introduce myself by in social situations. Including the local alternative scene. I’ve had this nickname for a good 10 years now, from the time well before I even became a babybat, and I have never considered it a “scene name”

Now, my facebook and e-mail show my actual real-as-in-on-my-ID name and the fact that my nickname is not my “real” name has become apparent to people, I have heard talk that people call me a “Poser” and other rather unflattering things behind my back. Apparently, it is unheard of for a goth to have an actual honest-to-goodness nickname as opposed to something chosen to sound more mysterious and intriguing. (After all, to quote Voltaire “The number one rule in this game -Never call one by his real name”)

How do you propose I should proceed other than to ignore the gossips? I’d rather not have people feel in any way offended that the name they have called me by for a good long while is not my given name. It is simply the name I prefer to be known to my friends.

Eagerly awaiting your response,

Mistress Vampira, Enchantress of Ravens – again, according to Voltaire!

Oh dear. The Lady of the Manners wouldn’t go so far as to say that it is unheard of for a Goth to have a nickname as opposed to a “scene” name, but most of the Goths that she knows who go by something other than their given name are using their nickname as something to make them sound more … well, not mysterious and intriguing, but as a way to differentiate themselves from others in the Goth scene, or to establish a boundary between their social and work lives. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Goodness, there’s even nothing wrong with people picking a nom de plume with the express reason of making themselves sound more mysterious and intriguing. In fact, in some ways it’s a tradition of Goth culture. The Lady of the Manners suspects it sprang from the original Punk scene, when everyone was re-inventing themselves, names and all. (Siouxsie Sioux, anyone?) and the custom took an even stronger hold when Goth skulked onto the Internet; hardly anyone posted under their “real” name on such groups as alt.gothic and alt.gothic.fashion, and other online social networks encouraged the same sort of thing. So people shouldn’t be surprised when someone’s nickname isn’t their Real Name.

As for the people saying unflattering things behind your back because you have a nickname … the Lady of the Manners doesn’t want to indulge in sweeping generalizations, but feels she must point out that the actions of those people reflect more of their own insecurities than anything else. Because really, the Lady of the Manners can’t think of any reason to be offended by someone introducing themselves by their preferred name. So yes, ignore the gossips. In time, they’ll find something else to be all a-whisper about. If you’re worried about your friends thinking poorly of you … well, the Lady of the Manners favors the direct route. Ask them. Don’t make a Huge, Drama-Filled Production out of it, but just mention to a few friends that you’ve heard gossip of people being offended by you going by a nickname now that they can find your legal name on Facebook and such, and then ask if any of them are bothered by it. The Lady of the Manners is almost certain that your friends will not be in the slightest bit offended by your using a nickname, and will probably tell you you’re worrying about things too much.

—

With that, Snarklings, the Lady of the Manners is going to shuffle off to brew another pot of tea, and idly contemplate spiking it with ginger liqueur. The Lady of the Manners even knows what the next topic at Gothic Charm School will be – a young lady asking for advice on how to deal with the problem of her mother’s disapproval of the more elegant and vintage Goth style the young lady has now adopted over her previous rather “mall-Goth” incarnation. But just because the next Gothic Charm School lesson has been selected does not mean that the lady of the Manners isn’t looking forward to hearing from you. So please do write!

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Of Goths Of Color

Posted on August, 2009 by Lady of the Manners

Snarklings, remember back in early July, when the Lady of the Manners asked for your help in answering a reader question? No? Here, let the Lady of the Manners refresh your memory about what a Snarkling named Oni asked:

Dear Lady of the Manners,

I’m new to your site and would like to say that this is a very reliable source for the Gothic lifestyle and for the onlookers. You don’t choose sides and its nice and equal. Although I face one MAJOR problem in the lifestyle. I’m of African-American descent and have noticed that I cannot find good makeup tips and fashion for us goths of a darker shade, which makes me feel left out. Not only that but many other goths that I have encountered have tended to have a very “racist” attitude toward goths of a darker shade things like “Oh! I have never seen YOUR kind” or “I didn’t know there were black goths around”. There absolutely needs to be more diversity in the subculture and someone needs to break the mold in fashion.

At that time, the Lady of the Manners replied with:

Oni, you are absolutely right, there needs to be more diversity in the Goth subculture. The Lady of the Manners cannot stress that strongly enough, and is sad to read some of the attitudes and comments you’ve had to deal with.

However ”¦ the Lady of the Manners is a well-intentioned white girl, who wants to give helpful advice, but is operating from a position of cluelessness. Which is why, Snarklings, she is turning to you. Other Goths of color, please speak up!

Well, the time has come, Snarklings! The Lady of the Manners has read through all sorts of interesting mail from helpful Snarklings, and hopes that the following advice is what Oni (and other readers!) were looking for.

The Lady of the Manners is sad to hear tales of Goths of color being greeted with confusion, skepticism, and racism, and is extremely sad to hear that those reactions are coming from fellow Goths! She had hoped that people in the Goth subculture would be … oh, more open-minded, and less prone to generalizations. But the Goth subculture, just like every other community and subculture, is made up of people who carry with them the baggage from their overall culture. Communities that pride themselves on being open-minded sometimes have to confront issues members didn’t think were a problem.

