Of Being Compared To Pop Stars, And Of Finding Plus-Size Goth Fashion

Posted on September, 2012 by Lady of the Manners

Hello oh patient Snarklings! Yes, it’s time for another Gothic Charm School post with reader questions! This time there are two fashion-related questions: where to find plus-sized Goth clothes, and what to do when well-meaning family members have no real frame of reference for your personal style.


question: Dear Lady of the Manners,
I would like your opinion on a certain problem I have. I get to see my extended family maybe once or twice a year [around Christmas and sometimes for other events] and while I love them dearly there’s something both sides do that I would love for them to stop…One side likes to call me Katy Perry and the other Lady Gaga. Now I understand why they’d compare me to these two as I have a more out there style and I do like both of these musicians but…I can’t stand being compared to them. When I look at pictures of their outfits they seem very revealing and colorful, which isn’t really my style at all. I feel like I’m being compared to them purely because they’re known for their over the top clothing. I want to tell them I dislike being compared to them but I can’t think of a way that doesn’t sound rude. I’d like to ask them to stop and maybe tell them the names of some of my fashion idols so they’d have a better understanding of my style but I’m drawing a blank on it. I’d really appreciate it if you could give me some advice on this matter.
Sincerely,
Alice

P.S. In case you’re curious, my fashion idols are Emilie Autumn, Mana-sama from Moi dix Mois, Kanon Wakeshima, Kanon from An Cafe, and [of course] the Lady of the Manners.

Firstly, the Lady of the Manners wants to say thank you for listing her as one of your fashion idols, and alongside such distinctive and elegant company, too!

On to your question: the age-old problem of being compared to whomever the current Very Visible Eccentric Style person is almost a Goth rite of passage. Yes, it can be frustrating to have well-meaning people look at you, nod knowingly, and say “Oh yes, just like that [insert name of some pop star here]”. The Lady of the Manners has, over the years, had people tell her that she’s “just like that one Goth girl, on NCIS?”, or “those cute weird people with the pink hair from Amazing Race!”. It’s very similar to the people who apparently feel compelled to say things like “Your hair is purple” or “You have a lot of tattoos” to the person with the purple hair or tattoos. The Lady of the Manners suspects that the people who make those sorts of comments aren’t actually dim or clueless, it’s just that when they see someone dressed extravagantly, their minds freeze up, and then flounder for a connection so they can say something to help their brains process what they’re seeing. They’re stating the obvious for their own comfort and peace of mind, not to try and hold a conversation.

Of course, none of that really helps you deal with your extended relations and their comparing you to Katy Perry or Lady Gaga! The next time that happens, try smiling at whichever family member made the comment and say (in as a gently-humorous tone as you can manage), “Oh no, I don’t look anything like them! I’m dressed far too modestly!” If you think it will help, practice saying this in a light-hearted, friendly tone until you are certain you will respond to ridiculous comparisons with this tone, and not some sort of exasperated growl.

Then yes, do follow that sort of statement with telling them who some of your stylistic idols are, and don’t be surprised if they have no idea who you’re talking about. Who knows, maybe your relative will ask you to tell them all about Mana-sama or Emilie Autumn!

If your family sticks with their well-intentioned-but-clueless commentary (and the Lady of the Manners suspects they will, because many relatives like to take “funny” statements and repeat them every chance they get), just grit your teeth, smile, and reply with, “Ha ha ha. No”. Don’t get mad, don’t start an argument, just make it clear you’re humoring, not agreeing with them.

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Next, Mery asked for help with finding plus-sized Goth fashion:

question: Lady Of The Manners,
First of all, I love your site I’m on it pretty much everyday:) BUT!!!! I need your help!!! And it is about fashion and what not (sorry if those are getting annoying but id love to hear what way you can help) soo… i love fashion and all things goth i cant get enough of it but.. i am a bit bigger, which i think is so much harder for girls, soo it is hard to find stuff and im really insecure which makes it even worse. i cant buy things off the internet and it is so very hard to find something in my size i would actually like to wear and feel good in and is of my taste, and something that i dont look disgusting in…I’ve read many of your letters and responses and i know how you talk about thrift stores and all those other stuff but as i said its harder to find things in a bigger size and i always end up in tears going shopping:”( It would be so amazing if i get a response to this letter!! and i very much hope i do. Thank you for taking the time to read this i absolutely adore you lady of the manners! And i’m sorry for lack of punctuation and sucky grammar…

Ending up in tears when you’re clothes shopping? Oh, you poor love, the Lady of the Manners knows how you feel, and has also had far too many friends suffer the same sort of plight.

Firstly, the Lady of the Manners wants to point you at a LiveJournal community: Fatshionista! This is a wonderful community and resource for finding larger-sized fashions, full of recommendations, reviews, and Outfit of the Day posts from community members. Keep in mind that Fatshionista is not a Goth or alternative fashion community, but there’s a lot of good information there.

You said that you can’t buy things online. The Lady of the Manners is going to be honest with you: that’s going to limit your options for finding interesting clothes. So hit the mainstream stores (especially during the autumn and winter seasons) and look for some basic black blazers, skirts, and blouses, and then load on the accessories.
Check stores like Torrid (who used to be far more alternative-fashion focused, alas), Lane Bryant, Target, Macy’s, JC Penny’s, and Sears, who all carry larger sizes.

What to do once you’ve got those basic garments? Change the buttons, add lace trim, decorate lapels with a collection of gothy pins and brooches, wear a tangle of necklaces, or drape layers of lace scarves around your neck and your hips. Accessorize with lace or interestingly-colored tights or socks, which can be found at Torrid, Lane Bryant, Nordstrom, and Macy’s.

Secondly, learn to sew. Check your local fabric stores and see if they offer sewing classes; some cities have craft stores where you can “rent” time on a sewing machine. (Which the Lady of the Manners thinks is very clever, because not everyone can or wants to own a sewing machine, but having access to one can be incredibly useful.) Take a look at sewing blogs: Tilly and the Buttons has an archive of great posts for people who want to learn how to sew, and the ever-helpful Instructables site has all sorts of tutorials. Just be warned: while sewing your own clothing allows you to control the fit and the fabric choices, it’s not an inexpensive option. In addition to the cost of the supplies, there’s also the cost of the time and effort you put into a piece. While being able to say, “Oh, I made this skirt” is a wonderful feeling, it sometimes doesn’t counterbalance the frustration you went through during the hours you spent sewing it.

The rest of the answers aren’t directly aimed at Mery and her question, because she said that she can’t buy things off the internet. But for you other Snarklings who are looking for larger-sized Goth fashion, some other suggestions:

If you have the budget for it, get some custom-made items. For example, the fabulously-talented Kambriel has always offered custom-sizing for the garments she creates, as does Somnia Romantica on Etsy. Most independant designers should offer custom-size options, and if you don’t see mention of it on their store/website, be sure to ask them about it.

If your budget won’t stretch to custom-made pretties, don’t fret! Retroscope Fashions offers plus-sized options for Victorian-inspired tops and bottoms. (If any of you place an order with the nice folks at Retroscope Fashions, please tell them that Gothic Charm School sent you!)

ChicStar has a fabulous selection of skirts, tops, dresses, and jackets, and offers up to size 28. Yes, they’re located in China, but the Lady of the Manners has been very impressed with not only the quality of the items she’s ordered, but with the speed of delivery, too! (One week from placing an order to it arriving on the doorstep.)

You can get plus-sized stripey tights in 51 different colors from We Love Colors, and Sock Dreams offers sizing and fit information on almost every style of socks, stockings, and tights they sell!

Finally, the Lady of the Manners is going to throw open the comments on this post and see what suggestions the Gothic Charm School readers have for finding larger-sized Goth clothing! (The comments will be, as always, moderated. No bullying, hate speech, or spam will be tolerated.)

—

With that, Snarklings, the Lady of the Manners is going to go have a cup of tea and attempt to reorganize her wardrobe. If she’s not devoured by feral petticoats, then she’ll finally finish the Tonner doll reviews and writing about some more vampire books for the Nocturnal House side of Gothic Charm School. And as always, going through the letters people send in ”¦

Posted in Being Fashionable, General, Growing Pains | 38 Comments

Fight Like A Girl – The Review!

Posted on August, 2012 by Lady of the Manners

Now, you didn’t think the Lady of the Manners would talk about flouncing happily around while listening to the Fight Like A Girl album without telling you all about it, did you, Snarkings? Perish the thought.

First things first: FLAG (as Fight Like A Girl is referred to), is a very fun, clever album. It is the soundtrack to Emilie’s book, The Asylum For Wayward Victorian Girls, and if the listener doesn’t have at least a passing familiarity with that book, FLAG may be a smidge confusing. In many ways, Emilie Autumn’s Opehliac release was more approachable for people not familiar with her work: its “Victorian-industrial” songs about struggling with madness, emotional turmoil, feminism, and classical poetry are catchy and stompy while retaining a sense of being covered in tattered, antique lace. (Or, as Emilie Autumn described her music: “like the best cup of English Breakfast spiked with cyanide and smashed on your antique wallpaper.”)

The songs on FLAG are also all of those things (especially the air of being covered in tattered antique lace), but they were obviously written to be performed as part of a musical. (Which, as Emilie Autumn said in the interview with Gothic Charm School, is what she is planning for.) There’s a storyline linking most of the songs together, and several of them sound like they’ve come from a production that is ready for its West End or off-Broadway debut.

Personally, as much as I’m a fan of musical theatre, my favorite tracks from FLAG are the ones that don’t fit tidily into that category. For example, the opening track (and first single) “Fight Like a Girl” has become, against all odds, one of my favorites. I say “against all odds”, because at first listen, “Fight Like a Girl” is very ”¦ dance-pop in sound, complete with some obvious auto-tune tweaks used for effect. In other words, the sort of thing I don’t listen to very often. But “Fight Like a Girl” is insidiously catchy, and the lyrics are bitingly snarky.

“Time For Tea”, the second song on the first single, is musically as far away from “Fight Like a Girl” as it could possibly get, with growly vocals (almost Cookie Monster vocals, in some spots) interspersed with crisp spoken sections, all wrapped in a wall of distorted noise. But, much like “Fight Like a Girl”, “Time For Tea” is ridiculously catchy, and I find myself randomly humming parts of it all the time. (But not unconsciously singing it out loud, thank goodness, because even quietly singing lyrics like “… when she was good, she was very very good, and when she was bad she was HOMICIDAL”, while fun, is frowned upon in work meetings.)

“Take the Pill” is the track that I heard for the first time at the January 2012 Emilie Autumn concert, and it mesmerized me. It was the song I was most looking forward to from FLAG, and it didn’t disappoint me. It’s a scathing song about how blithely medication is (all too frequently) prescribed instead of looking for a solution, and how the benefits of the medication are counterbalanced or outweighed by the side-effects. Don’t get me wrong, I am a big fan of better living through chemistry, and I do believe that “taking your meds” can fix many things. But I am also grimly aware that the best of medical intentions still leave people floundering to decide which is worse, the illness or the cure. “.. take the pill that’s fucking with your mind. That’s all you have to lose ”¦ that’s funny.” The seemingly interminable wait between the first time I heard “Take the Pill” live and finally having the album was worth it, and it’s easily my favorite song off of FLAG.

“If I Burn” is a song that started out life before the Opheliac album, and it’s the song that has the most in common with Opheliac. Musically and lyrically, “If I Burn” is a sibling to “I Want My Innocence Back” and “I Know Where You Sleep”. It doesn’t fit in with the pop stylings of “Fight Like A Girl” or the rage (suppressed or screaming) of “Time For Tea” or “Take the Pill”, but it doesn’t match the stage musical stylings of the rest of the songs. However, it acts as a good bridge between those very different approaches, and it’s a pity that “If I Burn” doesn’t come earlier on FLAG.

The rest of the songs on FLAG have a very stage musical flavor, which is a little odd, but charming for the most part. “What Will I Remember” is a heartrending ballad that muses about mortality and wondering if anyone would notice if the singer vanished from existence. “We Want Them Young” is the song where the chorus ominously warns of the plight of women committed to the Victorian asylum, and “Girls! Girls! Girls” is the kicky vaudeville number that sensationalizes that plight, exhibiting the inmates as racy entertainment. (I must confess: when Emilie Autumn Twittered that she was recording a song called “Girls! Girls! Girls!”, my immediate reaction was a sense of astonishment that she was covering a Motley Crue song. Now that I’m familiar with the Emilie Autumn song, I see it, in a way, as a grimmer reflection of that Motley Crue cockrock anthem. Both songs are about women being viewed as things that only exist to entertain and be objectified.)

“Gaslight” is another pretty, melancholy ballad, and is a musical summary of a large chunk of plot from The Asylum For Wayward Victorian Girls. I can easily picture Emilie standing on stage, lit by a single spot and singing, the rest of the set illuminated with flickering blue lights as the rest of the cast pantomimes the actions the lyrics mention.

To me, the weakest song on the album is “I Don’t Understand”, and I suspect that it would work far better on stage as part of a musical production. For one thing, the song is meant to be a duet between the character of Emily (with a “y”, and yes, it’s a thing from the book) and the young man who has been brought to the asylum to take glamorous photos of the inmates. On the album, Emilie Autumn sings both parts of the duet; she uses different vocal ranges and stylings, but it sounds odd and forced. In a musical production there would be two different performers, and the narrative around the song would be much more apparent.

The album ends on a defiantly triumphant song with “One Foot In Front of the Other”. This is the song Emilie Autumn closed her live shows with during the last tour, and seeing her and the Bloody Crumpets perform it gave me chills. The song acknowledges the horrible things that have happened, but reminds us that sometimes the most important thing is to keep moving and trying. Since Fight Like a Girl was released, “One Foot In Front of the Other” has become a song I listen to on especially difficult days.

On the whole, I think the Fight Like a Girl album is a delight, and I hope that Emilie Autumn is able to carry through her plans of turning it into a stage musical with a full cast. Until that happens, I’m looking forward to seeing her on tour.

Fight Like a Girl track list:

  • Fight Like a Girl
  • Time for Tea
  • 4 o’Clock Reprise
  • What Will I Remember
  • Take the Pill
  • Girls! Girls! Girls!
  • I Don’t Understand
  • We Want Them Young
  • If I Burn
  • Scavenger
  • Gaslight
  • The Key
  • Hell is Empty
  • Gaslight Reprise
  • Goodnight, Sweet Ladies
  • Start Another Story
  • One Foot In Front of the Other

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With that, Snarklings, the Lady of the Manners is going to go off and have a cup of tea (or perhaps a glass of absinthe), and go play with dolls. (All in the name of finally writing the review of them, honest.) Does the Lady of the Manners need to give you the Correspondence clicky-link again? Well, better safe than sorry, one supposes …

Posted in General, review: music | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Fight Like A Girl: An Interview With Emilie Autumn!

Posted on August, 2012 by Lady of the Manners

Hello Snarklings! The Lady of the Manners has been flouncing with glee around Gothic Charm School headquarters, because not only has she been listening to the new Emilie Autumn album Fight Like A Girl, but she was also given the opportunity to interview Emilie for a second time! So without further wittering or waiting, on to the interview!

Gothic Charm School: You’ve described the Fight Like A Girl album as “the Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls Broadway musical”. What made you want to take your music to an even more theatrical level?

Emilie Autumn: The FLAG album is actually only a small part of the “Asylum”¦” musical that I’m writing at the moment. The real thing will be far too epic to fit onto one CD, or even two. Really, I was always meant to create a musical, and this story was always meant to become one. It couldn’t not.

Gothic Charm School: What ARE some of your favorite musicals? (I now have the irresistible image of you performing “Just You Wait” from My Fair Lady!)

Emilie Autumn: Ha! That is a damn good image indeed! But even better would be my singing “Why Can’t A Woman Be More Like A Man?” I planned to perform that ages ago but just haven’t found the time”¦ It’ll happen, I’m sure. It has to. In any case, I adore the musicals I’m sure you’d expect me to, “Les Mis”, “Phantom”, “Miss Saigon”, and one not as many people know about but is one of my favorites, Andrew Lloyd Weber’s “Aspects Of Love.”

Gothic Charm School: On Twitter you mentioned your announcement of the West End FLAG musical. Has the script been finalized? When will casting and rehearsals start, and do you have any “dream casting” thoughts?

Emilie Autumn: I’ll be working on the script and the music for the bulk of the next two years, and even that is an extremely short time in the real world to create something like this, but I’m impatient to show this to the world, and to perform in it, so I’m speeding up the clock as I usually do, just to make my life a bit more insane. I don’t think I’d know what to do in a relaxed working environment”¦ Of course I do have a dream cast, but I wouldn’t dare speak of it. At this moment I can only confirm myself and the Bloody Crumpets.

Gothic Charm School: What was it like working on The Devil’s Carnival? I understand that it was a very short shooting schedule; did that make you nervous? Did recording your vocal tracks for the movie feel very different from how you record for your own projects?

Emilie Autumn: It’s true that the process of creating every aspect of the film was very quick, and this is a marvelous testament to everyone’s brilliance and professionalism who worked on it, from the actors to the camera people and make up and FX crew. Everyone did more than their part, and all for the sheer love of the project and wanting to be a part of something truly creative and unique, something they could respect. This mad schedule did affect everything from the long hours that we worked to the recording of the music, which was, to answer your original question, not different at all from how I record my own music, because I did my own recording for this, as well due to lack of time to fly me out to L.A. to record in the studio with everyone else. It saved a couple of days and a fair amount of money for me to do it myself, and to let Darren and Terrance take it from there.

Gothic Charm School: How long did the application of the makeup for the Painted Doll costume take? Did you work with the costume designer to create the look?