So what should Goths confronting those sorts of generalizations do? Thankfully, the Gothic Charm School readers had some helpful suggestions:

  • This is about the person who is experiencing racism as a black Goth. I’ve got several friends who are goth and black. One of them has the best line ever. She tells people that she is so Goth that she born black. The first time I heard her say that, I was on the floor laughing for a good five minutes. It pretty much disarms everyone.
  • Oh, honey, I hear you. It can be … deflating to finally find a style that makes you comfortable, only to hear from certain misguided adherents that you can’t do that because of your skin. Ignore them, and remember that the best revenge on these types of people is to love yourself and your fabulousness regardless of their opinions! Most likely, they’re treating you differently because you make them feel insecure– you threaten this niche they’ve carved out for themselves, and so they lash out at you like others have lashed out at them. The only proper retort is to keep on loving yourself and your style 😀

    You say that someone needs to break the mold in fashion… well, what are you waiting for? ;D As with everything I’ve said so far: Be yourself, love yourself, and don’t let the labels get you down.

  • As for the Racist attitudes and comments. If they state something such as “I’ve never seen one of your kind.” Simply smile and tell them “Thank you.” Simply take it as a compliment, as them saying you’re unique.

The Lady of the Manners would also like to add that you should never, ever feel like you need to apologize because someone hasn’t met someone like you before. The Lady of the Manners realizes that Goths of color have to deal with even more hostility and skepticism from non-Goths, thanks to misconceptions about Goth in addition to the (often unconscious) privilege and prejudice that some people have lurking in their minds. You are not obligated to be someone’s Learning Experience. If you do feel up to the task of broadening someone’s worldview, by all means, do so! But don’t feel that you must, or that you must be friendly and outgoing toward people who have made clueless statements. Polite, yes, but that doesn’t always equal friendly. If someone says something like “I’ve never seen one of your kind”, there is nothing wrong with replying “Well now you have”, and going on with whatever you were doing.

Some links that the Lady of the Manners was sent with more discussion and information:

Goths of Color at Morbid Outlook

Goths of Color on afropunk.com

What if you’re not a Goth of color? Is there anything you can do? Why yes, as a matter of fact. Be aware that racism hasn’t gone away, and that it may pop up in places you wouldn’t expect. If it does, don’t ignore or dismiss what happened. If someone tells you that you’ve made a clueless or insensitive statement, don’t retreat behind a wall of defensiveness; instead, apologize for what you said, and try to understand why what you said was upsetting.
—

Now, on to Oni’s questions about Goth fashion and makeup tips!

From Kira:

In response to the conundrum of gothic cosmetics for the non- pallid:
I am a painter of canvas and faces. Until a recent shift in priorities, I was an “Avon Lady”. Over the years (as an admitted hobbyist) I have learned how to craft understated, “evening”, and “Wow!” looks for various people of various shades.

I have run across advice on gothic makeup for people of a darker skin tone- on how to make yourself look lighter than you are. My biggest piece of advice on the subject is Don’t. Do. That. It’s never convincing, often borders on the silly, and ignores the assets that you have. Whatever color you are, prize it. (I’m sure we’ve all seen women who never learned to match their skin tones, and stop applying foundation at their chins. Seriously, don’t emulate that.)

The main thing to strive for is dramatic contrast. If you can’t achieve that with black eyeliner and plum lipstick, more imagination is called for. (Although a person of color actually stands a chance in Hades of approaching the Egyptian statuary aesthetic so many try to emulate with eye makeup) Instead of black eyeliner, go for metallic ones in steely pewter, copper, silver, or even white. Also, green eye shadow really only does justice to those of dark complexion.

I’ve seen people approach the lipstick angle from both sides- either very light, unnatural shades like silver or blue, or very dark, from the plum and brown spectra the majority of us seem to favor only in the darkest shade available.

Silver jewelry can be a very true friend to those of dark skin tone, as can very bold colors, though unrelieved black can be worn by anybody.

The thing everyone should remember is that just because something is said to be gothic, if it doesn’t look good on you, don’t do it. From my own experience, if I wear deep red lipstick, I don’t look like a Victorian heroine or a vampire, I look like a clown. That’s just the wrong kind of spooky. We all go through a trial and error process.

In closing this novella, (my apologies to the Lady of the Manners for bending her ear with what almost amounts to a whole column) I must express my dismay at the fact that apparently there are still some places where the presence of a person of non-European descent merits astonishment.

The Lady of the Manners feels that the advice about using makeup to flatter and enhance your skin tone, not change its shade entirely, is very important for all Goths (and other cosmetic wearers)! Yes, many Goths think that to be truly Gother-Than-Thou, they need to spackle themselves with white makeup. And sometimes, that can be a fun theatrical look. But really? Everyone looks better if they don’t look like they’re wearing a mask of makeup that doesn’t match their skin tone.

Many people wrote to Gothic Charm School suggesting that Goths of color might want to explore super-saturated eye shadow in deep gemstone colors of amethyst, emerald, and dark blues, and sparkly metallics such as bronze or gold. Another reader had the comment One particular friend of mine from Sierra Leone is extremely dark-skinned, and has an affinity for luminous WHITE eye shadow. The effect is, quite simply, magical.

Another thing the Lady of the Manners wants to stress (and would hope that all Goths pay attention to) is that being a Goth doesn’t mean you have to wear makeup in a style approved by the non-existent Goth Cabal, or even wear any makeup at all! Yes, one of the more common visual signifiers of someone in the Goth subculture is dramatic or exaggerated makeup, but it’s not a requirement. Your gothiness is not determined by how thick your eyeliner is, Snarklings. If that were true, then the sales assistants at cosmetic counters across the land are the Real Goths, even when they try to convince people that coral lipstick and powder blue eye shadows are flattering.

(Did the sarcasm come across enough in that previous sentence, Snarklings? The Lady of the Manners certainly hopes so, because if she tries to cram any more sarcasm in there, she may sprain her snarking muscles.)

As the Lady of the Manners has mentioned before, the fashion industry loves to dabble with Goth-tinged looks during the cooler seasons. There are fashion and beauty bloggers of color; looking at their fall and winter archives might be a good place to find more advice on products and looks.

The Lady of the Manners hopes that this long-awaited edition of Gothic Charm School was helpful, and would like to thank all of the readers who took the time to send in their suggestions! And now, the Lady of the Manners is going to perhaps indulge in a bit of Internet window-shopping. Or maybe read some more mail from you Snarklings! What’s that? You haven’t written to Gothic Charm School? Well, maybe you should!

Posted in Being Fashionable, Being Mannerly, Serious Matters | Leave a comment

Of Maintaining Your Gothy Nature And Creativity In Spite Of Ill Health

Posted on August, 2009 by Lady of the Manners

Well Snarklings, the Gothic Charm School book tour is winding to a close. There is a signing at The Dreaming comic shop in Seattle at 4PM on Saturday August 15, and then … good heavens, the schedule is blank! That isn’t to say that the Lady of the Manners doesn’t want to go out and meet more of you charming people, not at all! No, it means that there isn’t anything scheduled. If you have an event that would like to bring the Lady of the Manners out as a guest, please feel free to contact Gothic Charm School!

—

Be sure to toddle over to the Lip Service Webzine to read about the Lady of the Manners attending a Gothic Lolita and Ball-Jointed Doll convention. (The very short version is that it was a marvelous time, more conventions should host tea parties, and the Lady of the Manners is planning on attending next year.)

Also, the Gothic Charm School Batty Heart necklace from Rocklove and the Gothic Charm School body butter from Starborn Alchemy are both available now!

—

Reader question time! A dear friend of the Lady of the Manners wrote in with a serious question, one that might apply to more Snarklings out there:

question: Hello Dear Lady!
It is with awe I watch you continue to take over the world!

I am taking the time to ask you for help.
What does a darkly clad (or insanely clad) one do to remain true to the whimsy when one is ill?

How do I continue to feel good about myself when it is hard some days to get dressed, let alone get an outfit together?

I am trying hard to reclaim my whimsy and magic, but some days glowing pink hair is not enough. I would LOVE to wear your new chocolate scented body butter with sparkles – I think it would feel magical to sparkle AND smell like a cupcake, but sadly I do not think my health would allow me to do so – the sandalwood is not something I can have.

So, if one is bed ridden, or mostly bed ridden – how could I add fun and pretty to myself? I ask, as I must not be the only one of your followers to be dealing with ill health. And sometimes it IS better to look good when you can’t feel good.

Any ideas would be much appreciated.

Maia Arts

The Lady of the Manners absolutely agrees with you with regards to the looking good when you can’t feel good. Sometimes the act of doing something to make yourself look good goes a long way toward making you feel better. But looking good is not always a magic wand that will take away poor health (or anything else that might make one feel unwell), so please do not place so much importance on looking good that it becomes a source of additional stress for you.

Also, as the Lady of the Manners has said before, there is no need to look exquisitely gothy all the time. There are many, many days when the Lady of the Manners does things around the house while wearing bloomers, a concert t-shirt, and no makeup. (Of course, if the Lady of the Manners leaves the house, that’s a different story, but that’s because she really likes getting dressed up. It’s not a requirement.) Just because someone isn’t sporting full makeup and sumptuous dark finery doesn’t mean that they are any less Goth (or whimsical). It just means that other things are more important to them on that particular day.

But what can you do when you’re bed-ridden or otherwise unable to fully express yourself the way you want? Firstly, see if you can make your surroundings more in keeping with yourself. Art on the walls, nice pillows, books and music you love, luxurious blankets and throws, perhaps even lush shawls and gloves as soft, practical, yet attractive accessories? Low-effort beautiful things for the body as well as your surroundings; whatever it might be that makes you happiest. If reclaiming your space is beyond your means (physically or financially), see if your friends and family would be willing to help. The Lady of the Manners doesn’t mean asking your loved ones to go out and buy you things; instead, see if they have items they think would make you happy that they’re willing to loan you. Also ask about them coming over and being your muscle to move things around and put things on walls.

Another thing is to indulge in whatever sort of prettifying you feel up to. Days that you feel wretched and not up to leaving the house are sometimes the ideal sort of days to get all experimental with your makeup and see what sort of interesting looks you can come up with.

Do whatever sort of creative thing you can to remind yourself that there’s more to your life than being unwell. The Lady of the Manners knows that Maia Arts is a prolific artist on Polyvore (her sets can be found here), and there are other creative projects and hobbies out there that don’t require people to be in the peak of health.

The very important thing is to not let your illness define everything about you. The Lady of the Manners knows that’s incredibly difficult, and that some days will be better than others. But try not to let the bad days cast a pall over the good days you do have.