Emilie Autumn: I didn’t know it at the time, but I was the very first actor to sign onto the film, about a year before we even really got started. During that time, I developed the character of Painted Doll with the guys (Darren Lynn Bousman and Terrance Zdunich). I don’t mean to sound as though I’m taking credit for the character ”“ I’m certainly not. But I definitely had a good deal of input and the allowance to express what I thought she should behave and look like. This was crucial to me because, as you know, I don’t generally act in films precisely because I’m usually not interested in being a part of something I have no control over, as would be the case in many film projects. However, it was relatively easy to give control over to the guys as they’re clearly brilliant, but at the same time, I didn’t want to play someone I wasn’t in love with and didn’t identify with. For example, it was extremely important to me that Doll was not classically gothic in any way. She is macabre, in the exact same way as I myself am, but I was very against her wearing any black at all. I wanted her to be iconic — I didn’t want her to be cliché, something that could have easily happened if a character like this were in the hands of a different team. Once we were all on the same page, Darren knew that something really special, sexy, structured, and dramatic would be needed for Doll, and that’s when the absolutely brilliant Mildren von Hildegard, designer and creator of the legendary “Mother Of London” fashion line, was brought in to design and build the final costume. There was definitely some back and forth going on to settle on the design (Darren and I wanted as much skin showing as possible, naturally), but the credit goes to Mildred, whom I’ve admired for years — she was the only one we trusted to create Doll’s corset and outrageous dress, and I’m proud to wear her work. The fucking incredible makeup and prosthetics took around three hours every day to apply and one hour to remove, and the conversations that happen after you sit in a chair with the same person applying prosthetics to your face every single day for that many hours”¦well, that could be an interview of it’s own”¦

Gothic Charm School: I understand you just finished shooting your first ever music video, for “Fight Like A Girl”! Any particularly funny stories from that production?

Emilie Autumn: I haven’t yet finished — we are actually in the midst of it now. I’m not sure whether any of these stories will be safe to tell by the end of shooting”¦

Gothic Charm School: I know your fans were constantly speculating about what songs from Opheliac would be turned into music videos; is there a song from that album you wish you could have found the time and/or budget to film a video for?

Emilie Autumn: All of them! And I still will, because I certainly don’t go by any label’s rules of album cycles and what should be released and when. I see all of this creative output as happening, really, in the same time ”“ I don’t view it linearly, as businesses do. It’s all relevant, right now.

Gothic Charm School: In some ways you’ve become the pop-culture “face” for talking about bipolar and manic depressive issues. Is that something you set out to become, or was it a case of feeling so strongly about a topic that it influenced your creations and conversations? And are there ever times that you wish you could take a break from it and not talk about what it’s like to struggle and (from what I’ve seen) frequently triumph over those issues?

Emilie Autumn: You are definitely dead on in your suspicion that I simply felt so strongly about the topic that it influences my creations in virtually every way, but, once I realized what was happening, how this aspect of my work was affecting people in a positive and powerful way, I definitely shed any reservation I still had and really just let it all out. I don’t regret any bit of it, and the thing is that I do feel I have the power not to talk about it. I can always just”¦not talk about it. If it’s asked about in an interview and I feel like focusing on something else, then I just do. It’s very important to realize in this business, even at my sort of underground cult status (I’m definitely not a mainstream success nor have I ever tried to be), that you, the artist, have ultimate power. Learn to say no, and mean it. In the end, it’s your message, and you decide how you want to say it. No one can make you do anything. You can’t be a victim of your own press.

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The Lady of the Manners wants to extend heartfelt thanks to Emilie for graciously agreeing to do another interview with Gothic Charm School, and to Melissa King for organizing everything!

Posted in General, review: music | Leave a comment

On Dealing With Personal Questions

Posted on July, 2012 by Lady of the Manners

Hello, Snarklings! Oh good heavens, is it summer already? As she has said before, the Lady of the Manners much prefers autumn. Especially October, which also happens to be the name of the Snarkling who wrote to Gothic Charm School asking for advice in dealing with personal questions:

Dearest Lady of the Manners,

I am a recovering socially anxious wreck, in so many words. I am a generally shy person, but I am trying to be better about how I speak to people I don’t know. I hoped you would have some advice to help me. See, I, at the ripe old age of 21, have just entered my first relationship ever, and it is with another lady. Naturally, people tend to have questions, which I understand. However, I am a very private person, and I get very uncomfortable when people ask me personal questions, such as how serious the relationship is, what exactly my sexual orientation is, and so forth. I tend to regress to my less polite behaviors, either one-word grunting answers, or simply telling them it is none of their damn business. I feel like there is a better way to answer questions like these, but I get so nervous and uncomfortable that I don’t think my answers through. If you have any advice at all, it would be most appreciated.

Yours,
October C

Congratulations on your relationship! The Lady of the Manners hopes that you and your lady are very happy. As to your question; while the Lady of the Manners supports you in learning to be better about talking to people you don’t know, she also suspects you think you owe those people answers. To be perfectly honest, you don’t.

However, the Lady of the Manners earnestly believes that there is a graceful middle ground between “one-word grunting answers, or simply telling them it is none of their damn business” and answering every question asked of you. You absolutely are entitled to your privacy, and there is no requirement for you to answer people’s questions about your relationship, your sexual orientation, or even other, less-personal questions.

So! If someone you don’t know asks you questions you don’t want to answer, look directly at them and say, “I don’t discuss my personal life.” (You could say “I don’t discuss my personal life with people I don’t know”, but if the person asking you personal questions is someone you vaguely know (as in, you work with them, have a class with them, see them all the time at the coffee shop, or so on), they may try to pull the “Oh, but you know me!” card.) The important thing to remember is that you don’t have to answer those questions. No one is owed any sort of information about your relationship or sexuality except whomever you are involved with. If you don’t feel comfortable talking about those aspects of your life, you don’t have to!

Now, because the Lady of the Manners has a rather wide streak of mischief in her, she’s going to suggest another approach, which is ridiculous, but can be a lot of fun. If someone asks you a question about your personal life, feel free to make up a wildly-fictitious story. “How serious is our relationship? Well, we both think it’s fun, but she’s been betrothed to the Grand High Muckety of planet Zurip since she was a tiny child, so we can’t be as serious as we like, and we’re on the run from the interplanetary assassins. Don’t tell anyone you know about us!”. If you can deliver this sort of answer with a completely serious facial expression, so much the better. Why do this? One reason is because it would be fun. But just as important is the reason that a fantastical answer will (probably) leave the questioner confused and taken aback, which allows you to change the subject or walk away.

The Lady of the Manners understands if you don’t wish to spin impromptu fictions to discomfort people asking personal questions. It involves thinking very quickly and turning social interactions into a more performative thing; since you described yourself as a recovering socially anxious wreck, adding extra nuance and layers to dealing with people is probably the last thing you want. But the reason the Lady of the Manners suggested it (besides the aforementioned mischievous streak) is because answering impertinent questions with obvious falsehoods and bold-faced lies (besides being rather satisfying) points out just how intrusive the questioner is being. Or so the Lady of the Manners would hope.

Which leads the Lady of the Manners to her final suggestion for how to deal with someone asking you personal questions: ask them why they want to know! She’s willing to bet that most people, when asked why they’re asking you about your relationship, your sexual orientation, or some other bit of personal information, will blink a bit and answer that they’re “just curious” or “just making conversation”. At which point you can look at them blankly (or smile) and reply, “Oh”.

Again, you aren’t obligated to answer those sorts of questions. For that matter, you’re not obligated to make conversation with other people! This may seem like an odd statement for the Lady of the Manners to be saying, but it’s true! Even the most outgoing and extroverted of people have days where they don’t feel like chatting or answering questions, and no one should feel like they must. It’s an idea that a lot of people have a hard time accepting, but it’s an important one. If someone tries to strike up a conversation with you, there is no rule saying you must join in. You are absolutely allowed to say, “I don’t feel like talking, thanks”, or “I don’t discuss my personal life”, and not say anything else.

Sadly, there are people who don’t accept this, and who will keep asking you questions, asking why don’t you feel like talking, they were just trying to be friendly! Do not let those sorts of reactions make you feel you are in the wrong. You’re not, and there is nothing wrong with not wanting to engage in conversation. If you get a reaction like this, repeat that you don’t feel like talking, and do your best to ignore the person or walk away from them. (Walk away from them and toward other people, or into a shop.) Some people, when they try to force a conversation and you make it very clear that you’re not going to play along, will get mad. Again, that’s not your fault.

Goodness, how did the Lady of the Manners get from telling someone you don’t feel like talking, to having to walk away while someone is angry? Because it’s a sad fact that sometimes those sorts of things happen. But take heart, Snarklings; most people will not get angry and demanding if you make it clear that you don’t want to talk to them or answer a question. But some people will, and it’s important to be aware of that and have at least a vague plan for what to do, instead of being taken aback and fumbling for a response. However, most people will accept that you don’t want to answer a question (some with better grace than others), and will let you be.

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Upcoming things here at Gothic Charm School, once the Lady of the Manners is able to drag herself off of the couch of ennui, summer lethargy, and migraines, include two! TWO different visits to the Nocturnal House to talk about vampire books, another trip to the Doll House for a review of dolls from Tonner Doll and Wilde Imagination, some burbling about assorted makeup brands, and, as always, answering reader questions! (You all know where the clicky-link for sending questions is, don’t you? The handy Correspondence form? Good, good ”¦) In the meantime, the Lady of the Manners can be found over on Tumblr, posting a never-ending stream of eye candy, random comments, clicky-links of coveting, and Goth at the Office photos.