—

With that, Snarklings, the Lady of the Manners is going to continue the massive compilation job to get the Advice For Goths Of Color post finished (she’s hoping to post it next week!). As always, feel free to write to Gothic Charm School!

Posted in Clicky-links, Events, Serious Matters, Stuff & Oddments | Leave a comment

Of Interviews, Of Upcoming Events, And Of Tightening Parental Restrictions

Posted on August, 2009 by Lady of the Manners

Snarklings! There are so many exciting things still going on at Gothic Charm School! Such as the lovely new merchandise that the Lady of the Manners wrote about last week: the Gothic Charm School Batty Heart necklace from Rocklove Jewelry, and the Gothic Charm School Body Butter from Starborn Alchemy! Go forth and investigate those clicky-links for more information and to purchase the items.

Of course, there’s also the Gothic Charm School Book Tour Diary over at the Lip Service Webzine, where you can read all about the wacky hijinks that happen when the Lady of the Manners and her dear husband do a lot of traveling.

Speaking of the book tour, the next place the Lady of the Manners will be at is at the Innocente Seraphim Gothic Lolita and Ball-Jointed Doll convention in Bellevue, WA! The Gothic Charm School panel is at noon on August 8th. Innocente Seraphim describes the panel thusly: “Jillian Venters, aka “The Lady of the Manners,” answers questions about decorum and etiquette for Goths and the Non-Goths in their lives. I was in attendance at her book signing when a person asked if Lolita Fashion was a Goth spin-off. Jillian’s witty and thoughtful answer showed she knew Lolita Fashion and the EGL community and the similar problems both our communities share.” The Lady of the Manners is quite looking forward to spending the weekend surrounded by people in frilly dresses, and is hoping that her willpower is strong enough to keep her from succumbing to the lure of the ball-jointed doll hobby.

In addition, there is an interview with the Lady of the Manners in the Seattle Times, an upcoming Blog Talk interview with Glass of Win on August 12th, and a signing at The Dreaming Comics in Seattle on August 15th! So yes, things are still busy around Gothic Charm School headquarters, to say the least!

—

Now, onto a question from a reader! gothic goldie wrote in with the following concern:


question: lady of the manners,

it seems as if i have quite a terrible situation at hand. my mother has recently been putting more and more restrictions on my gothic lifestyle. ever since i have become gothic (3 years ago), my mother has been slowly limiting me. at first she didnt limit me at all, i was more into the vampiric and victorian and such. then she decided i wasnt allowed to wear any collers or cuffs, then the black hair dye had to go and eventually shes saying no makeup. i fear that some time soon she will decide enough is enough and say “NO BLACK”. currently i look like a gothic goldie locks thats trying far too hard to look nonconforming for i havent a clue to dress within my mothers limitations or convince her to lighten her rules. please assist me in dressing withing her limits or changing her mind.

Firstly, gothic goldie, let the Lady of the Manners reassure you that being a Goth does not mean you have to dye your hair black or any other color, or even wear makeup. True, it is easier to proclaim your devotion to our dark and spooky world through elaborate makeup and unnaturally colored hair, but such signifiers are not required to be a Goth.

By “no makeup”, does your mother mean no makeup at all, or does she mean no overly Goth makeup? If you’re not sure, spend some time applying makeup in a very subdued manner; just some translucent powder, a thin line of black eyeliner, mascara, and a sheer but deeply-colored lip stain. Then ask your mother what she thinks of that style of makeup. You may be in for a pleasant surprise!

You say that you were more into the “vampiric and victorian”. Do you mean you favored a more antique style to your clothing? Because that’s what the Lady of the Manners pictured when she read that. But upon reading that you weren’t allowed to wear any collars or cuffs, she realized that perhaps she was thinking ruffled chokers and lace-festooned cuffs, while you meant more of the leather and o-ring type of collar and cuff accessories. The Lady of the Manners is going to make a guess and assume that you are in your teen years? If the Lady of the Manners is correct, then your mother’s objections to some of your Goth accessories might be more … understandable, at least.

Snarklings who have read Gothic Charm School before might be able to guess what advice the Lady of the Manners is going to give you next, gothic goldie. What you really need to do is sit down with your mother and have a conversation with her about what, exactly, are her objections to your appearance. If she says something like “I just don’t like it”, ask her why she doesn’t, ask her for specific reasons. But! Before you have this conversation with her, there are two things you need to do. One, find examples of Goth looks and styles that you like that you can show her, so she is aware of how varied the Goth spectrum really is. Two, make sure that you will be able to keep your temper. Yes, it will be difficult, especially when talking to your mother about something that is so important to you that she seems to have turned against. But by trying to discuss the topic without resorting to outbursts such as “But you don’t understand!”, you will show your mother that you are serious about wanting to express yourself in a manner that is pleasing to you.

(However, the Lady of the Manners wants to make it clear that if you aren’t able to keep your temper, if your emotions get the better of you, there is nothing wrong with that. Heaven knows the Lady of the Manners is not the Queen of Logic when it comes to discussing things that are important to her …)

Anyway, yes, talk to your mother about her concerns over your style. See if you can reassure her, and see if the two of you can reach some compromises about things. And please do write back to the Lady of the Manners to let her know if you took her advice and if it helped!

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With that, Snarklings, the Lady of the Manners is going to go back to sorting through all of the helpful advice people have sent in for Goths of color, and perhaps take a break to start planning her outfits for the Innocente Seraphim convention. As always, be sure to check out the clicky-links for all of the merchandise, and feel free to write!

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Portland! New Gothic Charm School Merchandise! And When Not To Explain That You’re Not Wearing A Costume.

Posted on July, 2009 by Lady of the Manners

Forgive the Lady of the Manners if this post seems a little scattered, Snarklings. The trip to San Diego Comic-Con was amazing, but just the teensiest bit overwhelming. But oh yes, the Lady of the Manners wants to go back next year. Be sure to scamper over to the Lip Service Webzine to read the book tour diary installment about all the hijinks!

Thank you to all of you Snarklings who came to the Gothic Charm School autograph session or who recognized the Lady of the Manners in the Exhibit Hall and said hi! Meeting the people who read Gothic Charm School has been the best thing about the book tour. The Lady of the Manners wishes that she were able to visit more cities and meet more of you, but alas, a book tour budget only stretches so far.

Speaking of the book tour: the next stop for Gothic Charm School is Powell’s Books in Portland, OR, on Thursday, July 30th at 7:30 PM! Yes, the Lady of the Manners is going to brave the sweltering temperatures Portland has been experiencing (though Seattle hasn’t been much better), and visit one of her favorite bookstores.

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More exciting news! Thanks to two very talented artists, there are amazing new Gothic Charm School products available. In alphabetical order:

The Gothic Charm School Batty Heart necklace from Rocklove Jewelry! A sterling silver pendant that will add a note of Gothic Charm School whimsy and elegance to any outfit. $40.

Gothic Charm School Body Butter from Starborn Alchemy! It smells like chocolate cupcakes (of course), and is available with or without pink sparkles. (The Lady of the Manners adores the pink sparkly version, but understands that there are Snarklings who may not be as fond of pink or shimmer as she is.) $7 for 1 oz.

Follow the handy clicky-links to visit the stores of Rocklove and Starborn Alchemy to purchase the items!

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The Lady of the Manners is still collecting all of the helpful advice and suggestions that readers have been sending in for Goths of color, and hopes to have that particular installment of Gothic Charm School posted after the trip to Portland. (Yes, the Lady of the Manners would like to post it sooner, but wants to be able to dedicate the proper amount of attention to this very important subject.)

So for this Gothic Charm School post, the Lady of the Manners is going to expand upon something she mentions in the Lip Service Webzine:

“A note for Goths, Punks, and other eccentrically-dressed subculture types: At an event like San Diego Comic-Con, if you’re not wearing “normal” casual clothing, people are going to assume you’re in some sort of costume. Just let it go.”

You see, Snarklings, there are events (such as San Diego Comic-Con), where if you’re not wearing jeans and a t-shirt, everyone is going to assume you are Dressed Up As A Character. Now, the Lady of the Manners understands how vexing that can be, really she does! She spent the entire weekend at San Diego Comic-Con smiling at people who would compliment her on her “wonderful costume”. (Apparently if you are wearing a top hat and carrying a fanged stuffed bunny, you are dressed as the Mad Hatter with the March Hare. The Lady of the Manners and Clovis the Devilbunny were quite amused by this assumption.) But the Lady of the Manners knew that trying to explain to the random convention attendee that no, really, she looked like this all the time just wasn’t worth the time or effort. Because at a big, chaotic event like a convention, the people complimenting you on your “costume” are giving you a slightly mistaken but genuine compliment in an Exhibit Hall where hundreds of people are in elaborate, and sometimes not instantly recognizable, costumes. The time and effort people put into their costumes for events such as San Diego Comic-Con is amazing and well-worthy of praise, so to receive compliments on one’s “everyday” wear in such an environment is very flattering.

However, recognizing that the explanation of not being in costume may not be worth the effort at an event like San Diego Comic-Con is very different than giving up all notions of personal space. Just because you are wandering around a large event does not mean that you have to put up with strangers touching you. Being dressed up at that sort of event does not mean that you are public property, and that people should feel free to start grabbing at you or your clothing. The Lady of the Manners had to take a few steps back and say “Please don’t touch me” a few different times during her roaming around San Diego Comic-Con. Don’t be afraid to say this, and don’t be afraid to remove people’s hands from your person. As much as the Lady of the Manners would like to assume that people would know not to start grabbing at complete strangers, something about large events such as San Diego Comic-Con seems to drive those sorts of basic rules right out of people’s minds.

With that reminder, the Lady of the Manners is going to go start planning her packing list for the sweltering heat of Portland, Oregon, and perhaps have a bowl of ice cream. As always, Snarklings, feel free to write to Gothic Charm School!

Posted in Amusements, Being Fashionable, Being Mannerly, Clicky-links, Events | Leave a comment

Of San Diego Comic-Con, Portland, And A Reader Suffering School Torments.