Posted in Being Mannerly, General, Serious Matters | Leave a comment

Of Gentlemen’s Summerwear and of Alternative Genders

Posted on May, 2012 by Lady of the Manners

Hello Snarklings! Yes, the Lady of the Manners has dragged herself away from playing with dolls and reading vampire books to answer reader letters! A letter asking for some fashion advice, and two different letters touching on the trans* and genderqueer communities. This is one of the posts at Gothic Charm School where the Lady of the Manners is going to open up the comments in order to get (she hopes!) even more advice and support for the dilemmas being addressed here. However, as always, the comments will be moderated. (Does the Lady of the Manners have to point out that flaming, trolling, and hateful speech are not tolerated here? She would assume not, but better safe than sorry.)

The first letter is from Jhim, who like many Goths, is thrown into a bit of a wardrobe quandary with the approach of summer:

My dearest Lady of the Manners,

I come to you yet again, humbly beseeching you for assistance. I am a large chap, and have a devil of a time finding decent summer-wear. Winter? No problem, the “big guy” stores are full of dark suits and coats and the like, but in the summer, especially here in Las Vegas, everything is light, pastel, and/or horrible. Do you, with your vast knowledge and large network, know where a big guy can find decent goth-wear? Black t-shirts and jeans just isn’t cutting it with me anymore.

Yours eternally,

Jhim.

P.S. I know I ask this every summer-season, but I am hoping that maybe now your Ladyship will have some information?

Oh gracious, summer in Las Vegas? The Lady of the Manners quails at the thought. There are reasons why the Lady of the Manners doesn’t stray too far from the Pacific Northwest, and avoiding high temperatures would be one of them. (As a matter of fact, the Lady of the Manners has been known to get rather petulant and whiny once the thermometer goes above 80 degrees.)

First things first: you are, of course, taking care of yourself by slathering on sunblock and drinking plenty of water, yes? There is a dizzying array of choices for sunblock; the Lady of the Manners tends to opt for a high SPF with a finish that won’t do strange things to her makeup, but still has not found her One True Sunblock, so she’s not going to list any brands. Not to mention that there’s some very solid research showing that chemical sunblocks over SPF 30 aren’t as effective as we would like to believe and can become carcinogenic themselves. (Aaaugh!) However, if any of you Snarklings reading this have a favorite sunblock, please mention it in the comments!

As to men’s gothwear in larger sizes: the Lady of the Manners spent some time exploring what the internet had to offer, and was rather disappointed. If you’re interested in Victorian Gothic or Steampunk styles, then Gentleman’s Emporium has a nice selection of shirts, waistcoats, and trousers up to size 3X. Another good store for reproduction 19th century clothing is Jas Townsend and Son, but they are of a much more Serious Historical Re-Enactment sort of place than Gentleman’s Emporium.

But if you’re looking for stylish menswear that isn’t historically-inspired, there doesn’t seem to be a one-stop-shop answer. It should be possible to find comfortable summer clothing to appeal to your darker tastes, but you’ll need to be clever about it and read a lot of labels. Look at what offerings are at the mainstream stores that carry your size range, and look for clothing made from natural fibers. Cotton, linen, rayon; these are fabrics that breathe, and will help keep you cool even if you wear all black. Of course, the down side to those natural fibers is that they require a bit more care (usually ironing) to look their best. But take a look at places such as the Rochester Big and Tall store, which has a good-sized selection of trousers, shirts, shorts, and suits that all come in the Goth-approved black color range.

Also, don’t feel that you absolutely must have a year-round wardrobe of inky hue to maintain your Goth Points! The Lady of the Manners is a big fan of gothy fashion, but believes that it isn’t worth suffering heat stroke over. White, ivory, pale gray, or black and white patterns such as stripes are all part of the Goth Color Palette, and will absorb less heat than the black-as-our-hearts fashion choices we spooky types usually favor. Pale, ghostly spirits are just as darkly fashionable as black-clad creatures of the night, and probably less prone to swooning under the dreaded orb of light.

Kilts are a wonderful summer option (well, year-round option, really), and come in a wide range of styles, sizes, colors, and fabrics. The Lady of the Manners has been told good things about Stumptown Kilts and Utilikilts.

Another thing you can do to keep cool is to carry a parasol and a fan with you when you are outside. Yes, you may get some startled looks from other people, but you will be carrying your own shade and cooling breeze with you, which is far more important than the reactions of passers-by.

”¦ And this is where the Lady of the Manners runs out of clever ideas for Jhim and other larger gentleman, and so she turns to you readers! Do any of you have clicky-links of usefulness for men’s summer gothwear? Please post a comment with them!

—

The next two questions are getting answered together, as they both concern the Goth community and transgender issues. A darling creature named blankies wrote in asking:

dear darling momma goth,

i have recently arrived at the conclusion that i am not a binary gender, but rather a lovely and much more complicated mix of dapper and glitter and a lotta other things. However, it is extremely difficult for me to find any recognition of gendermessy people or andron clothing in the goth community (i am speaking mostly about online ones right now, i am 15 and living in a heavily conservative town, i do not expect any sort of goth community here, much less one that is inclusive of my gender. I was wondering if you could provide any sort of validation for me, or point me in the direction of some other non-binary goths or fashion. unfortunately, i am too small to wear menswear, and i don’t want to spend a lot of money on clothing, no matter how lovely, that would not fit me. thank you so much!

And Zoey wrote with these concerns:

Hello Lady of the Manners!

I wanted to write to you asking for a bit of advice. I’m a socially awkward transgendered gothic woman living in a small town in the middle of nowhere, Canada. I suppose my questions are: Do you think there is any hope for me finding and making some friends with similar interests out here? I’ve look online everywhere from local groups and clubs to social sites. It seems there is absolutely no one anywhere near me. I would move, but unfortunately due to my current circumstances I cannot. I also feel like I’ll have an even harder time developing a social circle being transgendered. I would hope the the gothic community would be tolerate and maybe even supportive of LGBT peoples, but I’m not sure and scared to find out.

I hope that all made sense and that you can help clear some things up for me. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this!

– Zoey

Darling creatures, the Lady of the Manners most devoutly hopes the Gothic community would not merely tolerate LGBT people, but embrace and support them! If someone has decided that the Goth subculture is where they belong, then they are choosing to embrace eccentricity and glamorous strangeness, and a very large part of that should be accepting people for who they are.

The Lady of the Manners admits that she herself hadn’t been aware there was a name for the genderqueer or genderfluid until quite recently; when various friends over the years said things like “I’m a boy and a girl”, or “My gender is Batman”, the Lady of the Manners just tried to remember to ask her friends which pronouns they preferred to be addressed by.

Where to find information? Tumblr is a fabulous resource for anyone of alternative gender or on the transgender spectrum who may be looking for validation, support, or community! The Lady of the Manners asked Madz(wonderful sparkly creature that they are) for some Helpful Links, and madz was very helpful, indeed!

http://blacksheepgoths.tumblr.com
http://genderqueer.tumblr.com/
http://fuckyeahqueercuts.tumblr.com/
http://fuckyeahhardfemme.tumblr.com/ (Madz points out that this is a rather specific place in the genderqueer spectrum, but that there is lots of gothy inspiration to be found here.)
http://fyandrogyny.tumblr.com/
http://genderfork.tumblr.com/
http://genderanarchy.tumblr.com/
http://androgynyisexy.tumblr.com/
http://fuckyeahboysinskirts.tumblr.com/
http://fyeahnon-binaryseahorse.tumblr.com/

According to trusted sources, almost any sufficiently large social networking site is going to have something for people of alternative gender. However, do some research to check on how well-moderated a place is, and how safe it might be for people who aren’t out yet.

The Lady of the Manners wishes she had more helpful information to give all of the non-binary, genderfluid, genderqueer, and trans folks out there. However, coming as she does from a space of cis privilege, she acknowledges that this is an area where, like anyone who desires to be a good ally, she needs to call on her army of Snarklings for help.. Which is why the comments are open (and moderated!), Snarklings! Advice? Resources? Words of support?

On a very serious note, the Lady of the Manners wants to stress the part about being an ally. Goths face enough scorn and derision from external sources as it is, so we need to draw together and support each other. The Lady of the Manners isn’t asking you to agree with everyone else in the worldwide Goth community, because that would be a mite hypocritical of her. But she IS asking all of you to, oh, agree to disagree, and to be supportive of other’s rights to their opinions. Yes, “treat others the way you want to be treated” is a timeworn cliche, but that’s because it’s such a basic, important truth that sometimes it gets overlooked or dismissed. Treat everyone as kindly as you yourself want to be treated.

—

So! The Lady of the Manners is going to go play with write the review of the dolls from Tonner Dolls and Wilde Imagination, and then dive into her teetering stack of to-be-read vampire books in order to write up more installments of the Nocturnal House. But while she’s off doing those things, feel free to write!

Posted in Being Fashionable, Being Social, Clicky-links, General, Serious Matters | Tagged , , | 38 Comments

The Doll House: Tonner Doll and Wilde Imagination!

Posted on April, 2012 by Lady of the Manners

Welcome to the Doll House, Snarklings! You see, the Lady of the Manners likes dolls. And doll houses, and miniatures, and fuzzy toy monsters. As it so happens, there are a lot of Goth or Goth-influenced dolls and other goodies out there! So the Doll House is where the Lady of the Manners is going to, well, talk about dolls, review various doll-related goodies, and encourage other gothy doll enthusiasts to comment!

For the first visit to the Doll House, the Lady of the Manners had the good fortune to be able to interview two well-known fabulous people in the world of collectible dolls: Robert Tonner from Tonner Doll, and Joe Petrollese from Wilde Imagination.

Gothic Charm School: The Tonner company is best known for the fashion-influenced dolls such as Tyler Wentworth and Antoinette, which are lovely, but not necessarily something that would catch the eye of someone with Goth inclinations. What made you decide to branch out into the darker side of doll creation?

Robert: Great question! I have a good friend and co-worker, Michelle Hodge, who kept nudging me in this direction. Not to get too esoteric about it, but I think I’ve changed the way I look at beauty and I think that our collectors have changed the way they look at dolls. Truthfully, I was tired of “pretty” ball gowns and designer suits/dresses for the dolls so I attempted a Goth look for our Halloween Convention a few years ago. I was hooked on the look. The convention doll did really well so I just continued to move in that direction. The Goth dolls led to less “sunny” back stories and set us off in a new direction. At first, I was concerned that our collectors wouldn’t get it””but I didn’t have to worry. They seemed to love the darker direction and I’m pretty sure I’ve picked up some new collectors.

Gothic Charm School: Now that you’ve created an Antoinette “Goth Basic” doll, and the stunning “Desire” outfit, are you going to create more fabulous haute couture designs for her? What’s the reaction to that version of Antoinette been like?

Robert: Both our “Goth Basic” doll and the “Desire” outfit are doing very well, and as I am in business, we will be doing more products in this style!”¨”¨

Gothic Charm School: How much training and practice does it take for a designer to learn to translate conceptual drawings to textiles? How would you suggest someone interested in designing original doll garments get started?

Robert: Wow, there is not an easy answer to your question. I have an extensive fashion background””I designed clothing in New York for almost seventeen years. Joe, my design director did clothing for even longer””so we both have the background. The pattern makers that we work with all have professional experience also. However, having said that, a person with sewing experience and a love of fabric (and good taste) can create original garments. It’s just that you have more control over your art the more you know about the tools. As I say to anyone who wants to try something””get started! The sooner you start, the faster you’ll get better at it.”¨”¨

Gothic Charm School: What was the inspiration for the Sinister Circus line? And can you give the Gothic Charm School readers any hints as to what interesting things are in the works for that line for 2012?

Robert: The original concept behind Sinister Circus was Joe’s (Joe Petrollese of Wilde Imagination). We had been looking for darker subject matter for a while and we both thought Circus’ could be kind of creepy! We really enjoyed creating those characters. And, I’m very pleased to say that we have a Sinster Circus book with a book agent currently. Hopefully the book will be published this year. We’ve been holding off doing a lot more until we see where the book is going. However, we do have a few characters in work that are, well, sinister!”¨”¨

Gothic Charm School: What made you decide to work with Tim Burton characters for the Re-Imagination line this year? Did Mr. Burton have any input as to what the Ms. Beetlejuice and Corpse Bride dolls would look like?

Robert: We’ve done the Re-Imagination line for a few years now””the first group were Goth fashion versions of the ghosts from A Christmas Carol and they were big hits. We go back to that line every year with something different and this year, we wanted to give the Tim Burton properties a try. Although we’ve never met Mr. Burton, Joe and I are big fans and, from what we hear, he likes what we do (we’ve done many Tim Burton projects). Joe sketched a few samples of what we wanted to do and he approved them. We were both thrilled that he liked the concepts. We would love any input Mr. Burton would want to give, but so far, he seems to like what we come up with.

Gothic Charm School: How do you decide which media properties you want to approach to make dolls from? Is it a case of what really grabs you artistically, or which characters you think would translate well into dolls?

Robert: I am always looking for new properties to translate into what we do, so we really keep an eye out for anything in the popular culture that might work. It seems like there are some great movies being done now that translate really well into character figures””but we don’t do just anything. We have been very wrong on occasion and that can be very costly (The Golden Compass comes to mind). As a collector, I have to want the figures we’re creating first of all. For the most part we pick pretty well. ”¨”¨

Gothic Charm School: The advance photos I’ve seen of the Maudlynne Macabre doll are adorable! Why did you decide to create another Goth doll, and what were your inspirations?

Robert: Maudlynne is on our toy line””Tonner Toys. She was dreamed up by Jason Reilley who works in design for that division. I’ve always thought that a play doll with a slightly darker theme would be popular with little girls and boys. ”¨”¨

Gothic Charm School:The Maudlynne Macabre doll (and the City Girls dolls?) are all more “toy-like” than previous offerings from Tonner. What made you decide to jump into the toy doll world? How large an initial wardrobe offering has been planned for her?

Robert: I’ve always wanted to make toys””or, at least dolls for the toy market. I started Tonner Toys with three partners who all have toy experience. Working in the “toy world” let’s us do projects that are more accessible to children. As far as a wardrobe for Maudlynne, we’ll probably just get the doll out first and plan clothing for later””all in good time!”¨”¨

Gothic Charm School: From the current Tonner doll offerings, tell me who your top three favorites are.

Robert: Usually the dolls I like best are the ones that I just finished. For instance, at this time I’m really liking Nu Mood and Precarious. I also love our new take on our Deeanna Denton line.”¨”¨

Gothic Charm School: If you were able to create any doll you wanted, what would your dream project be?

Robert: I feel like I’m pretty lucky””I pretty much have done the projects that I’ve wanted to do over the years. One of my biggest thrills was to get the rights to do Harry Potter. We also work with the best studios out there who like what we do so it’s been great. I have always wanted to do a Doris Day fashion doll, but other than that, I really can’t think of anything else.

—

The Lady of the Manners first learned about Wilde Imagination a few years ago, when she saw the first ads for the Evangeline Ghastly doll, became smitten, and started searching for any information she could find about this gorgeous doll who had the wardrobe of the Lady of the Manners’ dreams. Here’s what the Evangeline Ghastly site has to say:

Created by designer Joe Petrollese and sculpted by renowned fashion doll artist and designer Robert Tonner, Evangeline is crafted entirely of the finest pale luminescent resin, and now available in high-quality vinyl, too. She is completely ball jointed, essential for unlimited posing possibilities. She comes with realistic, inset eyes and a designer outfit befitting any mortician’s assistant. Hand-painted features, a wig made of the highest quality fibers, and designer outfits that use only the finest of fabrics and trims are the hallmarks of this quirky girl.

Inspired by Tim Burton’s The Corpse Bride, The Addams Family, and even Barbra Streisand, Evangeline comes to you straight from the attic of Barkley Manor located in Ipswich, England, across from the local cemetery.

Gothic Charm School: What made you decide to branch out and create Wilde Imagination?

Robert: Wilde Imagination developed from a desire to do new and different things and to have a different business model. I think that both Joe and I push ourselves a little more with Wilde””that’s a positive on the design side. On the business side, we sell directly to the collector so the feedback is pure and immediate (for better or for worse!).

”¨Gothic Charm School: What made you decide to add Mortimer Mort to the Evangeline Ghastly family? Is he going to end up with a wardrobe to rival Evangeline’s, or is he going to suffer the plight of most Goth men, and not have as many choices?

Joe: Every story needs a love triangle. Mortimer was the first to be introduced so that Evangeline had someone to turn her attention to. Remember she lives by herself (not counting her pets) in an attic and works at a mortuary (not much conversation going on there). She doesn’t have many friends in town and knows of no other family members (well not yet anyway). Now that her cousin Parnilla is coming back to town there’s going to be fireworks. You’ll need to read more about her family on the website. It just seems natural that Evangeline and now Parnilla ( Parnilla was born in Ipswich but grew up in Paris and was raised by a famous fashion designer) get all the clothes but Mortimer will get more clothes as time goes on. He’s a shy guy and it’s going to take time for him to show his true colors.”¨”¨

Gothic Charm School: What is your favorite thing about creating the designs for Evangeline Ghastly?

Joe: Getting to explore all the different looks. When we first started the line I think a lot of people thought how is he going to create a line that will continue season after season just based on this concept. Goth doesn’t have to be just “black” if you know what I mean. Plus having her story line helps. It’s like designing for a movie. I can put her into different situations and dress her for them. We create the script and design the costumes. ”¨”¨

Gothic Charm School: Tell me about the Imperium Park Steampunk dolls! What made you want to do a Steampunk-specific line?

Robert: Joe and I had been exploring Steampunk for a couple of years and we started the line almost two years ago. We both like the detail and the nostalgic/sci-fi aspects of Steampunk, and there really hadn’t been a true Steampunk fashion line out there. Plus, we’re having a blast coming up with the story line.”¨”¨

Gothic Charm School: What were your references and inspirations for the Imperium Park dolls?

Robert: We researched Steampunk fashion on line and we’ve started there. We do want to add our own unique take eventually.