Posted on July, 2009 by Lady of the Manners

The NYC stop of the Gothic Charm School tour was oodles of fun, Snarklings! (If a bit humid.) The reading at The Mysterious Bookshop was lovely, and the Lady of the Manners was delighted to meet all of you who turned up there. The picnic at the Green-Wood Cemetery was everything the Lady of the Manners had hoped for and more! Goregously-dressed creatures, a historic cemetery, and weather that turned out to be pleasant instead of sweltering and sticky like the day before. Pictures from the events can be found over at the Gothic Charm School Flickr Group! What’s that, you say? You didn’t didn’t know there was a Gothic Charm School Flickr group? Well there is, and not only should you go browse through it, but if you have photos from any of the Gothic Charm School events, please add them! For more burbling about the NYC trip, trundle over to the Lip Service Webzine and check out the Lady of the Manners’ tour diary.

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Where is The Lady of the Manners headed to next? Why, San Diego Comic-Con! She has been assured that the HarperCollins booth will have copies of Gothic Charm School: An Essential Guide For Goths And Those Who Love Them for sale, so if you haven’t yet picked up a copy and you’ll be at SDCC, now’s your chance. Especially since the Lady of the Manners and her husband (you know, he did all the art for the book and the site) will be doing a signing on Friday, July 24th from 3:00 ”“ 4:00 PM in the Comic-Con autograph area, at table AA6. If you show up, you’ll get a sneak-peak at the Gothic Charm School Batty Heart pendant, coming soon from Rocklove Designs! Other than that, the Lady of the Manners will be roaming around the convention, probably posting random updates to Twitter (username CupcakeGoth). If you happen to see her, please come over and introduce yourself!

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After that, Gothic Charm School heads to Portland, Oregon, for a stop at Powell’s Books on Thursday, July 30th at 7:30 PM. (Powell’s is one of the Lady of the Manners’ favorite places on earth, so she’s quite excited to have been invited there!)

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The Lady of the Manners is still collecting suggestions and advice for Goths of Color, which she asked for in the previous post. The Gothic Charm School mailbox has seen a steady stream of helpful letters from readers, but please, do keep sending advice! The Lady of the Manners is hoping to assemble all of your replies into one post in the next few weeks.

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In this post, the Lady of the Manners is going to focus on a letter from one of her younger readers, dealing with the dual problems of being picked on at school and dealing with a copycat:

dear gothic charm school, in my school im one of the only goths, their are two “goths” to be exact. and i have a few problems. one being that even though ive been at my school for a whole year everyone stares and gossips and points and laughs at me. i mostly ignore it but i cant help but listen to them some times and i just don’t know what to do about it. it bothers me and makes me feel like such an outcast in my own environment .and one kid had enough guts to draw a picture of our school and over the whole picture he wrote no goths allowed and showed it on the morning announcements! what should i do? Ignore them or say something? also the other problem is the other “goth” copies me at everything! i color my hair pink, she colors it pink too. i get a hello kitty backpack, she gets one too. i got this skelanimals necklace and got a few comments on it(amazing!) she gets the same exact one! what should i do?
sincerely,
mikomi….
p.s. i really need help its getting bad.

Oh dear, you poor Snarkling! What you should do about your classmates picking on you depends on how comfortable you feel about talking to the adults in your life about it. Do your parents know what sort of nonsense you’re facing at school? If they do, are they willing to go with you to talk to your teachers about the situation? Because a classmate drawing a picture of the school with no goths allowed and showing it on the morning announcements seems to be over the line of “just teasing” and headed toward harassment. Your school should not turn a blind eye to such things “just” because you are different from the other students. You (and your parents) should meet with your teacher (or the school counselor or principal), and very pointedly ask them how the school would react to a similar piece of art aimed at another student,who wasn’t a Goth? As the Lady of the Manners has said before, most schools nowadays have “anti-bullying” policies in place; check and see if yours does, and what steps you can take.

Of course, this tactic depends on you being, well, willing to speak up for yourself and to show your classmates that you’re not willing to put up with such treatment. The Lady of the Manners isn’t suggesting that you confront the people tormenting you every single time someone points and whispers, but you should make it clear that you are aware of what they’re doing and that you don’t approve. (You can make your disapproval clear through icy silences and glares, Snarkling. Don’t feel that you need to go get into insult-slinging matches with them.)

If that seems like too much confrontation for your tastes, then, dear mikomi, you may just need to ignore them. Grit your teeth, keep your head down, and get through the rest of your school years with as little interaction with your classmates as possible. The Lady of the Manners will be completely honest here, and say that she thinks that this path is not the one to follow because it is, in effect, letting the bullies win. She thinks it would be far better for you to stand up for yourself and be who you want to be even in the face of taunts and laughter. The Lady of the Manners knows it’s a daunting prospect but, trust her on this, your future self will thank you for being assertive now.

As to the other Goth at school who is copying you? Don’t accuse her of copying you, because even if she is, there’s no good way to prove it and she would probably deny it. Instead, the next time you notice her mimicking your style, go compliment her on what she’s copying. “Oh, you dyed your hair pink! What color did you use? I like (particular brand of dye)”. Or “Oooh, is that a Skelanimals necklace? I got one a couple weeks ago! Aren’t they cute?”

What you want to do is subtly point out to her that you are aware of her copying your style, but make it clear that you’re not going to tease her about it. Maybe, just maybe, she’s not aware that she’s drawing her fashion inspirations directly from you. Or maybe she’ll feel a bit uncomfortable that you’ve noticed her mimicry, and that will prompt her to start searching for fashion statements that are more her own thing. Or perhaps the two of you will end up being friends, and you can band together against the other classmates who are picking on you. (Don’t give the Lady of the Manners that look, it could happen.)

The Lady of the Manners hopes that school becomes less of a trial for you. Try to remember that while it seems intolerable and never-ending now, your school years eventually do end, and things will get better.

—

With that, Snarklings, the Lady of the Manners is going to go stare at her closets and try to come up with a packing list for San Diego Comic-Con. She hopes to see some of you there! But do remember, you can always write to Gothic Charm School!

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Of New York, Lip Service, And Answering Reader Questions!

Posted on July, 2009 by Lady of the Manners

Busy times, Snarklings! Busy busy times! So the Lady of the Manners is going to give you several updates in a bullet-point style, and then yes indeed, answer some questions from readers! And finish up with a reader question that she intends to address more fully, but needs your help to do so.

  • First things first: New York this weekend! The Lady of the Manners is doing a reading and signing at The Mysterious Bookshop at 6:30 P.M. on July 17th. The following day, from 1 – 4 P.M. is the Gothic Charm School picnic at the historic Green-Wood Cemetery! The event is located near the Gothic Chapel (ooh!) and Valley Water Lake.

    (An aside, but very important one. Yes, the picnic at Green-Wood Cemetery is being done with Green-Wood’s full support, and they’re just as excited as the Lady of the Manners is. For those who are worried about a picnic in a cemetery being disrespectful to those who are at rest there, the Lady of the Manners would like to gently remind them that not only were cemeteries the first sorts of park spaces open to the general public, not only is there a long and beautiful history of all sorts of people flocking to cemeteries for picnics, strolls, and weddings (which continues to this day across different cultures), but that one of the core ideas of the Goth world is finding beauty and joy in unexpected, possibly dark places. As one of the Lady of the Manners’ friends said when discussing this issue, ” Why should our places of remembrance and memorial be somber, shut-away places that we only go to for sorrow? They should be about celebrating life as much as remembering the dead.” The Lady of the Manners couldn’t agree more.)

  • Oooh, the US Amazon.com site now has the “Look Inside” feature running, so you can virtually browse through the Gothic Charm School book, or click “Surprise Me!” to view a random page. Also, the UK and Canada Amazon.com sites now list the book as in stock, rather than the 2 to 3 week delivery time that was listed previously.

  • Snarklings, this bit of news has had the Lady of the Manners bouncing around Gothic Charm School headquarters in a ridiculous amount of glee: the Lady of the Manners is going to be joining the ranks of bloggers at the Lip Service webzine! Yes, the Lady of the Manners will be writing a “tour diary” for the upcoming New York, San Diego Comic Con, and Portland stops of the Gothic Charm School book tour, and then will be writing about life as a Goth. (The Lady of the Manners will probably not be sticking quite so closely to her usual third-person affectations over at Lip Service, so don’t be surprised when she says “I”.) There will be updates every Wednesday, beginning today, July 15th, so be sure to scamper over there and check it out!

And now, Snarklings, on to some reader questions!

I am enjoying your videos, and learning a lot in the process. I want to know about
the music you play in the beginning though. I love it. Who is it? What genre is it?
Where can I find more?

Thanks so much and keep up the good work!

Laurel (one of those who love Goths and know very little about them)

Oh, thank you for the compliment, Laurel! The music used on the Gothic Charm School videos was created especially for the videos, by Celadon. While the Lady of the Manners would be thrilled to bits if her friend behind Celadon created more music like that, she wants him to follow wherever his musical muse leads him.

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etheral jen wrote in to ask:


My whole life i have loved the style of goths. Right now i am considered emo but would love to make sure people understand that i love the beauty of black and i am not depressed. My question is simply how to make the change from emo to goth for my true heart is with goth.

Hmm. Well, the obvious starting point is to incorporate more stylistic signifiers of the Goth subculture, and abandon some of the more emo styles. The Lady of the Manners is aware that there is a cross-over between the punkier Goth styles and emo, but she suggests that you look for items that are more elegant and well-made. (The Lady of the Manners had a very long paragraph here going into raptures over long lace and velvet skirts, well-fitting blazers, ruffled blouses, and elegant skull jewelry, but realized that there is a difference between offering suggestions and trying to make everyone dress in her preferred style.)

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Troopercat asks:

Dear Lady of Manners,
I have a couple of problems and was wondering if you could help. I love Victorian and Lolita clothing, and am working with a very small budget. Do you have any advice about sewing or know of anyplace on the Internet that might help? Also, I live in Tennessee, in a VERY small town. We have a thrift shop, but it is very small and I can’t find anything in it that I might alter. Do you know any other stores where I can find things for my wardrobe? Any advice would be appreciated.

Sincerely,
Troopercat

Advice on sewing? Have you checked your local fabric store, community college, or town community center to see if any of them are offering classes on learning to sew? Taking a class when you are a beginner is extremely helpful, and well-worth the class fees.

Other stores to find things for your wardrobe? Everywhere, you silly Snarkling. Well, first you should gleefully study movies, photo shoots, and books that have pictures of clothing you admire, so you can learn to recognize what sort of shapes and styles make your heart sing. Then start browsing everywhere. While the Lady of the Manners accumulates a lot of her wardrobe from thrift stores (and then performs many alterations), she is equally as happy searching through mainstream stores at malls. Explore places like Dillards, Macy’s, Target, and other mainstream “basics” stores, and always be thinking “What twist can I put on this to personalize it and more in keeping with my personal style?”