Gothic Charm School: Are there more Steampunk/mad scientist accessories planned for them, such as the Apothecary Case?

Joe: Absolutely. Having these items makes the collection even more exciting. ӬӬ

Gothic Charm School: From the current Wilde Imagination dolls, who are your top three favorites?

Joe: That’s hard to say. It’s sort of like trying to pick out which one of your kids you like best.
Ӭ
Gothic Charm School: Have you ever considered yourself a Goth? If so, do you still have gothy tendencies, and working with these dolls is a way to express those? Or if not, do you think the dolls and their designs are a way for you to explore the Goth world?

Robert: Never did””but I grew up in the mid-west, many years ago and that’s stayed with me. If I were a young person today, I certainly might lean that way. Doing Goth dolls is a way to express a dark beauty””and that appeals to me.

Joe: I don’t consider myself goth in any way (although I do wear a lot of black), but I am attracted to the dark quirky side of things like Tim Burton’s work and such. Also, there’s something very glamorous about women like Morticia Addams and Lily Munster.

Gothic Charm School: Ellowyne Wilde and especially Evangeline Ghastly are, without a doubt, Goth dolls, with outfits and accessories that many Goths (including myself!) want in real-person sizes! Where do you find inspiration and ideas for the them?

Robert: For Ellowyne I look at New York street fashion, Japanese street fashion, current runway and then mix it all up. Plus, fabrics are always the start and a big part of the inspiration.

Joe: Evangeline’s clothing is part Victorian/Edwardian, part Streisand-inspired, and part movie-inspired. Actually the ideas come from all over. The story behind EG is that she lives in an attic filled with clothes and furniture and stuff. She has her own design sense so she takes the clothing from the attic and re-designs them to suit her style. She also gets cast-offs from the mortuary where she works and uses them too (don’t worry, they’re never previously worn by any of the customers). Having been a fashion designer before, coming to work for Tonner I never really think of the clothing as being designed for dolls. I just design as I would for a human.

Gothic Charm School: Goth clothing is notoriously detailed in its construction; what challenges have you run into in creating doll-sized Goth fashions?

Robert: I think scale is always a challenge. To get a fabric to drape the way you want takes a lot of trial and error.

Joe: This is probably one of the reasons that I’m attracted to these kinds of clothing. I like the little details and heavily constructed garments. As Robert said, fabric is usually the challenge. Most fabrics are not scaled for dolls, they’re scaled for humans.

—

Coming very soon to the Gothic Charm School Doll House: reviews of the Ms. Beetlejuice and the Dandy of Death Evangeline Ghastly dolls! Just as soon as the Lady of the Manners stops playing with the dolls and finishes taking the photos, that is.

What do you think of the ever-growing trend of Goth-themed dolls? Enticing? Creepy? A sign that the subculture is under attack from outsiders? (You’re allowed and encouraged to have your own opinions, Snarklings, but if you do espouse that one, the Lady of the Manners is going to roll her eyes at you, just a tiny bit.) Anyway, look! Comments are open! Moderated as always, but open, so discuss! While you do that, the Lady of the Manners is going to dither between holding a tea party or a seance for her dolls…

Posted in General, Reviews | Tagged , , | 25 Comments

Show And Tell: h. naoto Fashion Show at SakuraCon!

Posted on April, 2012 by Lady of the Manners

Hello Snarklings! This round of Show and Tell is less a review of items, and more burbling about an event! The fifteenth annual Sakura-Con was a few short weeks ago, and the Lady of the Manners was delighted to attend. Sakura-Con is an event that is focused on Japanese animation, comics, gaming, and cultural arts. Over the past few years, Gothic + Lolita fashion has become a larger presence at the event, including attendees dressed in their finest frills, and fashion shows from some well-known Japanese alternative fashion designers!

h. naoto is a brand the Lady of the Manners has admired ever since she first saw photos of their designs in an early volume of the Gothic + Lolita Bible. Their blend of slashed and deconstructed punk details and Gothic Victorian black lace and tulle was eye-catching, and looked like the garments were designed to be worn in (admittedly very fashionable) daily life, not just saved for special photo shoots.

The h. naoto booth in the Sakura-Con vendor hall was constantly busy. This was at long last a chance for all of us to see the clothes in person, and marvel at the designs, the construction details, and the gorgeous prints! Plus the added excitement of if you purchased anything, you were given a voucher that allowed you to get a photo with the designer. (See if you can find the Lady of the Manners here; it shouldn’t be too difficult.)

The Saturday afternoon fashion show for the line was slickly produced, with wild hair and makeup to rival looks done at haute couture shows. And the clothes! Oh, the clothes. There were a wide range of looks that stomped down the runway.

There were asymmetrical jackets that looked like origami.

h. naoto photos by Libby Bulloff

And outfits that are what the Lady of the Manners originally envisioned when the term “cyberpunk” was thrown around way back when.

h. naoto photos by Libby Bulloff

h. naoto photos by Libby Bulloff

There were outfits that would be perfect lounging-about wear for an ardent Ziggy Stardust fan, with short lamé tunic dresses and lace dusters.

h. naoto photos by Libby Bulloff

h. naoto photos by Libby Bulloff

And of course, there were enough dark frills to make the heart of any EGL or Gothic-Victorian type beat faster.

h. naoto photos by Libby Bulloff

h. naoto photos by Libby Bulloff

h. naoto photos by Libby Bulloff

At the end of the fashion show, after the bows and the Q & A session, it was announced that the garments that we had just seen on the runway were going to be available for purchase at the h. naoto booth! Which led to something of a mob scene in the vendor hall as we all ever-so-casually loitered around, waiting for the racks of delectable dark and shiny goodies to arrive. (One of the Lady of the Manners’ friends did manage to purchase a jacket from the fashion show, and it looks fantastic on her.)

h. naoto has several sub-brands: NAOTO SEVEN, h. naoto blood, Frill, Gramm, Anarchy, Sixh, gook, and of course, Hangry and Angry. (The Lady of the Manners is a little shocked that she managed to restrain herself from getting anything featuring the “grotesque cute” cats.) h. naoto has a US retail store in San Francisco, but for many alt.fashion enthusiasts, the only way to see items in person is to attend one of the larger anime/Japanese pop culture conventions.

The Lady of the Manners is already making plans for next year’s Sakura-Con (more panels! Maybe even dabbling in some cosplay!), and is devoutly hoping that h. naoto will make a return appearance!

All fashion show photography is used with permission and taken by Libby Bulloff, all rights reserved. The rest of her h. naoto fashion show photos can be found here.

Posted in Being Fashionable, General, review: clothing, Reviews, Show And Tell | Leave a comment

Of Someone Not Sure About This Whole Goth Thing

Posted on March, 2012 by Lady of the Manners

 

Hello Snarklings! In this installment of Gothic Charm School, the Lady of the Manners is going to revisit a question that turns up somewhat frequently in the Gothic Charm School mailbox; this time, however, there’s a bit of a twist to it.

Stranded Fashionista wrote with what they call a bit of an existential crisis:

question: How do you know if you’re Goth or not? I’ve never considered myself anywhere close to Goth- but my friends who are more versed in the culture have pointed out that a lot of the things I like are “Goth.” It’s odd to think that I may be part of a sub-culture that I’ve sub-consciously judged for a lot of my life. I’m not exactly sure what help you can give- but, this is causing me a bit of existential crisis.

Oh, how very interesting! Someone asking the Am I A Goth? question, but who feels conflicted about the whole thing. The Lady of the Manners does wish that Stranded Fashionista had mentioned some of their interests, but it doesn’t really matter since there is no Real Goth TM checklist. (Surely you remember, Snarklings: the Lady of the Manners goes on and on about there not being a checklist at the drop of a hat.)

It’s just that the Lady of the Manners finds herself intensely curious about what gothy-type things the Stranded Fashionista is interested in that their friends consider Goth, especially in light of the implications that the Stranded Fashionista has been judgmental about Goth in the past. Because while there is not a checklist of Gothy Things, some interests rate a slightly higher score of You Might Be A Goth than others.

For instance, there is the question of dark-influenced fashion. While it’s no secret that the Lady of the Manners is ”¦ oh, let’s say very fond of Goth fashion, she also feels that there is more to being part of the Goth subculture than wearing dark colors with skulls or other morbid imagery. No, not even adding black nail polish makes an inky-hued wardrobe automatically Goth, it just may mean someone really likes a monochrome look. Black lipstick has become a makeup staple for a wide range of alternative fashion looks, and at least one mainstream cosmetic company releases some version or formula of it every autumn. Indeed, every few years the fashion industry gleefully rummages in Goth’s shadowy armoires for finery to re-interpret. So you see, there is more to Goth than a wardrobe of darkness.

But what if the interest your friends are calling “Goth” is the music you listen to? That’s just as tricky, because no shadowy clot of Goths will ever agree entirely on what musicians are or are not Goth. Sure, many of us will rattle off the standard spooky classics: Joy Division, Bauhaus, Siouxsie and the Banshees, The Cure, Christian Death, The Sisters of Mercy, and so on. But once you get past those “obvious” names, the Goth musical genre is harder to define. Not to mention that many artists (even the ones the Lady of the Manners just listed) object to having the Goth label applied to their work.

Music and fashion are the two obvious signifiers of gothy inclinations, but there are others: a fondness for dark or paranormal books, especially ones that have a generous helping of melodrama. Or perhaps an appreciation for artwork that focuses on morbid or unsettling themes, or that uses bones or taxidermied remains of animals.

However, speculating about Stranded Fashionista’s Goth-ish interests is not the main point of the letter, and is not the thing which snagged the Lady of the Manners’ attention. The really fascinating bit is that one little sentence of “It’s odd to think that I may be part of a sub-culture that I’ve sub-consciously judged for a lot of my life.” Because to the Lady of the Manners, that comes across as someone feeling a bit guilty and defensive about the times they may have mocked or sneered at Those Spooky Types In Black. The Lady of the Manners admits that her interpretation may be a bit on the harsh side, but that’s what she keeps coming back to. She can’t think of another reason why someone would have a “bit of an existential crisis” when one’s friends point out the Goth overtones of one’s interests. It’s true, being a Goth or interested in Goth things does still garner a raised eyebrow or a label of Weird (and oftentimes not in a good way) from some people. But so what? It’s more important to be your own person, to be true to who you are and what you like, than to worry about what other people think of you.

That’s the really important bit. It doesn’t matter if the things you like are also things liked by Goths; what matters is if you want to be a Goth. Even if you wear black velvet and lace and read spooky literature by flickering candlelight in your darkened room decorated with dried roses and animal skulls, if you feel you aren’t a Goth, then you’re not. Of course, if you do indulge in that sort of behavior, there’s a good chance that your friends are going to continue to point out your rather gothy tendencies, and the Lady of the Manners would kind of agree with them. But! If you don’t want to call yourself a Goth, you don’t have to. Just be aware that you should try to stop judging the subculture poorly, even if you reject the Goth label. After all, it sounds like you have some things in common with those of us who look for beauty and whimsy in dark places. Because really, being judgmental of an entire subculture (or mainstream culture) is a bit sweeping, and can lead to bad, knee-jerk reactions without ever thinking about the people who make up that subculture or group. Remember Snarklings, try  to react to people as individuals, instead of labels.

—

Coming soon to Gothic Charm School: a visit to the Nocturnal House for more talk about vampire novels (just as soon as the Lady of the Manners makes her mind up between re-reading The Historian or Those Who Hunt The Night, that is), more reader letters answered, and talking about dolls! (Hello Ms. Beetlejuice and Dandy of Death!) Until then, feel free to read through past lessons, or even write if you have a question!

Posted in Being Fashionable, Being Mannerly, General | Leave a comment

Show And Tell: Spin Doctor Clothing!

Posted on March, 2012 by Lady of the Manners

Guess what, Snarklings? It’s time for the long-promised review of Spin Doctor Clothing! Yes, really; the Lady of the Manners has been meaning to write up this review for over a year now, but agents of chaos kept thwarting that plan. Anyway! I first discovered Spin Doctor around a year and a half ago, when I was indulging in one of my periodic insomnia-fueled searches of “Gothic Victorian” on eBay. I kept finding items that were utterly charming, with the sort of dark Victorian-but-not-entirely-historically-accurate flair that I prefer in clothing; skirts, waistcoats, jackets, and blouses all made by a company I’d not yet run across. A few days later, after I’d caught up on my sleep, I decided to look at those items again and see if I still was charmed by them, or if it was another case of magpie-brain caused by sleep deprivation.

No, it wasn’t. The items from Spin Doctor were just as enticing as I had remembered. So enticing, in fact, I gave in to temptation and bought myself the “Harriet” waistcoat.

When it arrived in the mail, I was delighted. Black cotton velveteen, double-breasted, corset lacing in the back to adjust the fit, and it had a swallowtail back? I decided I had to know more about this company.

The Spin Doctor Facebook page had this to say about the company: “A new, alternative clothing brand with menswear and women’s wear designs. Specialising in Steampunk! Spin Doctor was created to cater for an emerging market in Steampunk style offering a Victorian aesthetic with an anachronistic twist. Spin Doctor will produce both menswear and womenswear for the alternative market.”

Specializing in Steampunk, hmm? Well, I’ve been saying for years that the Steampunk folks have been rummaging around the closets of the Gothic Victorians, so I suppose it’s only fair that we do the same thing. After doing a bit more searching around, I discovered that Spin Doctor is one of the brands produced by alternative clothing company Pop Soda, who are also responsible for HellBunny. I contacted them, and was delighted when they very kindly sent me a skirt and jacket to review!

The “Mary” skirt is wonderful. A multi-layer, high-waisted skirt made from heavy pinstriped fabric, it has corset lacing in the front (honestly, we’ve collectively got to figure out another term for that design detail), a shirred back that allows for an even better fit, and the two layers of skirts are square-shaped, providing a sharp, pointy-hemmed edge to the floof factor of the skirt. It’s an amazingly versatile item. I’ve worn it as a bustle over longer skirts, and of course over my usual layers of knee-length petticoats; I’ve seen other ladies wear it with fishnets and tall boots, giving it more of a stompy, punk flair. I’ve seen photos of the same style of skirt done in a red/black plaid fabric, so I suspect that Spin Doctor realized that offering this style in multiple fabrics is a very good idea. (Oh! If they were to make the “Mary” skirt in a Beetlejuce-esque black & white stripe, I would be giddy.)

The second item that the nice folks at Spin Doctor sent me was the “Steampunk Open Cleavage” jacket.

Oh my, rather racy, isn’t it? ::wink:: But that’s part of the fun of it, because it can be worn alone as the top part of an outfit if you’re feeling saucy, or you can wear it over a blouse, as I did when I wore the jacket to Steamcon III.

It’s made from a heavy-weight polished cotton sateen that has a tiny bit of stretch to it, has the corset lacing in the back (again, but that’s just fine, as I’m very much in favor of garments having that detail), and the buckles and clasps are all sturdily attached. The puffed sleeves and high collar give it a quasi-Victorian air, while the daring cleavage window keeps it from being too staid.

I am very impressed with Spin Doctor. Everything I’ve seen has been well-made, with fabrics that are both sturdy and attractive, as well as  everything being securely constructed. Plus their items appear to be designed with the idea that their customers want for more than just something to wear to Ye Olde Goth Clubs; many of the garments from Spin Doctor could work for the office or school, if styled with other appropriate items. (Okay, maybe not the “Steampunk Open Cleavage” jacket ”¦) Let me put it this way: I am so impressed with Spin Doctor’s designs that I have a wish list of other items by them that I plan on eventually purchasing, such as the “Adonia” skirt

And the “Beatrice” waistcoat.

My only complaints about Spin Doctor? Well, there’s the usual one of they don’t seem to offer any sizes larger a women’s XL/14, alas. Which is a shame, because the designs they’ve come up with would look fantastic on larger ladies, too! They also don’t seem to have anything for the menfolk, even if their company info states they will produce menswear. My final quibble with them is that most of the retailers I’ve found that carry their wares are in the UK. This makes sense, as Spin Doctor/Pop Soda are a UK -based company, but it means postage costs can be a little steep for non-UK customers.

Spin Doctor/Pop Soda only sell their wares to retailers; there’s no official Spin Doctor webstore to browse. However, you can find items made by them all over eBay UK, and the Spin Doctor Facebook page helpfully lists retailers that stock them:

http://www.violentdelights.co.uk/

http://www.bluebanana.com/

http://www.sinderellas-shrine.co.uk/

http://www.attitudeclothing.co.uk/

www.the-gothic-shop.co.uk/

http://www.katesclothing.co.uk/

I know that in the Seattle area, BedlamBedlam and The Metro both carry Spin Doctor; for folks in other cities, check with your local independent alternative fashion retailer and see if they do, too! Because if you’re looking for darkly elegant clothes with a neo-Victorian twist, you really want to take a look at what Spin Doctor has to offer!

Posted in Being Fashionable, review: clothing, Reviews, Show And Tell | Leave a comment

An Assortment Of Questions

Posted on February, 2012 by Lady of the Manners

Hello Snarklings! It’s time to return to a potpourri of reader questions here at Gothic Charm School, including, oh yes, another question about Goth fashion. Which prompts the Lady of the Manners to say that she is working on a huge upcoming post about Where To Find Goth Clothes and How To Put Together Your Gothy Style, however, when the Lady of the Manners says it’s a huge post, she’s not kidding. So it may take a little while to finally coalesce and appear here on Gothic Charm School.  (Yes, Gothic Charm School sees a lot of questions about finding gothy clothes. That, and many, many questions about family disapproval. Which tells the Lady of the Manners that she needs to do big blanket posts on both topics.)

But! Those are projects for the future, and the Lady of the Manners should really concentrate on the questions she’s going to talk about this time around, which are ”¦  hmmm, a question about fashion, a query about explaining one’s gothy self to one’s mom, and ”¦ oh! About Halloween!

question: To My Dear Lady,

What are your opinions on being yourself, which is to say dressing Goth for Halloween? (Yes, I realize that Halloween is not for quite some time, but the question has been nagging at me.)