Try to keep an eye on what the current fashion trends are; that way, when the fashion industry has one of its recurring moments of fascination with Goth and Victoriana, you will know and be ready to scour the clearance racks in the future.

If all of that sounds like to much effort (and the Lady of the Manners wouldn’t blame you for thinking so; after all, while she views her wardrobe as a hobby, she understands that not everyone else wants to spend the same amount of time on such things), then here is a short list of shops the Lady of the Manners is fond of. Yes, the prices of these stores are not always bargain-basement steals, but if you want a closet full of gothy finery, you will need to spend either time or money.

Retroscope Fashions

Lip Service

Clockwork Couture

Also, be sure to browse Etsy and Ebay for interesting goodies!

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And now, Snarklings, on to the reader question that the Lady of the Manners would very much like to answer. Unfortunately, she recognizes her extreme ignorance on this topic. Oni wrote the following letter:

Dear Lady of the Manners,

I’m new to your site and would like to say that this is a very reliable source for the Gothic lifestyle and for the onlookers. You don’t choose sides and its nice and equal. Although I face one MAJOR problem in the lifestyle. I’m of African-American descent and have noticed that I cannot find good makeup tips and fashion for us
goths of a darker shade, which makes me feel left out. Not only that but many other goths that I have encountered have tended to have a very “racist” attitude toward goths of a darker shade things like “Oh! I have never seen YOUR kind” or “I didn’t know there were black goths around”. There absolutely needs to be more diversity in the subculture and someone needs to break the mold in fashion.

Oni, you are absolutely right, there needs to be more diversity in the Goth subculture. The Lady of the Manners cannot stress that strongly enough, and is sad to read some of the attitudes and comments you’ve had to deal with.

However … the Lady of the Manners is a well-intentioned white girl, who wants to give helpful advice, but is operating from a position of cluelessness. Which is why, Snarklings, she is turning to you. Other Goths of color, please speak up! Please send any advice or suggestions (and they don’t have to be exclusively about fashion, you know) to Gothic Charm School. The Lady of the Manners will compile and post them.

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With that, Snarklings, the Lady of the Manners is going to get back to the flurry of preparations she needs to be doing to get ready for going to New York! And as always, feel free to write!

Posted in Being Fashionable, Clicky-links, Events, News | Leave a comment

Of NYC And San Diego ComicCon!

Posted on July, 2009 by Lady of the Manners

Goodness, Snarklings! The California stops for the Gothic Charm School book tour were all sorts of fun, and it was lovely to meet all of you who were there. But where oh where is the Lady of the Manners going to be next? New York! And San Diego ComicCon!

Friday, July 17th, 2009 6:30PM
Gothic Charm School reading, Q&A, and signing!
MYSTERIOUS BOOKSHOP
58 Warren Street,
New York, NY, 10007

And don’t forget the tea party on Saturday the 18th!

The week after that, the Lady of the Manners will be attending San Diego ComicCon, and will be doing a signing on Friday, July 24th from 3:00 ”“ 4:00 PM at ComicCon signing table AA6.

(Other than that, the Lady of the Manners will just be wandering around the convention, so keep an eye out for her!)

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Of Events, And Of Finding The Gothic Charm School Book In The Wild!

Posted on June, 2009 by Lady of the Manners

Snarklings! The Lady of the Manners is incredibly giddy with how well the release party for the Gothic Charm School book went! Swarms of you turned up at the University Village Barnes & Noble in Seattle, and made the Lady of the Manners feel very loved indeed. Thank you.

Speaking of events: remember there are Gothic Charm School reading & signing events in San Francisco/Burlingame, Los Angeles, and Bellevue this weekend! Come meet the Lady of the Manners and Pete Venters, the book’s illustrator!

San Francisco/Burlingame:
Friday, June 26, 2009 7:00PM
BOOKS, INC.
1375 Burlingame Ave.
Burlingame, CA 94010

Los Angeles:
Saturday, June 27, 2009 7:00PM
BOOK SOUP
8818 Sunset Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90069

Bellevue:
Monday, June 29, 2009 7:00PM
Hosted by University Book Store at
BELLEVUE REGIONAL LIBRARY
1111 110th Avenue NE
Bellevue, WA 98004

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Oooh, and the Lady of the Manners has a favor to ask of all of you Snarklings (and non-Snarklings, since she understands that not everyone may want to adopt that label). Please go into your local bookstores and look to see if you can find the Gothic Charm School: An Essential Guide For Goths And Those Who Love Them book! If you do find it and want to, oh, snap a photo and send it to the headmistress@gothic-charm-school.com email address, that would be lovely. The best photo sent of the Gothic Charm School book out in the wild will win a prize of a signed print of artwork from the book!

If, for whatever reason, your local book store does not carry the book, please ask one of the staff about it. The Lady of the Manners, while not usually one for asking people to do things like this, has had it vigorously explained to her that one’s First Ever Book is, well, a once-in-a-lifetime event, and that promotion is good.

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Finally, the Lady of the Manners swears on her parasol collection that she will very soon indeed get back to, oh, answering the questions that Snarklings have been sending in to Gothic Charm School. She hopes within the week, but the demands of the Ravening Schedule Monster may make that a bit difficult. But soon, Snarklings, soon!

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