I ask because I consistently have a costume that is fine to wear in the daytime on my college campus, (This year was the Green Fairy!) but due to the cold and high crime rates where I live, these costumes are inappropriate for going out for evening festivities. My solution was to dress to the nines in my Goth finery and just generally be ooky-spooky- whimsical.

There are not many Goth-types on my campus… But a Gothly friend did end up grumping at me, since she thinks its inappropriate if you are Goth to dress as such for Halloween. It wasn’t a big grump, and my feelings aren’t hurt at all, but it’s gotten me thinking.

What do you think, my Lady?

Mit Liebe,
Eisenviolet

Will it make you feel any better, dear girl, to know that the Lady of the Manners’ default Halloween costume is to dress up in very elaborate Goth finery? And wear her custom-fitted vampire fang caps, but those aren’t what people notice at first. There are many, many Goths who use Halloween as an excuse to don the very best of their wardrobe, and then take an even larger delight in telling people “No, this isn’t a costume.”

The Lady of the Manners is a little boggled by your friend’s mild grumping, to be honest. For many people, Halloween is about indulging in dressing as who you long to be. (Any of you Snarklings who are about to make sarcastic comments about the Lady of the Manners wearing her fangs can just hush, before she thumps you on the head with a copy of Dracula.) A lot of Goths long to be, well, even gothier than they are in everyday life. A huge part of the Goth mindset is a longing for dark romanticism,  wishing that life was a candle-lit, darkly sparkling masquerade party, even if the part that longs for that is a tiny blood-red rosebud growing in the very depths of your heart. (Yes, even you, you surly growling nihilist Goth Punks. Don’t fib, you all want a giant party too, just one with fewer frills and more dystopia.)

Also, when one is planning a Halloween costume, one must consider certain practicalities. (The Lady of the Manners will now pause to give some of her readers a moment to collect themselves from the shock of her being practical.) There are all sorts of Halloween costumes that are fun and delightful but, as you point out Eisenviolet, are less than ideal when confronted with chilly weather at night. Warmth, comfortable and sturdy footwear, no accessories that are unwieldy to cart around (wings, while lovely, are not a good idea in a club situation!) — all of these are things that need to be thought about. Which is why, again, many Goths decide the best option for them is to dress as Goth as they possibly can manage out of their own closets.

Goths dressing up for Halloween as even more elaborate Goths has one more added benefit: they’re used to the “costume”. They are probably at ease with what they’re wearing, and won’t spend the evening worrying about if something is going to give way, ride up, or fall apart. They’re comfortable in those clothes and the image they present, which means they will carry themselves with confidence. Which, dear Snarklings, is one of the most important things of all to have in one’s wardrobe, be it a spooky holiday or not.

—

The next question is from Lauren, who is looking for some help in talking to her mom about Goth, but with a slightly different issue from the usual:

Dear Mrs. Lady of the Manners:
I have a problem. I got your very fantastic book from my Aunt this Christmas, and I enjoyed it very much. My mom (who hates my Aunt), thinks that I am now dressing in black a lot more than I used to because my Aunt gave me the book. Can I please have some pointers on how to explain to my mom that I am not dressing in black and searching for animal skulls just because my aunt gave me a book?

Sincerely,
Lauren

Wait, wait, wait, let the Lady of the Manners re-read that. Your aunt gave you a copy of the Gothic Charm School book (yay!), and now your mom thinks that you expressing your gothy tendencies is due to reading the book? How very ”¦ recursive, or something.

First things first: since you have a copy of the Gothic Charm School book, have you waved it at your mom and asked her to read parts of it? Especially chapters two and three? The Lady of the Manners fervently hopes that her book would answer any questions or concerns your mom may have about your inky wardrobe and fondness for collecting bones.

You say that your mom hates your aunt. Could it be that your mother’s feelings about your aunt are coloring her reaction to you being a Goth? That since your aunt gave you a book about it, it obviously is something for her to not approve of? But this does lead the Lady of the Manners to a question that she hopes will not raise your hackles in ire: were you, erm, quite as visibly Goth before your aunt gave you a copy of the book? Please do not take that as some kind of dismissive judgement! The Lady of the Manners is delighted if reading the Gothic Charm School book helped bring you to being more open about your interests in the Goth subculture! But if that is how things happened, then it’s no wonder that your mother thinks that the book is the cause of it, and possibly rightly so.

It sounds like you are dealing with a case of your mother being unsure what this whole Goth thing means, and her being worried that black clothes and looking for animal skulls means something horrible and dire. So again, ask her to read chapters two and three of Gothic Charm School. Tell her that your interest in Goth is nothing to worry about, and that you want to talk to her about it to answer her questions and lay her concerns to rest. Yes, the Lady of the Manners always suggests that you Snarklings try to sit down and have a conversation with your parents about Goth, why you’re attracted to it, and why they shouldn’t worry. But you know what? She keeps suggesting it because the parental types usually respond very well to it. Showing them that you’ve put some thought into the things you’re doing, and that it’s not dangerous, troublesome, or something to be worried about helps show the concerned adults in your life that while there may be things to be concerned about, your being a Goth isn’t one of them.

—

The final question in this installment of Gothic Charm School is indeed about fashion, but is not the typical “Where do I find gothy clothes” query:


Greetings Lady of Manners,

I have a dilemma I’m interested on getting your thoughts on as it may help others like me later down the line.  I am a proud goth of several years but, curiously, finding clothing that I’m happy with can be a bit of a struggle sometimes.  Why?  The vast majority of fashions recommended to the darkly inclined and female-shaped, whether for purchase or as DIY projects, come with excess helpings of skirts, ribbon, and lace.  Fine and dandy if you can cheerfully rock such outfits, but I’m not exactly the most feminine person in the world.  I find these types of clothes very lovely to look at, but don’t particularly enjoy wearing them myself and despite my best attempts to create a fairly pared-down yet suitably dark wardrobe, I unfortunately just end up looking frumpy and strange more often than not.  Also, because I am very small, men’s garments generally don’t fit.  So I was wondering what fashion advice you might have for those of us who adore all the spooky charm that the world can contain, but despite being female, frankly just aren’t very girly.

Many thanks!

-J.

Darling creature, allow the Lady of the Manners set you at ease: being female and Goth does not mean you have to be girly, covered in ruffles and lace. (Nor does being male and Goth mean you have to be confined to shirts and trousers, but that’s a post for another time.) Goth fashion encompasses a lot of silhouettes and girly/ultra-femme is only one of them.

The first thing to do is figure out what sort of look grabs your interest. Do you want to look sleek and minimalist? Do you want to dabble in menswear? Browse around the web (especially Tumblr and Polyvore) to see what’s out there that people have tagged as “Goth”. Yes, doing this will turn up a lot of things that aren’t even remotely gothy (oh, the things that are foolishly tagged as “Goth” on Etsy. The Lady of the Manners weeps.), but it should also turn up a lot of things you can look at and go “Yes, that sort of look”.

Once you have a more precise idea of what sort of look you are going for, start really studying that style. What are some of the key elements of it? For example, the lots of drapey-layers in black style that often gets labeled “Nu-Goth” (and the Lady of the Manners will save her crankybloomers ranting about that term for another time) relies on tights or leggings, oversized billowy tops, asymmetrical hems, and things with cowled necklines or layers of scarves. Or take menswear: tailored trousers, crisp dress shirts, ties, waistcoats, and sleek blazers. When you have an understanding of what basic items are needed for different styles, then you can start hunting for them. And for heaven’s sake, don’t just look at the big-name Goth fashion merchants! Take a look at all sorts of stores, including mainstream big-box stores such as Target, Macy’s, and Sears, which all carry garments that will fit seamlessly into many a Goth’s wardrobe. You just need to know how to combine them, and again, that’s where browsing online and seeing what other people have been doing is very, very informative.

You say that you are very small, so men’s garments don’t fit you. Have you tried looking for formal or semi-formal clothing for teen boys? Admittedly, it’s not something the Lady of the Manners has ever had to search out, so she may be sending you on a fruitless tangent. But there are always occasions that young men have to be dressed up for, so finding trousers and dress shirts to fit you shouldn’t be impossible. It just may be difficult; alas, that is one of the annoyances that anyone outside of “average” sizes has to face. There’s the option of looking at stores and clothing lines that cater to petite women, but again, you’ll probably not find a lot that will fit your chosen fashion aesthetic.

Argh! The Lady of the Manners fears that she is not able to give you as much help as you were hoping for! The most important thing is to figure out what sort of non-girly style you’d like to wear, and then go through the arduous process of finding pieces that fit with that style. However, the Lady of the Manners is pretty sure that you are not alone in this fashion dilemma, so she is going to open this post up to (moderated!) comments! How about it, Snarklings? Do you have any helpful suggestions for J.?

—

Coming up soon at Gothic Charm School: the long-promised review of Spin Doctor Clothing! A visit to the Nocturnal House to discuss another vampire book! And news about an online radio show! (ooOOOooh!) Until then, Snarklings, browse through the archives, take a look at the news about upcoming appearances, wander around the Gothic Charm School tumblr, or maybe write a letter of your own …

Posted in Being Fashionable, General, Holidays & Special Occasions | 28 Comments